Wrapping

Shhhhhh... We're wrapping mommy's present. Daddy was nice enough to Photoshop out what we got for her. She's really going to like it though....

Comfort?

Last night I went to a viewing. I wanted to comfort my close friend and his wife. She had lost her brother.

The viewing was at a church in Lowell. There was a long line from the auditorium and through the lobby to offer sympathy and condolences to the family. A powerpoint presentation scrolled verses of comfort over peaceful photographs. I couldn't help but think, What a load of crap! I am not sure who the verses were intended for, but those verses made me wonder what use those verses were to the man who died. To the man who willingly took his own life. It was such a paradox of good Baptist lifeless comfort opposed by the sight of a man that found no comfort here. And, he left behind a little boy who will grow up with self accusation that he wasn't enough to make his dad want to live. I just don't understand.

Crash Remix (MTB)

I love mountain biking. I love watching mountain biking crashes on AFV. This youtube video is awesome!

Merry Manufactured Home Christmas

Here at "The Office" we let lenders and people know the value of their niche housing. We received this from Arizona. Merry Christmas!

The Next Book – "The Tender Bar: A Memoir"

I know I promised The Danger Habbit by Mike Barrett would be the next read, but I've decided to read The Tender Bar: A Memoir next. It's a book that I asked for a few years ago and received, only to sit on my book shelf.

It is time to read it. So many of the praises on the book's back cover. "A memoir of coming of age in, of all unlikely places, a great American bar." "The Tender Bar will make you thirsty for that life - its camaraderie, its hilarity, its seductive, dangerous wisdom." "Simply a wonderful book about a heaven of a life that everything going against it except intense love worth more than all the money in the world."

It makes me curious if that is the life – the camaraderie and wisdom and a heaven of life – many "Christians" are truly longing for but aren't getting inside the four walls of a building. And, wanting that life is made out to be shameful.

In A Pit With A Lion on a Snowy Day - DONE!

This morning I finished reading In a Pit with A Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. This is simply the best book I have read to date.

A few years ago I heard Margaret Feinberg speak at a Catalyst Lab. She had mentioned the book Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald during her talk. Her life and my life had a lot of similarities. We had e-mailed back and forth a bit. She said that she reads Ordering Your Private World at the beginning of every year to help her reset priorities. I read the book. For where I was at the time, the book was a bit to much about rigidity and disciplines. That was the very thing I was trying to be free from.

While reading In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day I realized that is a book that I need to read every year to help reset my priorities. The book is that good. The book is that necessary. The book is that re-orientating. I have already put a date in my iCal for December 2008 to read it again. Once all of the reading and papers and exams and classes are done after my first term at MHGS. Though I will probably need a break from reading, In a Pit will help remind me of the Lion God has called me to chase.

Under Pressure

(Such a great David Bowie with Queen song!)

Yesterday morning I stopped turning a blind eye to the lack of water pressure in our house. The lack of water pressure was noticeable especially in the upstairs bathroom. The faucet for the sink would belch air for a few seconds, and the shower had about half pressure.

Ignorance was bliss. Especially because the pump for our well looks like it is the original one, and worse yet the neighbors on both sides of us had new wells drilled a couple of summers ago. Yesterday morning I was doing laundry and water stopped coming into the washer. I couldn't ignore it any longer. I went down and, yep, the well pump wasn't running. I banged on it. Still didn't help. I pondered not going in to "The Office." I still had a sick day available. But, I pressued on. I took a shower with half water pressure. I went downstairs and the pump was running. I expressed to Jean that I was still going to call the well guy because something wasn't right.

The well guy came out in the afternoon. He borrowed a paper clip from Jean, and cleaned off the rust/deposits from the line that relayed pressure information back to the pump. WHEW! An $85 service call is WAY better than a new pump, or, worse yet, digging a new well.

A Day in the Attic

Yesterday Alina, Sam, and I traveled to my mom's house in Lansing. Jean needed the alone time. I needed to help my mom move and deliver several boxes of books that she had been storing for a relative for several years. I also wanted to go through a few of my dad's things that remained, as well as a few of my toys that remained.

We only make it to the Lansing area a few times of year anymore. Typically only when Jean's brothers all make it to town from out of state. So, I think yesterday was the first time I had been to my mom's house in a year - to set up her new to her computer.

It was like my bedroom was frozen in time. A few meaningful unopened bottles of beverages were on my wall shelf - a bottle of Mountain Dew from high school graduation, a can of Wink from Canada from my best friend (we met together every Wednesday morning for prayer during college, backpacking trips to Canada and Colorado, and he was the best man in our wedding) to name a few. The Amy Grant poster was still on the wall from the "Heart in Motion" album.

