Last night I fell asleep thinking about therapy. This morning I woke up thinking about therapy. I've discovered more pieces to the puzzle, but I don't know where they fit yet. I got out of bed at 3:20 AM and journaled some thoughts.
Then, at 4:30 AM I got an e-mail from a friend and co-worker back home saying that the company had let three people go due to the continued mortgage situation. All three are my friends and have been for years. Sharing laughs and stories and dreams and heartache. And now they've been let go. I know that two are resilient. But that fact doesn't take away their hurt, or my hurt for them. One man is far less resilient. My heart breaks for him.
What a hard, sad day...
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Christmas Eves
Last Christmas Eve after the church service I remember driving through neighborhoods with Jean and the kids looking at Christmas lights, and talking with Jean about what the upcoming year might be like – especially in Seattle. That we shouldn't kid ourselves in thinking it was going to be a romanti
c adventure. It was going to be hard.And it has been hard. This Christmas Eve seemed to sum up the entire year in the span of a few hours:
Our garage doesn't have a floor drain like our house on hall street does, so there is some standing
water in there from snow from the van. Jean was trying to step around the water and snagged her only winter coat on a nail. On our way to church I turn down a side street. It was icy from packed snow. The street is super narrow and there were cars packed bumper to bumper that haven't moved in two weeks – this was obvious because of the 8"-10" of snow piled on top of each car. I started sliding left and couldn't avoid taking out a mirror on a Prius that had been sitting there for a week. I left a note with my name and number on the person's door handle. (who knows which house the car belonged to...) Considering how long the car had been sitting there and the rain we are going to get, the note may just bleed from water and be unreadable. But, I wanted to be honest and not be a
jerk that simply hit and ran. Church was sweet. They did the service around a chant of O Come O Come Emanuel, with chants by the choir, singing, scripture reading, a message from the pastor, etc. It was very good for our hearts. Then, I got the van stuck in front of the mail box when we got home. I got out and attempted to push while jean tried backing out. Mud was thrown all over me. It was awesome. I couldn't budge it. I got back in the van, determined to get it out. I did. We got inside and Jean prepared a fantastic smorgasbord – a tradition her parents gave to her. The meal was great, and talked non-stop through Polar Express – another family tradition of ours. the kids were wound for Christmas.
The evening wasn't romantic in an "everything is easy way," yet, it was romantic in an "our family loves and enjoys each other."
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Christmas
The other day I was going through some old family pictures and I came across this gem snapped Christmas morning, 1971, in our basement duplex. I was just one month shy of being 2 years old.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
From Amnesia to Brain Surgery
This morning I wanted to vomit. It was more of a burning in my stomach. I was doubled over in the shower. Those were things that used to happen when I was little. When I didn't want to do something or go somewhere. I missed a lot of school. I've been remembering a lot. And, remembering makes me feel sick. I wasn't feeling sick because today was therapy. I look forward to it and I enjoy therapy. And, I mostly enjoy therapy because I want to be closer to better. Even if getting better looks and feels like I'm getting worse for a while. I was sick this morning because of remembering.
I've been finishing "It's Not About the Bike." I had to put it down when fall term started. When I picked it again I came to a part where Lance is riding the tour. How vomiting for 24 hours straight over 5 day periods due to the chemo treatments, and so much of that time, prepared him to win The Tour. I've been hoping that feeling the pain and nausea I feel now will pay off for something down the road. Realistically it may, and it may not.
Today's therapy was good. And interesting. So much happened. At the end of it all, I was asked if I would be open to switching gears in our sessions together. Going from "relational therapy" to "Lifespan Integration Therapy." Basically, we are needing to re-hardwire my brain. It is such an intense process, that we can only go about it every other session. My therapist has received advance training in Lifespan Integration.
The Lifespan Integration website doesn't mention all of the routine, but before my first "LI" session, I will need to write down a memory from each year of my life. And, each memory for each year will be read, and it will be cycled three times total in our session. All to rewire my brain to realize and understand what safety as an adult is.
I am intrigued by it. And hopeful. I don't want a shortcut. But, I do want to feel and to know healthy boundaries and I want to remember. Next week, due to Christmas, therapy has been moved up to Tuesay evening. So, LI will either begin next week or on Thursday Jan. 8.
I've been finishing "It's Not About the Bike." I had to put it down when fall term started. When I picked it again I came to a part where Lance is riding the tour. How vomiting for 24 hours straight over 5 day periods due to the chemo treatments, and so much of that time, prepared him to win The Tour. I've been hoping that feeling the pain and nausea I feel now will pay off for something down the road. Realistically it may, and it may not.
Today's therapy was good. And interesting. So much happened. At the end of it all, I was asked if I would be open to switching gears in our sessions together. Going from "relational therapy" to "Lifespan Integration Therapy." Basically, we are needing to re-hardwire my brain. It is such an intense process, that we can only go about it every other session. My therapist has received advance training in Lifespan Integration.
The Lifespan Integration website doesn't mention all of the routine, but before my first "LI" session, I will need to write down a memory from each year of my life. And, each memory for each year will be read, and it will be cycled three times total in our session. All to rewire my brain to realize and understand what safety as an adult is.
I am intrigued by it. And hopeful. I don't want a shortcut. But, I do want to feel and to know healthy boundaries and I want to remember. Next week, due to Christmas, therapy has been moved up to Tuesay evening. So, LI will either begin next week or on Thursday Jan. 8.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Amnesia
The first trimester is over. Reams and reams of paper used for printing readings, assignments and essays. Books upon books read. Whew. What a blur.So many people from back home called, e-mailed, and instant messaged me over the term to encourage me. I'm sure I'll miss someone, but thanks Adeana, Amanda, Angie, Ann, Anne, Brandon T., Brian M., Brian VM, Chris, Chuck, Darrell W., David B., Deneè, Gary, Howard, Hunter, Johnny, Jon M., Kelly, Kevin, Roger, Steve, Terry, and Tim. I feel like me being at MHGS has been as much of a fulfillment of your dreams as mine. Thanks for your encouragement for me to hang in there.
And, so many new friends out here have encouraged me to live from my story. Not to try and be someone else. But to celebrate my neuroses and lean into my oddities. To mourn the tragedies and cruelties. Thanks to Scott and Scott, Jason, Philip, Julie and Julie, Rick, Grant, Anita, Claire, Lisa, Eron, Shannon, Paul, and David. And, especially Bruce who I traveled back from classes with and we shared stories of joy and pain. Thanks!
Most of all, thanks to Jean, Sam and Alina for making me study and for making me play. And for loving me through the demands of the trimester. You have each loved me as I wrestled through the deconstructive readings and classes that have peeled layer after layer off my onion all the way down to the pain that was hidden underneath. You are the greatest!
And, now that it is rest time from studying, I still have important work to do. Over the last half of the term I have started to remember little things. Very painfully tragic events. Some brought on from readings, others from just being forced to sit in one place. Most of my life I haven't remembered. I have kept moving and it has prevented me from recalling. I had developed amnesia about nearly every memory.
Over break I have blocked out time to look at photographs in order to recall cruelty, abandonment, seduction, human sacrifice, and repeated abuse. The recall of these memories aren't so that I can continue to sit in the despair of the past. It is so that the past can be reauthored, as Dr. Allender says. Reauthored for the future's hope. Last Thursday after counseling I went for a walk in the woods. I asked God to begin to help me remember some events. He began to. The events being recalled were so hurtful that they were overwhelming. God was gracious enough to turn the memories back off for the time being. I know those memories are just the tip of the iceberg for what is deep below the surface of the dark waters.
I am very pleased with the relationship I have developed with my therapist here. A therapist who is a graduate of MHGS. A therapist who understands the deconstruction process of the school. And, most of all, one who desires to help me remember so that those repeated tragedies can be redeemed for good.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Reading Between the Lines
This morning, most of my readings have had adventure and journey imagery sprinkled through.
When we embark on such a journey, we understand there will be challenges along the way, unexpected encounters that stretch us to our limits and change the shape of who we are. We know we will emerge changed, bearing the marks of the journey on our soul and body. Our friends may not recognize us when we return; we may not even recognize ourselves! Such a journey requires commitment – willingness to press on through sunlit days and dark nights, unspeakable beauty and terrible danger, sometimes finding companionship and sometimes feeling utterly alone, sometimes sure we are headed in the right direction, other times afraid we have completely lost our way. It is that perilous and priceless journey inward to that place at the center of ourselves where God dwells. (p. 19, "Invitations to Silence and Solitude") While I don't believe that God dwells just at the center of ourselves, but also at the center of life all around us. Yet, the imagery is powerful.
...Via negativa, which has its underlying assumption the hiddenness of God, not the overt visibility of God... Dillard reminds the reader that nature and/or God is apt to hide itself. She tells stories of trying to catch glimpses of fish in deep water, of stalking muskrats in the woods for hours, of turning just in time to see the final flash of a fleeing squirrel or bird. All such stories are metaphors for a fleeting God, a God that must be sought, stalked, waited out, patiently and tirelessly. The mystical experience results from the expansion of the via negativa concept to include not only God, but also the individual in pursuit of God... As God told Moses on Sinai, no one can see God's glory fully and live to tell the story. Yet, this danger does not warrant ending the pursuit of the fleeting God... "You quit your house and country, quit your ship, and quit your companions in the tent... the light on the far side of the blizzard lures you. You walk, and one day you enter the spread heart of silence... This the end of the Via Negativa, the lightless edge where the slopes of knowledge dwindle, and love for its own sake, lacking an object, begins..." One must be willing to go out to the furthest edge of the mystery that is God, a place where one may be allowed a brief glimpse of glory, an dmight also die in the process. Dillard mentions Ezekiel's rebuking of false prophets who have "not gone into the gaps." Dillard, in an earnest tone, tells the reader, "The gaps are the thing. The gaps are the sprit's one home, the altitudes and latitudes so dazzingly spare and clean that the spirit can discover itself for the first time like a once-blind man unbound. The gaps are the clifts in the rock where you cower to see the back parts of God... Go up into the gaps... Stalk the gaps." She emphasizes again that there are no guarantees for safety and that one must be prepared for surprise and shock when dealing wth God. God will "catch you up, aloft, up to any cap at all, and you'll come back... transformed in a way you may not have bargained for – dribbling and crazed."
