In March Jean was let go from her job because the company had lost another company and couldn't afford to keep her. Honestly, they should have let me go. Jean did a lot more productive work for the company than I do. She gets paid by the piece, so they don't have to pay her any benefits. For some reason she was let go and I was allowed to stay. Maybe because they knew I was planning to leave by the end of summer anyway.
Jean and I made three promises. We would continue to tithe and give, we would not use the credit card to pay for anything, and we would not accept any help from our parents. Some months were very interesting, but we kept our promises and God always gave us just enough. It was especially hard during the storms when we lost power for several days and all of our perishables perished. We lost approximately $275 worth of food, and our home owners insurance would cover anything after a loss of $250. How would we replace that food, especially on one income that didn't cover the bills on paper? Friends showed up uninvited to cut trees. They also brought food. Others brought food which replaced more than we lost. Crazy.
Riding was good for me this summer. Sometimes I rode with Jean, sometimes I rode with Sam, sometimes I rode with the guys, and sometimes I rode with just God. When riding alone I would listen to music or a sermon by Andy Stanley or Erwin McManus or Francis Chan. They would help encourage me as I felt the walls close in by a house that wasn't selling in order to move to Seattle, and by a job that would come to an end for me by the end of summer if we stayed in Grand Rapids, with no other opportunities opening.
Jean and I were talking. I said that I could find Scripture that could support us staying and Scripture to support us going. One passage from Scripture that stopped me in my tracks is when Satan was tempting Jesus in the dessert and Jesus says, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'" Jesus quotes from Deut. 6:16 where the Israelites were being provided for, but it wasn't enough. But, one commentary says that when you are doing God's work, expect to be tested by the adversary, so "press on" basically and do what God is commanding. I told Jean that I felt immobilized. We couldn't be sure if we were going out of obedience or impatience, or staying out of obedience or disobedience.
Jean then brought out what she had just read the night before in "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day." This is what Mark [Batterson] says... Obedience is a willingness to do whatever, whenever, wherever God calls us. And that looks different for
each of us. It may mean applying to a graduate program or resigning a position. Part of me wonders if we've been sold a bill of goods. Is it just me or does it seem like some people act as if faith is a reduction of risk so our lives are, in the words of the old hymn, "Safe and secure from all alarm." The goal of faith is NOT the elimination of risk. In fact, the greatest risk is taking no risks... There is an old aphorism: "No one ever bet too much on a winning horse." I know this for sure: The only regrets we'll have at the end of our lives will be that we didn't seek God more or seek God sooner. That's it... Let me tell you something about stepping out on faith: You almost always second guess yourself. You make the decision to get out of the boat and you have second thoughts. You wonder if you made a mistake. 'Did God really tell me to get out of the boat?" [Quoting Andy Stanley...] "Generally speaking, you are probably never going to be more than 80 percent certain. Waiting for greater certainty may cause you to miss an opportunity..." Most of us want absolute certainty before we step out in faith. We love 100 percent money back gurantees. But the problem with that is this: it takes faith out of the equation. There is no such thing as risk-free faith. And you can't experience success without risking failure... [Mark then talks about Peter getting the bum rap because he's the one who denied Christ] He's [Peter is] the one who cut off the guys ear. But, he's the only one who defended Christ. He's the one who sinks in the Sea of Galilee, but he was also the only disciple who walked on water. It's easy to criticize Peter from the comfortable confines of the boat. I think there are two kinds of people in the world: creators and criticizers. There are people who get out of the boat and walk on water. And there are people who sit in the boat and criticize water walkers. Here is what I think: Sinking is better than sitting. When everything is said and done, I think our greatest regrets will be the God-ordained risks we didn't take. We wont' regret sinking. We will regret sitting. In the words of German author Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Hell begins the day God grants you the vision to see all that you could have done, should have done, and would have done, but did not do." ...Anything less than getting out of the boat is spiritual voyeurism. It is so easy to criticize water walkers form the comfortable confines of the boat. But I think the other 11 disciples were haunted by this missed opportunity. Think about it. They could have walked on water. But they chose to stay in the boat. They missed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity because they weren't willing to take a God-ordained risk.Jean closed the book. And together we decided that we must go to Seattle, even if we were only 80 percent sure at best if we should. Not because we were charged about what Mark wrote, but because we knew deeply what God had called us to do.
And shortly after making that decision we learned that my dad, who died three years ago, had left enough financially for me that would pay for our move, finishing our driveway, and school for Sam for a year. Crazy.
Our close friends are excited that we taking the risk, though they are sad that we won't be around to share life together. Other friends, even a few that are chasing their own lion into a pit on a snowy day, are concerned at what we are doing. That is cool. It is awesome to be truly cared about. My mom is sad because she will be much more than an hour from her only grandkids, her only son, and only daughter (in-law). Jean's parents are very sad, too, but said, "we know that is where you guys need to be."
Most everyone who loves us will worry about our choice to one degree or another. It is good to be loved. It is good to be cared for. It is also good that we are loved so much that people would be concerned.
I've written "Crazy" a few times. I just finished "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. In the book, Francis writes, Walking in genuine intimacy and full surrender to God requires great faith. Hebrews 11:6 says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Back when I was in Bible college, a professor asked our class, "What are you doing right now that requires faith?" That question affected me deeply because at the time I could think of nothing in my life that required faith. I probably wouldn't be living very differently if I didn't believe in God; my life was neither ordered nor affected by my faith like I assumed it was. Furthermore, when I looked around, I realized I was surrounded by people who lived the same way I did. Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different than you. That epitomizes what my life was like: characterized by comfort. But, God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through. God is asking each person to have faith. For us, we are 80 percent sure that it means going to Seattle NOW. We go knowing we are deeply loved by God and by our friends, even by the friends that are scared to death about the journey we are taking. We have good, good friends. Jean and I will keep the same three promises in Seattle: We will continue to tithe and give, we will not use the credit card to pay for anything, and we will not accept any help from our parents (except from my Dad who is giving now when he couldn't pay child support for me when I was growing up).
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