In the attic was my Grandfather's coronet that my mom played in marching band. I had forgotten how beautifully the instrument was detailed. Sam and I enjoyed trying to make music on it. I came across a few more Evel Knievel toys. All my stuffed animals. A couple of Tonka trucks that hadn't made out of the attic on previous toy raids. My box of hats (many serving as advertisements for the Chevy Blazers my dad drove, or the brands of cigarettes he smoked). Moon boots (yesssssssssssssssss!).

One of the coolest finds was in the box that also contained my mom's snowmobile helmet. In that box was a brown paper sack that was weathered by time. In the sack were the the congratulation cars from relatives and friends when I was born. That was cool. There was also one "it's a boy" cigar with the cards. I SO wanted to smoke it. Maybe on a special occasion. For now, it is safe inside the weathered brown paper bag inside the weathered Mead paper box.

Needing Monday Night

Last night Jean had left for ladies' group and I was putting dinner on the plates. Alina was in her chair in the dining room and asked, "Dad, why are you mad?" WOW! That disarmed me. I told her that I was sorry for acting mad.

The last several weeks have been really, really hard. The usual November depression, which may have hit a little harder this year with the weight of what needs to be done to the house to get it ready for selling. By the time I get home from work, hangout with the family, eat dinner, put Sam and Alina to bed - I am honestly ready for bed. And it's only 7:30. I don't feel like doing anything.

Work has been difficult recently. Or, frustrating. I've been handling some of the work load of the appraisers, only to give them more time to look at their stocks, badmouth people, etc. Often I can't breathe. Lately I've been wearing my ear buds to drown out the moaning and whining, until my ears heart to the point I need to take them out.

The last week or two there has been a change in Sam. Flexing a lot more attitude to Jean, to Alina, and to his teacher. So, when I got home last night I was already near a boil from work, and expecting a night of "attitude" from Sam, and literal screaming at Sam by Alina.

But, Alina knew something wasn't right, and she called me out. Last night was good. I was patient. I enjoyed them. Sam beat me in checkers. We all laughed and enjoyed each other last night. I needed them.

Hello Old Friend

Yesterday an old friend stopped by to chat. It was really, really good to hear from him. We talked for a couple of hours. It was good to catch up on life with him.

Hello Old Friend, by Eric Clapton
As I am strolling down the garden path,
I saw a flower glowing in the dark.
It looked so pretty and it was unique;
I had to bend down just to have a peek.

Hello old friend,
Its really good to see you once again.
Hello old friend,
Its really good to see you once again.

I saw you walking underneath the stars;
I couldnt stop cause I was in a car.
Im sure the distance wouldn't be too far
If I got out and walked to where you are.

Chorus

An old man passed me on the street today;
I thought I knew him but I couldnt say.
I stopped to think if I could place his frame.
When he tipped his hat I knew his name.

Chorus

Chorus

Cartographer Joke of the Day

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and placed it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

Untitled

We have this "Ninja Troll" at "The Office." Our afternoon / evening receptionist helps keep "The Office" fun by playing find the troll. At night she'll hide the troll and a few will try and find it the next day.

Wednesday he was on my desk, with a sign taped to his dagger that read "Congratulations Ed!"

This morning I completed all of my paperwork, and wrote a deposit check, indicating my intent to accept MHGS' invitation to study with them.

In my welcome packet there was a book entitled ma . tric . u . late. It is to help with some of the orientation process to MHGS. There is an opening letter in the book from Ron Carucci, the the Chief Operating Officer of MHGS. The last sentence in the second to last paragraph struck me well. That you have moved through the process and have met our acceptance criteria says you are among a unique caliber of people. Sure, just like everyone else who was accepted. But, it was like God whispered, I do love you. I do notice you. I do want to use you. And what I have in store is so far greater than what you had been imagining for the last several years.

My Band

There is a person in our office who is getting married. Yesterday I asked her if she was having a band play at her wedding. She said, "No. Just a DJ. I asked if my band could play. She said, "Just for fun?" I think she was trying to be polite, and really wanted to say no. I told her that my band was really good and that I printed her a flyer. i gave her this... (be sure to read the bottom of the poster!!!!)

What was in the Letter from MHGS

I have the luxury of instant messaging with Jean throughout the day while I'm at "The Office." Monday she kept watching for the mail carrier (actually, ours doesn't carry any mail as he doesn't walk – he's more of a mail driver). A letter should be arriving from Seattle anytime now. No mail yet. No mail yet. No mail yet. He finally came just before I got home from work Monday night. But, he didn't bring anything that we thought was important. Just one of those Valu-Paks full of coupons for services we don't need.