At first, this reading frustrated me. Why does God do this when all I want is to see His face. And, I'm tired. Then, I realized, I have been stalking Him all along. Not like a big game trophy to be mounted above our fireplace. But, the true God. I have seen his tracks. I have seen more of His shadows recently. I think I am getting closer.
When we embark on such a journey, we understand there will be challenges along the way, unexpected encounters that stretch us to our limits and change the shape of who we are. We know we will emerge changed, bearing the marks of the journey on our soul and body. Our friends may not recognize us when we return; we may not even recognize ourselves! Such a journey requires commitment – willingness to press on through sunlit days and dark nights, unspeakable beauty and terrible danger, sometimes finding companionship and sometimes feeling utterly alone, sometimes sure we are headed in the right direction, other times afraid we have completely lost our way. It is that perilous and priceless journey inward to that place at the center of ourselves where God dwells. (p. 19, "Invitations to Silence and Solitude") While I don't believe that God dwells just at the center of ourselves, but also at the center of life all around us. Yet, the imagery is powerful.
...Via negativa, which has its underlying assumption the hiddenness of God, not the overt visibility of God... Dillard reminds the reader that nature and/or God is apt to hide itself. She tells stories of trying to catch glimpses of fish in deep water, of stalking muskrats in the woods for hours, of turning just in time to see the final flash of a fleeing squirrel or bird. All such stories are metaphors for a fleeting God, a God that must be sought, stalked, waited out, patiently and tirelessly. The mystical experience results from the expansion of the via negativa concept to include not only God, but also the individual in pursuit of God... As God told Moses on Sinai, no one can see God's glory fully and live to tell the story. Yet, this danger does not warrant ending the pursuit of the fleeting God... "You quit your house and country, quit your ship, and quit your companions in the tent... the light on the far side of the blizzard lures you. You walk, and one day you enter the spread heart of silence... This the end of the Via Negativa, the lightless edge where the slopes of knowledge dwindle, and love for its own sake, lacking an object, begins..." One must be willing to go out to the furthest edge of the mystery that is God, a place where one may be allowed a brief glimpse of glory, an dmight also die in the process. Dillard mentions Ezekiel's rebuking of false prophets who have "not gone into the gaps." Dillard, in an earnest tone, tells the reader, "The gaps are the thing. The gaps are the sprit's one home, the altitudes and latitudes so dazzingly spare and clean that the spirit can discover itself for the first time like a once-blind man unbound. The gaps are the clifts in the rock where you cower to see the back parts of God... Go up into the gaps... Stalk the gaps." She emphasizes again that there are no guarantees for safety and that one must be prepared for surprise and shock when dealing wth God. God will "catch you up, aloft, up to any cap at all, and you'll come back... transformed in a way you may not have bargained for – dribbling and crazed."
At first, this reading frustrated me. Why does God do this when all I want is to see His face. And, I'm tired. Then, I realized, I have been stalking Him all along. Not like a big game trophy to be mounted above our fireplace. But, the true God. I have seen his tracks. I have seen more of His shadows recently. I think I am getting closer.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Hearing Different Words
For the second Monday in a row I have been told by two caring faculty members that I need to take a year to care for me. To grieve my story. To care for my heart. To stop caring for others so that I can care for myself. All so that I can care for me the way that I care for others. And, when I care for me better I can truly care for others well because I will be able to better grieve for me and for them.
Jean says I love her and the kids in completely higher ways since being in Seattle. Jean says I have changed so much being here. I don't know.
All of us in the MACP program have to do 42 hours of outside counseling with a therapist by fall 2009. Mine begins Nov. 20. It will start at a place where my last two left off, and maybe at a different starting place that hasn't been mined yet. This time around I want to see a female counselor. How in the world can I begin to care for myself and allow myself to be cared for. It has been easier to care for others than to care well for me. My inner circle of guys care for me and care for me well. But, I need to allow them to care better because it is hard for me. I need to let them for them and for me.
It is very strange to be trusting a stranger that hasn't earned my trust in a strange city and at a very deconstructing time. This should be fun...
Jean says I love her and the kids in completely higher ways since being in Seattle. Jean says I have changed so much being here. I don't know.
All of us in the MACP program have to do 42 hours of outside counseling with a therapist by fall 2009. Mine begins Nov. 20. It will start at a place where my last two left off, and maybe at a different starting place that hasn't been mined yet. This time around I want to see a female counselor. How in the world can I begin to care for myself and allow myself to be cared for. It has been easier to care for others than to care well for me. My inner circle of guys care for me and care for me well. But, I need to allow them to care better because it is hard for me. I need to let them for them and for me.
It is very strange to be trusting a stranger that hasn't earned my trust in a strange city and at a very deconstructing time. This should be fun...
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
The End of the Other Blog
This morning I suspended my other blog. It was about my reconstruction. But, my Misadventures are also about my reconstruction. Having multiple blogs felt like having multiple personalities. I don't want to compartmentalize areas of my life.
The other blog was intended to capture some good quotes from class or conversations at school that struck me. I was logging great quotes during my note taking, but only posted on the other blog three times. Below, you will find those three posts...
The other blog was intended to capture some good quotes from class or conversations at school that struck me. I was logging great quotes during my note taking, but only posted on the other blog three times. Below, you will find those three posts...
Last Week
originally posted wednesday october 29, 2008
The last 8 days have been sweet. Coffee with Paul (and yes, I did have coffee that actually went down my throat) was relieving. The second time telling my story – ALL OF IT – and being confirmed and affirmed for who I am. It was good. I realized I did not need to be someone else while I am here. I can be me. Comfortable in my own skin. And, today was an epiphony. While reading about Transference and Countertransference some lights came on. Blaming my dad for the reason why I want to be perfect. Actually, digging into me, I see now where that actually comes from. It is good the way this program is leaning into me.
The last 8 days have been sweet. Coffee with Paul (and yes, I did have coffee that actually went down my throat) was relieving. The second time telling my story – ALL OF IT – and being confirmed and affirmed for who I am. It was good. I realized I did not need to be someone else while I am here. I can be me. Comfortable in my own skin. And, today was an epiphony. While reading about Transference and Countertransference some lights came on. Blaming my dad for the reason why I want to be perfect. Actually, digging into me, I see now where that actually comes from. It is good the way this program is leaning into me.
On Being with Someone
original post wednesday october 29, 2008
It isn't about how you can fix somebody's problem, but how you can be with someone in their problem. – Roy
It isn't about how you can fix somebody's problem, but how you can be with someone in their problem. – Roy
On Being a Critic
original post: friday october 17, 2008
Both Dan and Dwight gave great quotes in their respective classes this week. I will start with a quote from Dwight's class – perhaps partially because he is from Canada and because I think I have a man-crush on him, in a manly, Canadian sort of way...
"Anyone can be a critic. Have you ever seen a blog? There is no spiritual gift in being a critic."
Both Dan and Dwight gave great quotes in their respective classes this week. I will start with a quote from Dwight's class – perhaps partially because he is from Canada and because I think I have a man-crush on him, in a manly, Canadian sort of way...
"Anyone can be a critic. Have you ever seen a blog? There is no spiritual gift in being a critic."
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Outcome
Monday night was sweet. Very sweet. The couples were very, very willing to hear our stories, and to share theirs. And that set our group up for a truly sweet night. They were eager to have a vision for they key areas of their marriage. Coolest, though, was that after I time was done, everyone stayed around for an additional 45 minutes, just enjoying eating desert and delving into each other even more. No agenda, and no other place to go. And, best of all, in talking to each person since Monday, there is the sense that everyone is looking forward to next Monday.
Monday, October 27, 2008
T minus Two Hours
Jean and I are two hours away. New people. New ministry. How will 7:30 PM to 9 PM change us? Will we be deer in the headlights? Freaks? Friends? This should be good...
2 b continued....
2 b continued....
Friday, October 17, 2008
Isn't She Beautiful
I had told Alina that after my inspection yesterday that we would go and have hot chocolate together. I came home and she was all dressed up. She looked beautiful! Jean said that she wanted to wear a dress for our time together. She is SO sweet! While we were at The Spotted Cow drinking hot chocolate I asked her, "So, how is life going being a princess?" The man sitting at the table next us turned around and gave me a big smile. Alina brings things out in my heart that I never knew was there.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
This Morning
This morning went very well. We were entrusted with much. It was awesome to see how much they delighted in Jean. Much of the time I was brushed aside so that they could delight more in Jean. It was awesome. She blew them away. It was almost as though they were seeing beauty for the first time every time Jean spoke. It was that cool. She is like a super hero to them. Of course she is. She is gloriously Jean.
Quantum Of Solace James Bond Trailer-Another Way To Die
I heard this song on the way home from class last night. It is from the upcoming James Bond film. It's very different. It grabbed me.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Will We... Will They...
I am wondering what tomorrow will be like. What tomorrow morning will be like. I'm not anxious, but yet I am. Jean and I will meet with two others. What will that be like. Will we be offered too much. Will we be offered too little. Will they appreciate who we are. Will we appreciate who they are. Can we handle what they don't offer, or handle what they do offer. Will we be engaged. Will they. The morning, the meeting will tell...
I Shall Remain an Unbeliever
One of our readings this week is from a chapter called Consequences of the Incarnation for Spirituality. The whole chapter is very powerful. In one section of the chapter the author recounts the story of the hemorrhaging woman. He writes that healing takes place in two parts. The bleeding stops by touching the Body of Christ – the people of Christ. We, the body, can dispense full, complete healing through Christ when someone confesses. See the gospel of Mark for the two parts of the story.
The part that resinates with me most from his chapter is this story. He writes, "Some years ago a Christian carried the lament of a woman who, with some bitterness, explained why she did not believe in God. Never in her explanation did she mention dogma, morals, or church authority. For her, the credibility of God and of Christ depended more on something else, the faces of Christians. Her complaint went something like this [I am including the last half: And don't talk to me of church. What does the church know of my despair – barricated behind its stained-glass windows agains the likes of me? I once sought repentance and community within your walls, but I saw your God reflected in your faces as you turned away from the likes of me. Forgiveness was never given me. The healing love that I sought was carefully hoarded, reserved for your own kind. So be gone from me and speak no more of God. I've seen your God made manifest in you and he is a God without compassion. So long as your God withholds the warmth of human touch from me, I shall remain an unbeliever."
Have you been the woman? Or have you been the church that she speaks of? When was the last time you offered forgiveness, whether to someone outside of the church or to someone in the church? Have you only hoarded healing love for your own kind? Your close friends? Have you asked for foregiveness and been turned away?
This reading calls the body of Christ to be just that, the body of Christ.
The part that resinates with me most from his chapter is this story. He writes, "Some years ago a Christian carried the lament of a woman who, with some bitterness, explained why she did not believe in God. Never in her explanation did she mention dogma, morals, or church authority. For her, the credibility of God and of Christ depended more on something else, the faces of Christians. Her complaint went something like this [I am including the last half: And don't talk to me of church. What does the church know of my despair – barricated behind its stained-glass windows agains the likes of me? I once sought repentance and community within your walls, but I saw your God reflected in your faces as you turned away from the likes of me. Forgiveness was never given me. The healing love that I sought was carefully hoarded, reserved for your own kind. So be gone from me and speak no more of God. I've seen your God made manifest in you and he is a God without compassion. So long as your God withholds the warmth of human touch from me, I shall remain an unbeliever."
Have you been the woman? Or have you been the church that she speaks of? When was the last time you offered forgiveness, whether to someone outside of the church or to someone in the church? Have you only hoarded healing love for your own kind? Your close friends? Have you asked for foregiveness and been turned away?
This reading calls the body of Christ to be just that, the body of Christ.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Peace One Day
Dwight played this video Tuesday at the beginning of class. Encouraging each of us to celebrate the day somehow. It might be just in our own family, by taking a walk, or observing it by attending one of the marches around Seattle. Wednesday during class Roy shared the statistic that "the United States is 4% of the world's population, and we spend 50% of the world's military budget. We are also call ourselves a Christian nation." Happy "Peace One Day" day.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
First Week of School
this picture is from my first day of school – before i left for kindergarten. i am the kindergartner on the right. my 1st grade neighbor, paul, is on the left. being a kindergartner is exactly how i felt tuesday. as i walked out the door i said to jean, "don't make me go!" i walked to the bus stop. waited for the bus. the playlist on my ipod was perfect for the journey. it was a playlist called, "seattle." i made it for sam and me to listen to on our plane ride, but we never listened to it. it was perfect for the morning ["gabriel's oboe" from the mission, "the journey begins" from everest, "chomolunga" from everest, "vertigo," "beautiful day," and so many other good journeying songs].i nearly got off too early to make my first bus transfer. at first i felt like a little kid not knowing the ins and outs of public transportation. i told jean later i felt like my name should be on my underwear and all of my things. i felt so unsure. , but i quickly learned to trust the bus time schedule and route map i made. by the end of the week i felt like a public transportation veteran.
it's been a tiring week. very tiring. orientation each morning through afternoon, tuesday through thursday, then classes tuesday and wednesday evening, and a vesper service at the school thursday evening. i also did an inspection wednesday morning, and three yesterday. then a neighborhood dinner friday evening with some school students and spouses. last night as we walked out the door to go to the dinner i told jean i was so tired i wanted to cry. the dinner was a good time of conversation. it was the first time since moving here that i've felt i could just be myself with a group of people. i was glad we went.
the amount of reading we have to do for classes is unfathomable. yet, i know it is all for a good reason – the disruption and reconstruction of me. hopefully the disruption and reconstruction of us. this morning there is a convocation service to welcome the incoming students into the community of the school. our parents have been here for two weeks and fly out this evening. i am going to miss my mom. it has been good for us to sit and casually talk together and not feel rushed by time as we talk on the phone. but, next week will be a more normal week. just our family in our house. a regular week with normal classes and not much extra school "stuff" thrown in.
we went to a church last Sunday that was good. the people were actually friendly, the children's ministry staff were very welcoming, and the pastor was excellent. he even introduced himself to jean's dad as we were off dropping the kids to their classes. after the service while we were getting the kids the pastor said to be sure to bring us over to meet him. we met him. he's a very gracious and interested man in person. i felt like it was a place that i felt at home. the church has a nazarene foundation, which the traditional nazarene church has some conflicting doctrinal beliefs from how i was raised. i think jean wants to keep looking just to be sure we haven't "settled" without trying many and knowing we've really found the right one.
happy trails!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Feeling Like Home
It's starting to feel like home here. Only because our things are here. I miss the men that brought me back to life over the past couple of years – Johnny, Steve, Kevin, Brian M., Brian V., Tim, Marc, Kurt, Carl, Dave, Jon. Their friendships have been invaluable. Saying "goodbye for now" was harder than I thought it would be. The farewell party didn't impact me too much because we still had a week to go. But, saying goodbye to the guys at the Tuesday night ride made things start to sink in. The last Thursday morning study with Brian M. was bitter sweet. We had communion at the top of the Cannonsburg Ski Hill, one of the favorite places to mountain bike, and one of hte highest points in Kent county. It got harder Thursday night saying goodbye to Steve, and then to Johnny. It would really feel like home if our friends were here.
This is the morning sunrise from the back of our house. Seeing the sunrise like this is pretty rare as it is usually cloudy/foggy/rainy most mornings.
Yesterday I finally got back on my bike after being off of it for over a month due to being sick. Sam and I found a single track and had fun exploring. Last night and today the symptoms of my illness were back after being on the bike. I need to pace myself coming back, yet, I need to ride again. Riding is so therapeutic.
Today we visited a church that we will definitely go to again. It's only 10 minutes away, the people were friendly, the band was very good, and the pastor's message stuck with me. Jean's dad met the Sr. Pastor while we were dropping off the kids before the service. After the service while we were getting the kids the Sr. Pastor told Jean's dad to be sure to introduce us to him when we came back. A very nice, genuine man.
Being able to talk with our "home friends" makes them feel not so far away, and being here a little easier.
This is the morning sunrise from the back of our house. Seeing the sunrise like this is pretty rare as it is usually cloudy/foggy/rainy most mornings.Yesterday I finally got back on my bike after being off of it for over a month due to being sick. Sam and I found a single track and had fun exploring. Last night and today the symptoms of my illness were back after being on the bike. I need to pace myself coming back, yet, I need to ride again. Riding is so therapeutic.
Today we visited a church that we will definitely go to again. It's only 10 minutes away, the people were friendly, the band was very good, and the pastor's message stuck with me. Jean's dad met the Sr. Pastor while we were dropping off the kids before the service. After the service while we were getting the kids the Sr. Pastor told Jean's dad to be sure to introduce us to him when we came back. A very nice, genuine man.
Being able to talk with our "home friends" makes them feel not so far away, and being here a little easier.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
My Bobblehead
Last week was my last week in the office. Sometimes my office truly resembles The Office. Each day last week I was treated to different funny things from the TV show. It was truly a great send off. Monday I came into work and there were two very large plates of Jello on my desk, each with office supplies suspended in them. Tuesday my cubicle space was outlined with pencils, along with the quote from Dwight, "I am going to need you to remove your pencils. I may fall and pierce an organ." Wednesday there was a fax on my desk from future Ed warning me about someone trying to poison the coffee at 8 AM. Thursday there was a jar of canned beets from Schrute Farms, and a brochure from Schrute Farms promoting their Agro-tourism bed and breakfast. Friday there were Office quotes ALL OVER the entire office. There were streamers. The coolest thing was the gang had purchased me a bobblehead of ME. (See above – they call him EDventure). It is pretty freaky how much it does actually look like me. The week was pretty cool.
I felt really honored. Normally when someone leaves it seems there is this determination to pretend that there the employee did little to make a difference while there. It was odd for this group to throw me a party, and even to go so far as to find out from Jean what my favorite party foods were.
It was humbling to see Chuck cry when he said goodbye. It was a good cry. My relationship with Chuck had taken a 180 degree turn during the winter. Chuck became someone I truly cared about. And, it seemed he finally felt cared about.
Right after the luncheon, a guy called me over to a private part of the suite. He said, "I'm a little behind on my tithing." He opened up his wallet. I said, "Oh no. You're not behind." He said, "Really, I am." We bantered. His eyes were welling up and he tossed it on the desk and walked away. The thing is, he isn't a Christian. It really took me back. Maybe one of the reasons it took me back so much is that Jean and I had been praying that God would provide for us, because with the move we were going to be short financially to pay a bill that was due really soon. And, we were going to be significantly short. When I sat at my desk later in the afternoon I pulled the money out of my pocket. What he had given was the amount we were short. It choked me up. Because of his gift, and God's gift.