Tuesday, the mail dude was especially early. Jean went out and got the mail. She IM'd me that there was a credit card offer from Chase. An advertisement. And, "oooooooo. What do we have here?" She was being VERY cheeky as no one could miss the HUGE envelope from Mars Hill Graduate School. She didn't open it. I eagerly waited out the next 90 minutes until I picked Sam up from school and raced home to see what was in the big envelope.

Sunday morning I was feeling better about my fate. I remembered what I had written during the writing portion of my interview a few weeks back. I felt more at ease.

When Sam and I arrived home I tried to be calm. My eyes searched frantically for the "big envelope." I couldn't see it. Finally I blurted out, "Where is it???????" Jean said, "On the counter," with a big smile. She asked if I would come into the living room and open it. I really wanted to open it in a room all alone, but I obliged. I read the opening sentences to myself. Jean asked, "WHAT DOES IT SAY??????" It said:

Dear Ed,
It is my pleasure to inform you that the admission committee at Mars Hill Graduate School has approved your application for admission. I am delighted to extend to you an invitation to study in the M.A. in Counseling Psychology program beginning fall trimester 2008...

I also received a call last night from Crystal, the director of recruitment at MHGS. She wanted to be sure that I had received the e-mail back from her that I was considered for the MACP program, AND TO CONGRATULATE ME THAT I HAD BEEN ACCEPTED TO STUDY WITH THEM AT MARS HILL GRADUATE SCHOOL! She said that I am going to be a great addition to their community.

I told Jean, "I should have bought the $5 MHGS sweatshirt while I had the chance..."

Evel

Friday afternoon I was reading the headlines at "The Office." Robert Craig "Evel" Knievel had passed away. It was like losing a distant uncle or something. He was a part of my childhood. I remember being younger than Sam and watching his jumps. And the crashes. The fountains in Las Vegas. The canyon. Four of his jumps still among the top 20 most watched events on ABC's Wild World of Sports. I had several of his motorcycle toys. The regular motorcycle. The chopper. The rocket bike. I still have a lot of it in my basement, though they are barely together now.

In April 2007 he announced to over 4,000 people that he had accepted Christ. It is a cool conversion story. Not to awkwardly spiritualize his life, or his death, as we can easily do as Christians but it is cool nonetheless.

The Jury Has Reached Its Decision, Soon I Will Learn My Fate

I wonder if this time period of wait is what it feels like for a defendant who has been told that the jury has reached its decision, and the judge has told everyone to be in the court room in two hours. This is how I feel the next three to four days are going to feel for me. Let me explain.

Friday afternoon while we were in Seattle I talked with Crystal, the director of recruitment and admission, about changing the degree program that I was applying for from the MDiv to the MACP (masters of counseling psychology) program. We talked about it more during the weekend. I said that I would do anything to help make the process easier for them, including submitting additional essays, etc. I sent an e-mail to her on Wednesday asking if there was anything that I needed to do.

Yesterday I received this e-mail:
Hi Ed,
I just want you to be assured that you were considered for the MACP program. We’ll be in touch in the next several days.
Warmly,
cgm

I read this as meaning they have made a decision on me. Their desire of whether or not they desire me to attend Mars Hill Graduate School has been printed on letterhead, inserted into an envelope, and is enroute to my mailbox.

The hardest thing is struggling with the fear of rejection. It has been the theme of most of my life. It has been a major theme the last couple of years, especially over a job I thought I was destined for. That job desire was the reason I wrestled with God so much alone on the mountain bike trail in the mornings this summer. And, He wrestled with me. The fear lies in wondering if God will say, "No." If the answer is "No," my battle will be to believe that God has not rejected me. That He still has something even better. But, rejection can take away any signs of life, courage, will, and desire.

Philippians 1:29 says: It has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for Him.

In In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day Mark Batterson says, "The word granted comes from the Greek root charizomai, which literally means 'to grant a favor.' This sounds ludicrous at first earshot, but it almost as if God is saying: Listen, I owe you a favor. Let me let you suffer. We tend to see suffering as a necessary evil at best, but Paul calls it a divine favor."

Regardless of what the letter says, I need to remember this.

December's Blog

December's blog didn't turn out quite as obnoxious as originally planned. The mock up was festive. This morning, it hurt my eyes. Welcome to "December's Blog Lite."