I am glad my 11 1/2 years of full-time work at Datacomp ended so well. Not because of what they did for me the last week. Mostly of how good I felt with where my relationships were with everyone. I left with no regrets.
I felt really honored. Normally when someone leaves it seems there is this determination to pretend that there the employee did little to make a difference while there. It was odd for this group to throw me a party, and even to go so far as to find out from Jean what my favorite party foods were.
It was humbling to see Chuck cry when he said goodbye. It was a good cry. My relationship with Chuck had taken a 180 degree turn during the winter. Chuck became someone I truly cared about. And, it seemed he finally felt cared about.
Right after the luncheon, a guy called me over to a private part of the suite. He said, "I'm a little behind on my tithing." He opened up his wallet. I said, "Oh no. You're not behind." He said, "Really, I am." We bantered. His eyes were welling up and he tossed it on the desk and walked away. The thing is, he isn't a Christian. It really took me back. Maybe one of the reasons it took me back so much is that Jean and I had been praying that God would provide for us, because with the move we were going to be short financially to pay a bill that was due really soon. And, we were going to be significantly short. When I sat at my desk later in the afternoon I pulled the money out of my pocket. What he had given was the amount we were short. It choked me up. Because of his gift, and God's gift.
I am glad my 11 1/2 years of full-time work at Datacomp ended so well. Not because of what they did for me the last week. Mostly of how good I felt with where my relationships were with everyone. I left with no regrets.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Why We Go
It's been a crazy spring and summer. One where we have had things happen to us that made us very uncomfortable, only to see God show goodness.
In March Jean was let go from her job because the company had lost another company and couldn't afford to keep her. Honestly, they should have let me go. Jean did a lot more productive work for the company than I do. She gets paid by the piece, so they don't have to pay her any benefits. For some reason she was let go and I was allowed to stay. Maybe because they knew I was planning to leave by the end of summer anyway.
Jean and I made three promises. We would continue to tithe and give, we would not use the credit card to pay for anything, and we would not accept any help from our parents. Some months were very interesting, but we kept our promises and God always gave us just enough. It was especially hard during the storms when we lost power for several days and all of our perishables perished. We lost approximately $275 worth of food, and our home owners insurance would cover anything after a loss of $250. How would we replace that food, especially on one income that didn't cover the bills on paper? Friends showed up uninvited to cut trees. They also brought food. Others brought food which replaced more than we lost. Crazy.
Riding was good for me this summer. Sometimes I rode with Jean, sometimes I rode with Sam, sometimes I rode with the guys, and sometimes I rode with just God. When riding alone I would listen to music or a sermon by Andy Stanley or Erwin McManus or Francis Chan. They would help encourage me as I felt the walls close in by a house that wasn't selling in order to move to Seattle, and by a job that would come to an end for me by the end of summer if we stayed in Grand Rapids, with no other opportunities opening.
Jean and I were talking. I said that I could find Scripture that could support us staying and Scripture to support us going. One passage from Scripture that stopped me in my tracks is when Satan was tempting Jesus in the dessert and Jesus says, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'" Jesus quotes from Deut. 6:16 where the Israelites were being provided for, but it wasn't enough. But, one commentary says that when you are doing God's work, expect to be tested by the adversary, so "press on" basically and do what God is commanding. I told Jean that I felt immobilized. We couldn't be sure if we were going out of obedience or impatience, or staying out of obedience or disobedience.
Jean then brought out what she had just read the night before in "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day." This is what Mark [Batterson] says... Obedience is a willingness to do whatever, whenever, wherever God calls us. And that looks different for
each of us. It may mean applying to a graduate program or resigning a position. Part of me wonders if we've been sold a bill of goods. Is it just me or does it seem like some people act as if faith is a reduction of risk so our lives are, in the words of the old hymn, "Safe and secure from all alarm." The goal of faith is NOT the elimination of risk. In fact, the greatest risk is taking no risks... There is an old aphorism: "No one ever bet too much on a winning horse." I know this for sure: The only regrets we'll have at the end of our lives will be that we didn't seek God more or seek God sooner. That's it... Let me tell you something about stepping out on faith: You almost always second guess yourself. You make the decision to get out of the boat and you have second thoughts. You wonder if you made a mistake. 'Did God really tell me to get out of the boat?" [Quoting Andy Stanley...] "Generally speaking, you are probably never going to be more than 80 percent certain. Waiting for greater certainty may cause you to miss an opportunity..." Most of us want absolute certainty before we step out in faith. We love 100 percent money back gurantees. But the problem with that is this: it takes faith out of the equation. There is no such thing as risk-free faith. And you can't experience success without risking failure... [Mark then talks about Peter getting the bum rap because he's the one who denied Christ] He's [Peter is] the one who cut off the guys ear. But, he's the only one who defended Christ. He's the one who sinks in the Sea of Galilee, but he was also the only disciple who walked on water. It's easy to criticize Peter from the comfortable confines of the boat. I think there are two kinds of people in the world: creators and criticizers. There are people who get out of the boat and walk on water. And there are people who sit in the boat and criticize water walkers. Here is what I think: Sinking is better than sitting. When everything is said and done, I think our greatest regrets will be the God-ordained risks we didn't take. We wont' regret sinking. We will regret sitting. In the words of German author Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Hell begins the day God grants you the vision to see all that you could have done, should have done, and would have done, but did not do." ...Anything less than getting out of the boat is spiritual voyeurism. It is so easy to criticize water walkers form the comfortable confines of the boat. But I think the other 11 disciples were haunted by this missed opportunity. Think about it. They could have walked on water. But they chose to stay in the boat. They missed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity because they weren't willing to take a God-ordained risk.
Jean closed the book. And together we decided that we must go to Seattle, even if we were only 80 percent sure at best if we should. Not because we were charged about what Mark wrote, but because we knew deeply what God had called us to do.
And shortly after making that decision we learned that my dad, who died three years ago, had left enough financially for me that would pay for our move, finishing our driveway, and school for Sam for a year. Crazy.
Our close friends are excited that we taking the risk, though they are sad that we won't be around to share life together. Other friends, even a few that are chasing their own lion into a pit on a snowy day, are concerned at what we are doing. That is cool. It is awesome to be truly cared about. My mom is sad because she will be much more than an hour from her only grandkids, her only son, and only daughter (in-law). Jean's parents are very sad, too, but said, "we know that is where you guys need to be."
Most everyone who loves us will worry about our choice to one degree or another. It is good to be loved. It is good to be cared for. It is also good that we are loved so much that people would be concerned.
I've written "Crazy" a few times. I just finished "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. In the book, Francis writes, Walking in genuine intimacy and full surrender to God requires great faith. Hebrews 11:6 says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Back when I was in Bible college, a professor asked our class, "What are you doing right now that requires faith?" That question affected me deeply because at the time I could think of nothing in my life that required faith. I probably wouldn't be living very differently if I didn't believe in God; my life was neither ordered nor affected by my faith like I assumed it was. Furthermore, when I looked around, I realized I was surrounded by people who lived the same way I did. Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different than you. That epitomizes what my life was like: characterized by comfort. But, God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.
God is asking each person to have faith. For us, we are 80 percent sure that it means going to Seattle NOW. We go knowing we are deeply loved by God and by our friends, even by the friends that are scared to death about the journey we are taking. We have good, good friends. Jean and I will keep the same three promises in Seattle: We will continue to tithe and give, we will not use the credit card to pay for anything, and we will not accept any help from our parents (except from my Dad who is giving now when he couldn't pay child support for me when I was growing up).
In March Jean was let go from her job because the company had lost another company and couldn't afford to keep her. Honestly, they should have let me go. Jean did a lot more productive work for the company than I do. She gets paid by the piece, so they don't have to pay her any benefits. For some reason she was let go and I was allowed to stay. Maybe because they knew I was planning to leave by the end of summer anyway.
Jean and I made three promises. We would continue to tithe and give, we would not use the credit card to pay for anything, and we would not accept any help from our parents. Some months were very interesting, but we kept our promises and God always gave us just enough. It was especially hard during the storms when we lost power for several days and all of our perishables perished. We lost approximately $275 worth of food, and our home owners insurance would cover anything after a loss of $250. How would we replace that food, especially on one income that didn't cover the bills on paper? Friends showed up uninvited to cut trees. They also brought food. Others brought food which replaced more than we lost. Crazy.
Riding was good for me this summer. Sometimes I rode with Jean, sometimes I rode with Sam, sometimes I rode with the guys, and sometimes I rode with just God. When riding alone I would listen to music or a sermon by Andy Stanley or Erwin McManus or Francis Chan. They would help encourage me as I felt the walls close in by a house that wasn't selling in order to move to Seattle, and by a job that would come to an end for me by the end of summer if we stayed in Grand Rapids, with no other opportunities opening.
Jean and I were talking. I said that I could find Scripture that could support us staying and Scripture to support us going. One passage from Scripture that stopped me in my tracks is when Satan was tempting Jesus in the dessert and Jesus says, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'" Jesus quotes from Deut. 6:16 where the Israelites were being provided for, but it wasn't enough. But, one commentary says that when you are doing God's work, expect to be tested by the adversary, so "press on" basically and do what God is commanding. I told Jean that I felt immobilized. We couldn't be sure if we were going out of obedience or impatience, or staying out of obedience or disobedience.
Jean then brought out what she had just read the night before in "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day." This is what Mark [Batterson] says... Obedience is a willingness to do whatever, whenever, wherever God calls us. And that looks different for
each of us. It may mean applying to a graduate program or resigning a position. Part of me wonders if we've been sold a bill of goods. Is it just me or does it seem like some people act as if faith is a reduction of risk so our lives are, in the words of the old hymn, "Safe and secure from all alarm." The goal of faith is NOT the elimination of risk. In fact, the greatest risk is taking no risks... There is an old aphorism: "No one ever bet too much on a winning horse." I know this for sure: The only regrets we'll have at the end of our lives will be that we didn't seek God more or seek God sooner. That's it... Let me tell you something about stepping out on faith: You almost always second guess yourself. You make the decision to get out of the boat and you have second thoughts. You wonder if you made a mistake. 'Did God really tell me to get out of the boat?" [Quoting Andy Stanley...] "Generally speaking, you are probably never going to be more than 80 percent certain. Waiting for greater certainty may cause you to miss an opportunity..." Most of us want absolute certainty before we step out in faith. We love 100 percent money back gurantees. But the problem with that is this: it takes faith out of the equation. There is no such thing as risk-free faith. And you can't experience success without risking failure... [Mark then talks about Peter getting the bum rap because he's the one who denied Christ] He's [Peter is] the one who cut off the guys ear. But, he's the only one who defended Christ. He's the one who sinks in the Sea of Galilee, but he was also the only disciple who walked on water. It's easy to criticize Peter from the comfortable confines of the boat. I think there are two kinds of people in the world: creators and criticizers. There are people who get out of the boat and walk on water. And there are people who sit in the boat and criticize water walkers. Here is what I think: Sinking is better than sitting. When everything is said and done, I think our greatest regrets will be the God-ordained risks we didn't take. We wont' regret sinking. We will regret sitting. In the words of German author Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Hell begins the day God grants you the vision to see all that you could have done, should have done, and would have done, but did not do." ...Anything less than getting out of the boat is spiritual voyeurism. It is so easy to criticize water walkers form the comfortable confines of the boat. But I think the other 11 disciples were haunted by this missed opportunity. Think about it. They could have walked on water. But they chose to stay in the boat. They missed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity because they weren't willing to take a God-ordained risk.Jean closed the book. And together we decided that we must go to Seattle, even if we were only 80 percent sure at best if we should. Not because we were charged about what Mark wrote, but because we knew deeply what God had called us to do.
And shortly after making that decision we learned that my dad, who died three years ago, had left enough financially for me that would pay for our move, finishing our driveway, and school for Sam for a year. Crazy.
Our close friends are excited that we taking the risk, though they are sad that we won't be around to share life together. Other friends, even a few that are chasing their own lion into a pit on a snowy day, are concerned at what we are doing. That is cool. It is awesome to be truly cared about. My mom is sad because she will be much more than an hour from her only grandkids, her only son, and only daughter (in-law). Jean's parents are very sad, too, but said, "we know that is where you guys need to be."
Most everyone who loves us will worry about our choice to one degree or another. It is good to be loved. It is good to be cared for. It is also good that we are loved so much that people would be concerned.
I've written "Crazy" a few times. I just finished "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. In the book, Francis writes, Walking in genuine intimacy and full surrender to God requires great faith. Hebrews 11:6 says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Back when I was in Bible college, a professor asked our class, "What are you doing right now that requires faith?" That question affected me deeply because at the time I could think of nothing in my life that required faith. I probably wouldn't be living very differently if I didn't believe in God; my life was neither ordered nor affected by my faith like I assumed it was. Furthermore, when I looked around, I realized I was surrounded by people who lived the same way I did. Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different than you. That epitomizes what my life was like: characterized by comfort. But, God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through. God is asking each person to have faith. For us, we are 80 percent sure that it means going to Seattle NOW. We go knowing we are deeply loved by God and by our friends, even by the friends that are scared to death about the journey we are taking. We have good, good friends. Jean and I will keep the same three promises in Seattle: We will continue to tithe and give, we will not use the credit card to pay for anything, and we will not accept any help from our parents (except from my Dad who is giving now when he couldn't pay child support for me when I was growing up).
Monday, April 14, 2008
A Simple Life Lesson
Saturday night I was flipping through the channels. I stopped on the golf channel. I don't know why I stopped there. I don't play golf. It's one of those sports that I think would make me cuss more. Anyway... One of the guys at the golf desk was talking about something they were doing. It may have been a contest. It might not have been. But, they were asking people to send in life lessons their dads had taught them on the golf course. I thought that was a cool idea.
Yesterday Sam and I went to the Ionia State Game area for the first trail ride of the year. It's a little gentler terrain for Sam than a couple of the spots closer to home. We had a great time. We had about a mile and a half to go, and I was thinking about the "life lessons taught by dad on the golf course" segment. I was wondering if Sam would ever take anything away from our rides or things we do together.
We loaded up our bikes and started heading home. I called Jean and gave her our estimated arrival time. When I got off the phone Sam had this really sad look on his face. "What's the matter, Sam?" I asked. "I wish we were still mountain biking," he said. "Why is that?" I asked. He answered, "Because you are my best buddy."
If Sam never learns anything riding with me, he keeps teaching me important things.
Yesterday Sam and I went to the Ionia State Game area for the first trail ride of the year. It's a little gentler terrain for Sam than a couple of the spots closer to home. We had a great time. We had about a mile and a half to go, and I was thinking about the "life lessons taught by dad on the golf course" segment. I was wondering if Sam would ever take anything away from our rides or things we do together.
We loaded up our bikes and started heading home. I called Jean and gave her our estimated arrival time. When I got off the phone Sam had this really sad look on his face. "What's the matter, Sam?" I asked. "I wish we were still mountain biking," he said. "Why is that?" I asked. He answered, "Because you are my best buddy."
If Sam never learns anything riding with me, he keeps teaching me important things.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Having a Sherpa
Wow. The second friend post in as many days.
Everyone should have a friend who is a sherpa. My sherpa friend helped me carry some things today. He also helped me unpack some things.
He got the nickname sherpa because he carried most of another guy's gear on a backpacking trip because the guy blew chunks. That is the way Johnny is. He carries a guy's load. He doesn't just carry the physical load either. He helps carry the spiritual and emotional load. I honestly think he would die if he didn't help. He's so cool.
Thanks for taking the load today my brother. And, thanks for helping me unpack my load so that I could carry it again.
Everyone should have a friend who is a sherpa. My sherpa friend helped me carry some things today. He also helped me unpack some things.
He got the nickname sherpa because he carried most of another guy's gear on a backpacking trip because the guy blew chunks. That is the way Johnny is. He carries a guy's load. He doesn't just carry the physical load either. He helps carry the spiritual and emotional load. I honestly think he would die if he didn't help. He's so cool.
Thanks for taking the load today my brother. And, thanks for helping me unpack my load so that I could carry it again.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Not Sure Why
I've been scratching my head for the past several weeks wondering why God brought him into my life. He didn't come from where most of my friends come from – our church. He is passionate about loving Christ, loving his wife, and loving his three boys. We hit it off as soon as we met a year ago. And right now, at the twilight of our time here, God continues to take this friendship to deeper levels. I don't understand why now. But, I'm not complaining. It's good. Really good. It's just one of those things, though, that may break my heart when it is time to leave him.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Rejoice with Those who Rejoice
Today that seemed easier said than done. I was trying to rejoice with my boss as he described the trip he is leaving for tomorrow to the Virgin Islands with his family. His wife drives a BMW. Jean lost her job a couple of weeks ago, and we share a car that we were given for a dollar.
I was really wrestling with rejoicing for him. Telling God it was hard to rejoice. God said it was okay for me to rejoice because He has big plans for me. His plans for me go beyond the four walls of this unrewarding job, or an island vacation. For that, I can rejoice.
I was really wrestling with rejoicing for him. Telling God it was hard to rejoice. God said it was okay for me to rejoice because He has big plans for me. His plans for me go beyond the four walls of this unrewarding job, or an island vacation. For that, I can rejoice.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Loving Sam
Yesterday Sam turned 7! Sam chose burritos for dinner, and they were yummy. After we prayed for dinner we all went around and shared things we loved about Sam. Sam loved hearing what he is loved for and he had the biggest smile on his face the hole time. One of the things I love about Sam is his big smile. Alina said that she liked when Sam played with her. She shared some other things, then she said, "I hope you like monkeys!" We tried not to laugh because when she thinks someone is laughing at her she cries. I asked, "Why do you hope Sam likes monkeys?" She said, "Because I like monkeys." She's so sweet!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
A Sinking Ship
It's been a month since I've posted. Lots of things have happened. Alina turned 4. The renovations on the house are done and the house is on the market. Jean lost her job at the company I still work for. Because of the current state of housing credit, the handwriting is on the wall that I may not be here much longer either. It feels like we are on a sinking ship. We were both hoping to do work for the company while in Seattle. These are jobs we both know well. It is looking like we may need to start in Seattle with new vocations. Jobs we know is safe. Things may not be as safe as we had hoped.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Potholes
While taking Sam to school I normally keep the radio off so that we can talk during our drive. For the last week or so I, like all drivers around Grand Rapids, have noticed the ginormous potholes that could swallow a tire. Today during the drive to school I found myself thinking, "Are the potholes worse this year?" After walking Sam into school I returned to the car and turned on the radio which lives on NPR. A female voice on NPR said, "Yes. The potholes are worse this year." She went on to say how Kent county was already a million and a half dollars over it's winter budget and that money would be made up by taking funds away from summer road maintenance. They also shared how potholes form.
Below is an excerpt from WiseGeek, and is one of the best descriptions of how potholes form.
Below is an excerpt from WiseGeek, and is one of the best descriptions of how potholes form.
"Potholes form because asphalt road surfaces eventually crack under the heat of the day and the constant stresses of traffic. These cracks allow snow and rainwater to seep into the underlying dirt and gravel. During cold winter nights, this water freezes and expands. Some of the dirt and gravel is pushed out as a result, leaving a hole when the [frozen] water eventually melts. Drivers continue to drive over these unseen holes, putting even more stress on the thin asphalt layer covering them.
Eventually, the asphalt layer over these divots collapses, creating the traffic hazards we call potholes. Potholes can cause significant damage to a car's suspension system or tires if the driver fails to avoid them. Potholes can also fill with water, obscuring any other hazards they may contain."
Thursday, February 21, 2008
High Blood Pressure?!?!?!?!
"Is your blood pressure always high?" the nurse asked me? "No," I said. "We're getting ready to move."
Yesterday was my annual check-up at the allergist. I am very allergic to yellow jackets, wasps, hornets and honey bees. I started getting venom injections 3 years ago to aid in any reaction that I might have if I was ever stung out in the backcountry – especially if it was just Sam and me.
The high blood pressure was a bit of a shock. Yes. I do feel stressed. My depression hasn't had the grip it did in previous months. But, I do feel stressed. Most of our home is in chaos because of the painting. Carpeting goes in Monday and Tuesday, so the painting must be done this weekend. All that is left to paint on the main floor is the trim in the office, the closets in the office where Bill is mudding, and edging the kitchen and utility room. Bill should be done with the final drywall sanding Friday. Friday night will probably be an all nighter with priming for when some friends are coming over to help paint the basement Saturday.
Tuesday before I left work I asked Jean to let Sam know we were going sledding when I got home. We had a blast. Alina even went sledding with us. After sledding Alina went inside, but Sam and I stayed out and threw snow at each other and wrestled in the snow. The thing about Sam is that the harder you play with him the more he enjoys it. I was very thankful for having the opportunity to break and enjoy Sam and Alina. It was very good.
With that great time, why was my blood pressure high? I guess it will take a lot more than an evening in the snow to help. And, I tell myself that the stress won't end when the painting is done and the carpeting is in. There will still be small things to do. There will be chaos with bargaining to get the house sold – right up until the closing papers are signed. We will pack up. We will move across the country. We will settle a new home. We will have a new community to get to know and new relationships to build. Classes. Jobs. My chest is getting tight thinking about it all.
It will all be stressful, but there needs to be more space for downtime. I know that we won't continue to keep running at this pace. It's not good for anyone. Yesterday was conferences and Sam's teacher commented on what a pleasure he is and how much he has matured. I need to swim in that more. Jean and I are committed to this process because we know God has called us to MHGS. I must enjoy this time. Stress and all. It is shaping me for good. It isn't something to just get through. It is something to do well. I don't even mind the work of getting the house ready. It's creative. I think the high blood pressure is stemming from a lot of demands in more areas than I can adequately give attention to.
Yesterday was my annual check-up at the allergist. I am very allergic to yellow jackets, wasps, hornets and honey bees. I started getting venom injections 3 years ago to aid in any reaction that I might have if I was ever stung out in the backcountry – especially if it was just Sam and me.
The high blood pressure was a bit of a shock. Yes. I do feel stressed. My depression hasn't had the grip it did in previous months. But, I do feel stressed. Most of our home is in chaos because of the painting. Carpeting goes in Monday and Tuesday, so the painting must be done this weekend. All that is left to paint on the main floor is the trim in the office, the closets in the office where Bill is mudding, and edging the kitchen and utility room. Bill should be done with the final drywall sanding Friday. Friday night will probably be an all nighter with priming for when some friends are coming over to help paint the basement Saturday.
Tuesday before I left work I asked Jean to let Sam know we were going sledding when I got home. We had a blast. Alina even went sledding with us. After sledding Alina went inside, but Sam and I stayed out and threw snow at each other and wrestled in the snow. The thing about Sam is that the harder you play with him the more he enjoys it. I was very thankful for having the opportunity to break and enjoy Sam and Alina. It was very good.
With that great time, why was my blood pressure high? I guess it will take a lot more than an evening in the snow to help. And, I tell myself that the stress won't end when the painting is done and the carpeting is in. There will still be small things to do. There will be chaos with bargaining to get the house sold – right up until the closing papers are signed. We will pack up. We will move across the country. We will settle a new home. We will have a new community to get to know and new relationships to build. Classes. Jobs. My chest is getting tight thinking about it all.
It will all be stressful, but there needs to be more space for downtime. I know that we won't continue to keep running at this pace. It's not good for anyone. Yesterday was conferences and Sam's teacher commented on what a pleasure he is and how much he has matured. I need to swim in that more. Jean and I are committed to this process because we know God has called us to MHGS. I must enjoy this time. Stress and all. It is shaping me for good. It isn't something to just get through. It is something to do well. I don't even mind the work of getting the house ready. It's creative. I think the high blood pressure is stemming from a lot of demands in more areas than I can adequately give attention to.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
What a Difference a Year Makes
This was our basement about a year ago. Sam and Alina were opening up some post-Christmas gifts from their cousins who live in Ohio. Notice the scariness of the whole basement. Florescent lighting and low quality ceiling tiles.
This was our basement as of yesterday. I did the lighting around New Years. Bill Started drywalling Saturday. WE ARE SO CLOSE TO BEING DONE I CAN SMELL IT! Wait, I think that is paint fumes I'm smelling...
Monday, February 18, 2008
Three Pink Roses and Gum
Wednesday was Jean's birthday and Thursday was Valentines Day. Wednesday night I picked up ice cream on the way home from work. I thought I would also get a Valentines Day bouquet for Jean, and 3 red roses for Jean. I knew that Alina would also like getting flowers, so I picked out 3 pink roses for her. Pink and purple are her favorite colors. Standing in line I realized I needed to get Sam something, too. So, I grabbed a pack of gum.At home the kids were sitting at the table and I gave Alina the three pink roses. The smile on her face was SO big. I looked at Sam and he was sobbing. I said, "What's wrong buddy?" He said, "I want flowers." I said, "Buddy. I got you something better. Gum!" He was immediately happy. He made a fist, pulled it towards him, and said, "Yesssssssss!" Then, my darling princess became sad and said, "I want some gum."
Bwring... Bwring...
This always reminds me of our dear friend Anne. Not because she says, "Bwring... Bwring... Yip yip yip..." or anything. Mostly, because she despises the Yip Yips...
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Taking My Opponent More Seriously
In the fall I taught Sam how to play checkers. I have always considered myself to be a very, very good checker player. Sunday night had been the first time we played a game of checkers in several weeks. I took a leisurely approach to the game, and before I knew it Sam had me against the ropes with only four checkers left. A couple more mistakes by me, and he won.Last night I vowed to take him more seriously. It looked to be a route, but one false move and he took two kings. I narrowly escaped with a victory. He is six weeks away from turning seven, and he is brilliant. Brilliant at checkers, school, making friends, and enjoying life.
To the winner goes the reward of getting to tickle the loser. Sam loves being the tickler and the ticklie. He wins no matter what. He has the best giggle of anyone I know.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Mistakes
This cartoon catches me off-guard. I am not sure if it is supposed to be funny for the reader. But it makes me think of what it would be like when I am much older to visit places I've lived, both growing up and with Jean and the kids. To visit the spots I stood with co-workers and with friends. To rooms. To spaces. To places. Where would I see the mistakes? Who was I when the mistakes happened? Who was I after the mistakes. Who were the others before and after the mistakes? What changes did the mistakes make in us? Did I learn anything? Did anyone learn anything from the mistakes. Did I say I was sorry? Was I forgiven? Did I forgive?
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
I'm Easily Confused
I'm not that smart. I'm easily confused. Some things make me smile. Some things I don't get.
Right now on the cancellation site on TV 8 shows "Supper cancelled" for the South Haven Area Senior Services in Allegan county. It was funnier when I read that it was "Super cancelled" instead of Supper cancelled.
Last night I was listening to NPR on my way to the furniture store. There was a man talking about how long term care for non-obese, non-smokers was much more expensive than for those who were obese or those who smoked. He concluded that those who were overweight and those who smoked die earlier, while healthy people live longer and assisted living at the end of a person's life is so expensive. WHAT?! Stop. Time out here. Even if you looked at it without a heart, one would conclude that healthier people contribute more over their lifetime because they take less sick days. But, that is even a morbid and ominous way to think of an Image Bearer. To come to the end of life and, since care is too, costly, you can be disposable. I still don't get it.
One commercial I don't get is an ad that is being aired for Lunesta. I couldn't find this specific commercial on YouTube, so I went to Lunesta's website and in printed text is exactly what I thought I have been hearing: Call your doctor right away if after taking Lunesta you walk, drive, eat or engage in other activities while asleep. Interesting indeed.
Right now on the cancellation site on TV 8 shows "Supper cancelled" for the South Haven Area Senior Services in Allegan county. It was funnier when I read that it was "Super cancelled" instead of Supper cancelled.
Last night I was listening to NPR on my way to the furniture store. There was a man talking about how long term care for non-obese, non-smokers was much more expensive than for those who were obese or those who smoked. He concluded that those who were overweight and those who smoked die earlier, while healthy people live longer and assisted living at the end of a person's life is so expensive. WHAT?! Stop. Time out here. Even if you looked at it without a heart, one would conclude that healthier people contribute more over their lifetime because they take less sick days. But, that is even a morbid and ominous way to think of an Image Bearer. To come to the end of life and, since care is too, costly, you can be disposable. I still don't get it.
One commercial I don't get is an ad that is being aired for Lunesta. I couldn't find this specific commercial on YouTube, so I went to Lunesta's website and in printed text is exactly what I thought I have been hearing: Call your doctor right away if after taking Lunesta you walk, drive, eat or engage in other activities while asleep. Interesting indeed.
The Good Pain of Cash
At the Dave Ramsey event a few weeks ago he talked about selling the things around your house, and the kids wondering if they are next. I leaned forward and told our Senior Pastor, who was sitting in front of us, that is totally what it is like at our house. Often if Jean or I move a toy Sam will ask, "Are you selling that?"
We've sold a lot of things on Craig's List. We've also purchased a few from Craig's List. We downsized from the massive wrap around desk and printer stand that took up a quarter of the room we (primarily me) use as an office. We f
ound a beautiful, and much smaller, desk that was built around 1900.
And now, my venting... We pay with cash. That part is nice. We hadn't seen anything on Craig's List that we liked for living room furniture. We went to American Freight Company on January 5 and laid out cash for a new love seat and couch for our living room to hopefully make it look more inviting to potential home buyers, and less like the monkeys that escaped the zoo play there. We had heard that American Freight was a lot like Redeux, the company that sold furniture wholesale but went out of business. So, we went to American Freight and found a love seat and couch that we liked. At least, I think we liked it. It has been a month and I don't even remember what it was supposed to look like. We were told that it should be in within 5-7 days. We called told, "It should be on the next truck." We repeated that cycle a few times... At week three I went in and asked where it was. "We aren't sure. We are told that it will be here, but it never comes on the truck. But, because you've waited so long we've been authorized to give you 10% back." "Will I get that in cash? I paid in cash." "No. They'll send you a check." "When will the check be sent?" "Today is Saturday. They cut checks on Thursdays." "Riiiiiiiight..." At least I got that in writing. I called Wednesday and was told that they were told that it is definitely supposed to be on Monday's truck. I said that if it wasn't, I was coming in Tuesday for my money.
So, last night I went in. I sat on a piece of furniture while the some customers were being helped at the register. One customer was complaining about her damaged furniture. When most of the customers were gone one of the workers said, "I wanted to strangle that lady I was just on the phone with." I was then asked, by the strangler, "How can we help you?" "I'm here for my refund." He looked at his co-worker and said, "Asaph, would you like to help this gentleman?" Asaph was actually one of the guys that helped us way back long ago on January 5. Asaph began writing up a fax coversheet to send to their corporate office for my refund. I asked, "Am I going to have to wait for a check? I paid in cash?" "I don't have that much money in the till, sir." "I was told by Hector a week and a half ago that I would be getting a check for 10% off, and I haven't seen that check yet. How long will I have to wait for this check?" "They cut checks on Thursdays. I have asked them to rush it. I am hoping 7-10 days, but it may take 21-35 in case they are backed up." I said, "What a load of crap. I feel like I've been ripped off. We have one chair in our living room. And now it may be a month before the check comes." "A representative will be calling from our corporate office to discuss your satisfaction. You are free to discuss your unhappiness with him." He gave me a receipt showing that I had asked for a refund. In the "Reason" field, it said, "Change of Heart." It wasn't a change of heart, it was frustration with poor customer service and empty promises. They had never been proactive in calling us. We were always the one calling and always felt brushed off. And, I am left wondering if we will ever see the money.
It would have been easier to pay by credit card, and then deposit the cash and pay it off. They could have refunded me last night and put the refund on credit card. A debit card would still have required them to send us a check. A credit card would have been easier. But, easy gets us all into debt. Though I would like the money NOW, cash is still better. It puts flesh and pain to purchases and decisions.
We've sold a lot of things on Craig's List. We've also purchased a few from Craig's List. We downsized from the massive wrap around desk and printer stand that took up a quarter of the room we (primarily me) use as an office. We f
ound a beautiful, and much smaller, desk that was built around 1900.And now, my venting... We pay with cash. That part is nice. We hadn't seen anything on Craig's List that we liked for living room furniture. We went to American Freight Company on January 5 and laid out cash for a new love seat and couch for our living room to hopefully make it look more inviting to potential home buyers, and less like the monkeys that escaped the zoo play there. We had heard that American Freight was a lot like Redeux, the company that sold furniture wholesale but went out of business. So, we went to American Freight and found a love seat and couch that we liked. At least, I think we liked it. It has been a month and I don't even remember what it was supposed to look like. We were told that it should be in within 5-7 days. We called told, "It should be on the next truck." We repeated that cycle a few times... At week three I went in and asked where it was. "We aren't sure. We are told that it will be here, but it never comes on the truck. But, because you've waited so long we've been authorized to give you 10% back." "Will I get that in cash? I paid in cash." "No. They'll send you a check." "When will the check be sent?" "Today is Saturday. They cut checks on Thursdays." "Riiiiiiiight..." At least I got that in writing. I called Wednesday and was told that they were told that it is definitely supposed to be on Monday's truck. I said that if it wasn't, I was coming in Tuesday for my money.
So, last night I went in. I sat on a piece of furniture while the some customers were being helped at the register. One customer was complaining about her damaged furniture. When most of the customers were gone one of the workers said, "I wanted to strangle that lady I was just on the phone with." I was then asked, by the strangler, "How can we help you?" "I'm here for my refund." He looked at his co-worker and said, "Asaph, would you like to help this gentleman?" Asaph was actually one of the guys that helped us way back long ago on January 5. Asaph began writing up a fax coversheet to send to their corporate office for my refund. I asked, "Am I going to have to wait for a check? I paid in cash?" "I don't have that much money in the till, sir." "I was told by Hector a week and a half ago that I would be getting a check for 10% off, and I haven't seen that check yet. How long will I have to wait for this check?" "They cut checks on Thursdays. I have asked them to rush it. I am hoping 7-10 days, but it may take 21-35 in case they are backed up." I said, "What a load of crap. I feel like I've been ripped off. We have one chair in our living room. And now it may be a month before the check comes." "A representative will be calling from our corporate office to discuss your satisfaction. You are free to discuss your unhappiness with him." He gave me a receipt showing that I had asked for a refund. In the "Reason" field, it said, "Change of Heart." It wasn't a change of heart, it was frustration with poor customer service and empty promises. They had never been proactive in calling us. We were always the one calling and always felt brushed off. And, I am left wondering if we will ever see the money.
It would have been easier to pay by credit card, and then deposit the cash and pay it off. They could have refunded me last night and put the refund on credit card. A debit card would still have required them to send us a check. A credit card would have been easier. But, easy gets us all into debt. Though I would like the money NOW, cash is still better. It puts flesh and pain to purchases and decisions.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Mah Brothah
Jean sent this to me this morning from http://icanhascheezburger.com/. She said that it reminded her of a conversation my play cousin Kevin Baker and I would have together.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Gift
Friday this gift from Jean came for me in the mail. Because MHGS doesn't have an online store, Jean had to be creative on how she could order it. She has made a friendship with a wife of a current MHGS student, and sneakily planned a way to buy and ship this hooded sweatshirt. I love it! And I can't wait for jean's day at work (which is different than Jean's day, which I get to enjoy everyday)!
Saturday, February 02, 2008
It's February
It's February. This is the month we put the house up for sale. I took yesterday off to get some painting done. We have our bedroom, the upstairs bathroom, the kitchen, the utility room, my office, and the basement to paint. Today we went looking for carpeting and settled on something beautiful. They are coming Monday to measure, and it should be ready installed in three weeks. So close. Yesterday was the first time it hit me that we were doing all of these things to the house for someone else to enjoy. At the same time, we are pretty tired of painting. We are more ready for Seattle. We are doing our best to savor this time, even though it is tiring.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Green, But Not with Envy
Several months ago Jean bought me a new water container to drink from at work. She was concerned because even the dishwasher couldn't cleanse all of the green growth from the bottom. I hadn't taken the new container to work. But, Tuesday morning she was cleaning out the cupboards and tossed it to me to bring to work.I took a picture comparing the two. The old one, on the left, does have a nice, greenish hue.
I've always prided myself in how I slowly poison, er..., introduce things into my body to make it stronger. It's a strange thing. I would drink from a cup or eat from a dish that the dishwasher left food on. Yet, I will let a sandwich or meal that should be refrigerated sit out all day, and eat it of course. I worked as a custodian for our hometown church while I was on college. It was located in a pretty hard neighborhood. Prostitutes, the homeless, and drug dealers. One day I found one of those large drinking jugs with a straw in it on the church grounds. I took it in and washed it up and used it as thirst quencher at break. I got flack every day. On my last day there before I moved to Grand Rapids I asked everyone to autograph it. It was special.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Weeks Like This
I love weeks like this. Weeks where it seems like it snows everyday. Two inches of snow one day, six inches the next. The snow keeps coming. It makes it feel like something is happening. It pushes away the winter blahs.
These moon boots used to be my mom's. She sent them home with me back in December. Jean was going to where them to be like Napoleon Dynamite. Sam took them over today.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Sir Edmund Hillary Dies
Most know my love and fascination with Mt. Everest. Oh, the National Geographic DVDs I have on the subject. I even used Mt. Everest as a model for Men's Ministry. Sir Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay were the first humans to summit Everest. After that day in 1953, he devoted much of his life to helping the people of Nepal. Yesterday, Sir Edmund Hillary died.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Two Wrongs CAN Make a Right
We last left our cartographer in the grips of the electric villain...
So this morning I wired up the junction box just as I sketched it out on the diagram below. Turned the main power on, and the breaker tripped. STINK! I pulled the cover off the junction box. It should be right. It should. I put the cover back on and just stood there. I will need to call the electrician after all. The wiring to the junction box should be right. There must be something the way the three way switch is wired in the wall that I can't see.
Wait! That's IT!
See, on Tuesday I learned a lot about 3-way switches. The black screw is where the common wire goes, in most cases the black wire. When I put in a new switch for the set of basement lights on Saturday I wired the new switch just like the old one came out. Today I hypothesized that when I tried to wire the junction box correctly Monday the switch wiring then became wrong. I pulled the switch. The red wire looked to be in the correct place, but the black and white wires were opposite of what they should be – at least from what I learned Tuesday. I swapped the positions of the wires. I turned the breaker on. SWEET LIGHT! It worked! Two things wired incorrectly made the original wiring work. But, trying to make one part right Monday, made the entire thing completely wrong.
So this morning I wired up the junction box just as I sketched it out on the diagram below. Turned the main power on, and the breaker tripped. STINK! I pulled the cover off the junction box. It should be right. It should. I put the cover back on and just stood there. I will need to call the electrician after all. The wiring to the junction box should be right. There must be something the way the three way switch is wired in the wall that I can't see.
Wait! That's IT!
See, on Tuesday I learned a lot about 3-way switches. The black screw is where the common wire goes, in most cases the black wire. When I put in a new switch for the set of basement lights on Saturday I wired the new switch just like the old one came out. Today I hypothesized that when I tried to wire the junction box correctly Monday the switch wiring then became wrong. I pulled the switch. The red wire looked to be in the correct place, but the black and white wires were opposite of what they should be – at least from what I learned Tuesday. I swapped the positions of the wires. I turned the breaker on. SWEET LIGHT! It worked! Two things wired incorrectly made the original wiring work. But, trying to make one part right Monday, made the entire thing completely wrong.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Creating and Solving Problems
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."- Albert Einstein
I found this quote today. It really reminded me of our house. Sometimes I cause the mechanical problems in the house, but usually I am the one trying to fix the problemS the previous owners created. We moved into our house a few days before Christmas four short years ago. I should have known that when I turned on the shut-off valve to our clothes washer and water sprayed – not from the hose connection, but from the shut-off valve itself – that we were in for a bumpy ride. When we are fixing things and find something odd we usually just shake our heads. When a contractor tells of a problem we never flinch. We simply say, "I'm not surprised. Nothing about this house is surprising." Actually, a few weeks ago Jean had a post about recent things we've discovered.
Right now my task is putting up new can lighting in the basement. There was a suspended ceiling that seemingly was put together with odds and ends from a dumpster. Some of the ceiling was taken out after we moved in when the spiral staircase to the basement was replaced by a standard staircase. This summer we took the rest of the ceiling out. We left two of the four florescent fixtures to give some light, but it was pretty drab. One thing that I needed to do, besides put up different lighting, is remedy the ceramic light fixture that also served as a junction box for several other wires, including an extension cord to plug in more florescent fixtures, as well as a converter that screwed into the light socket to make it an electrical outlet. It scared me. It was so unsafe looking.
When I got the first bank of lights installed on the existing circuit, everything still functioned. Then, I went after the scary ceramic light fixture from an electrical inspector's worst nightmare. I took out the part that functioned as the light socket/electrical converter. I took out the extension cord. I wired the rest back together and put a proper junction box cover on it. But, the mess no longer worked. Worse yet, it caused the washing machine's outlet on the floor above, not to work either. CUSS!
Anyone who knows me well knows I obsess when I can't make something work. We had to go to Lansing. I was grumpy – because I was stumped. Yesterday I went back after it. I traced wires to their origins. What I couldn't trace by eye I hypothesized where they were coming from and where they were going. I dismantled the mess. Separated what I thought the main components were. Eureka! And it works! Tonight I attempt the second part of my grand experiment with electricity. It should work. If it does, I will try and post the wiring diagram that I sketched out for the second half of the grand experiment. It makes me thankful that Jean lets me talk out loud to her has I attempt to problem solve, that she trusts me enough to problem solve, that she loves our kids and the purity of their ears enough to remove them when a project makes a move that I haven't figured out how to counter yet, and that she is simply so beautiful.
Many of the previous installs and "fixes" in our house have not been brilliant by any stretch of the imagination. It makes me wonder, though, when someone says, "Nice job Einstein!" why isn't that a compliment?
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Of Brotherhood and Chocolate Donuts
Saturday afternoon we were blessed by the arrival of treasured friends. Nathan, Kerry Lynne, Josh, and Eva were on their way back to their home in Virginia after spending the week of Christmas in Michigan's upper peninsula with family.Nathan and Kerry Lynne were in the very first small group that Jean and I ever tried back in 1999. Our apartments were about 5 minutes apart. The friendship flourished. Hanging out at each others' place, going to see bands, on and on. Nathan can be credited as the one who got me hooked on mountain biking. There was a bond formed that even their move to Virginia 9 short months later couldn't break. We continued to see the friendship flourish. We encouraged each other through job changes, moves, joys, and heartaches. We've experienced adventure races, a business, and vacations together. I've hurt them, and they gave me forgiveness.
Though Nathan and I talk at least once a week it had been three years since I'd seen him. Having young kids and using vacation time for ministry had limited our ability to travel. I was leading a backpacking trip when they came to Michigan this past summer, so being able to have them at our place was a huge treat.
We took the boys sledding late afternoon. I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time. Wow, I needed to see my friend. He is one of those guys that you laugh your lungs out with and moments later be sharing the depths of the pain in your heart. The beats of our hearts are very similar. That is why it is always easy to pick up where we left off. Nathan, to you I say SLAP SLAP
Thoughts on Leadership
I consider myself to be a passionate person about good leadership. The people I invest in I strive to make better leaders. I get very frustrated at poor leadership by church staff and in the workplace.
Sometimes I let frustrating things go. Recently it has been easier to let frustrating things go because I won't be around here too much longer. Sometimes I don't let frustrating things go. Recently it has been easier not to let frustrating things go because I won't be around here too much longer.
Friday was one of those days that I didn't let a frustrating situation just slip by. About 2:45 my boss strolls out of his office with a smirk on his face and it appears he has an announcement to make. I say, "What's up, Mark?" He lets us know that "the office" will be closing at 4 PM due to weather. I ask, "Well, since I haven't had a lunch break yet, can I leave at 3?" My co-worker speaks up and says, "Since I only took a 15 minute break can I leave at 3:30?" My boss says, "Wow! I thought you guys would be happy to leave at 4!" I blurted out, "Buy you came in at 10 AM and took an hour and a half lunch." Ooops. First he said that he was going to "burn" a half of vacation day. Then, he said that he came in late and took a long lunch because he was working Dawn's shift to give extra coverage. Well, he couldn't have been doing both things. Much of me truly believes he was making an excuse. He was very quiet during my last 15 minutes.
It felt good. Not to one up my boss, but to open his eyes. He is a good "manager." He is a poor leader. Here's why I say that. This past summer he called someone in off of vacation in order to take someone else in the office to a golf outing. The person called in off of vacation performs a completely different job than the person Mark took to the golf outing. As a manager, you can do that. As a leader it is good to explain why two people need to go to a golf outing. Will it help having an additional person there, who just happens to breathe golf, in order to cement relationships and increase business?
Many of us have complained to Mark about Chuck's toxic attitude. The way Chuck treats customers, inspectors, and even others in "the office." Mark ignores it. Once ever four to six weeks he emerges from his office and micromanages everyone for approximately two hours, then returns to his office and hides from the rest of his staff for another four to six weeks.
The last month or more I have stepped up what I do there. Not only doing what is on my job description, but the jobs of many others as well. Even though that gives others even more time to trade stocks all day. And, Mark knows of their stock trading.
Friday it would have been so easy just to ignore Mark's attitude of "there is one set of rules for me and another set of rules for everyone else." I am in a place where I have nothing to gain and nothing to lose. No one in "the office" under Mark's management has had a raise or review in over two years. I will only be around a few more months. It is very good that poor leadership can be challenged without fear of what consequences truth could bring.
Sometimes I let frustrating things go. Recently it has been easier to let frustrating things go because I won't be around here too much longer. Sometimes I don't let frustrating things go. Recently it has been easier not to let frustrating things go because I won't be around here too much longer.
Friday was one of those days that I didn't let a frustrating situation just slip by. About 2:45 my boss strolls out of his office with a smirk on his face and it appears he has an announcement to make. I say, "What's up, Mark?" He lets us know that "the office" will be closing at 4 PM due to weather. I ask, "Well, since I haven't had a lunch break yet, can I leave at 3?" My co-worker speaks up and says, "Since I only took a 15 minute break can I leave at 3:30?" My boss says, "Wow! I thought you guys would be happy to leave at 4!" I blurted out, "Buy you came in at 10 AM and took an hour and a half lunch." Ooops. First he said that he was going to "burn" a half of vacation day. Then, he said that he came in late and took a long lunch because he was working Dawn's shift to give extra coverage. Well, he couldn't have been doing both things. Much of me truly believes he was making an excuse. He was very quiet during my last 15 minutes.
It felt good. Not to one up my boss, but to open his eyes. He is a good "manager." He is a poor leader. Here's why I say that. This past summer he called someone in off of vacation in order to take someone else in the office to a golf outing. The person called in off of vacation performs a completely different job than the person Mark took to the golf outing. As a manager, you can do that. As a leader it is good to explain why two people need to go to a golf outing. Will it help having an additional person there, who just happens to breathe golf, in order to cement relationships and increase business?
Many of us have complained to Mark about Chuck's toxic attitude. The way Chuck treats customers, inspectors, and even others in "the office." Mark ignores it. Once ever four to six weeks he emerges from his office and micromanages everyone for approximately two hours, then returns to his office and hides from the rest of his staff for another four to six weeks.
The last month or more I have stepped up what I do there. Not only doing what is on my job description, but the jobs of many others as well. Even though that gives others even more time to trade stocks all day. And, Mark knows of their stock trading.
Friday it would have been so easy just to ignore Mark's attitude of "there is one set of rules for me and another set of rules for everyone else." I am in a place where I have nothing to gain and nothing to lose. No one in "the office" under Mark's management has had a raise or review in over two years. I will only be around a few more months. It is very good that poor leadership can be challenged without fear of what consequences truth could bring.
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