Mariners vs. Tigers Baseball Game

Sunday Sam and I had tickets to see the Seattle Mariners play the Detroit Tigers. We were cheering for our home-state team. The baseball game was fun because being with Sam is fun. It was a great time, and it was a lot different than what I had anticipated. It is amazing how much Sam has grown into being able to watch a game. I remember taking him to the Whitecaps games just a few years ago and all he was interested in was eating. And, as much as he likes to eat NOW (when he gets up in the morning the first thing he does is eat breakfast, and after breakfast he asks what is on the lunch menu and what we will be having for dinner), he didn't ask to visit the concession stands. He wasn't bored. He was really into the game.

At the beginning of the 8th he did say that he needed to stretch. We went to the bathroom, and then walked to the outfield bridge and watched a few pitches. After those two pitches Sam said he wanted to get back to our seats. WOW. It is just amazing to me how into the game he really was.

We did miss the big Detroit home run around the second or third inning. We were looking for Detroit Tiger sweatshirts. The day was beautiful, but we were in the shade which made it a little chilly. There was no Tiger wear to be found. We ended up finding "D" caps in the main Mariners' shop. Of course, they didn't have the right size for my head. I ended up spending an inflated amount of money for a cap that cuts off the blood flow and blurs my vision. But, it was okay. Sam and I got matching hats. Sam has been wearing his hat every day since.

Sunday evening when we got home we played baseball in our yard, and Sam invited some of the neighbor kids to play, too. And we have played catch nearly every morning before school.

The Expeditious Slug

Yesterday I noticed this slug in our house. It had come under the front door by way of a gap at the corner. The slug was about two and a half inches long. I left him there for Jean and the kids to see when they got home.

Unfortunately, we all forgot about it. After LOST was over, Jean and I headed to bed. It was no longer by the front door. There was no slime trail leading anywhere, so I figured it may have gone back outside. I opened the front door, but there was no slug. They don't move that fast, but I still figured it had made its way out and back into the front flowerbed.

We read in bed for a bit and I fell asleep. I woke up around 1:30am to got to the bathroom. On the way back to the bedroom I noticed the slug in the doorway of our bedroom and it was heading for the hall. It was in moving mode. Its antennae were up, and it was stretched out to 4". Fortunately for me, I had fallen asleep before turning my reading light off. Otherwise I would never have seen it on my way back to bed. I would have stepped on it and gotten slug squished between my toes. I was fortunate that I didn't step on it on my way out of the bedroom.

How did it get there? There was no slime trail. Did it hitch a ride on Sam's blanket? I seriously doubt Moose played with it and brought it into our room. If it doesn't pet him, Moose doesn't pay attention to it. Regardless of how it got there, it took an early morning ride on the porcelain express.

First Sleep Over

Our little girl is having her first away-from-home sleepover with a non-relative tonight. She is so excited. (Moose had to stay behind, though.)

She Used the B Word!

I've been noticing it has been getting harder to read things up close. Being a grad student, I have to read lots of things up close. I have to read a lot of things period. So, Thursday I went in for an eye exam.

She said that my far vision is very good. Just needed a slight prescription lens. That prescription has been pretty much unchanged since college. I've needed a slight prescription since then. I rarely wore my glasses, though. I did get a pair of prescription lenses for mountain biking about 6 years ago and found those worked great. They helped me ride a little faster because they made the focus of things crisper––like trees, etc. Otherwise, the only way I could ride fast was being about a foot off of someone's wheel. Riding was the only time I needed any eye help.

The eye doctor told me my near vision wasn't so good. And, she said that I could go with bifocals. WHAT!?!?! She said, "I know it's hard to hear. But, it happens when we get about this age." The phrase "this age" is daunting. I won't be going with bifocals, though. I am going with a "progressive lens," where both prescriptions are contained in on lens without the dreaded bifocal line.

The Final Stretch

I have just finished my Psychopathology II paper. There is a lot of applause in my head. With that off my plate, the rest of the semester is coming to a close. Five classes are now down to three, and will be down to two after Wednesday. I only have a few projects to do before the end of the semester:
Monday March 29: Video last practicum Quad
Wednesday March 31: Have 110 pages read for a quiz
Wednesday March 31: Last practicum 1:1
Wednesday April 7: 8-10 page Theology research paper due (I should probably decide on a topic)
Monday April 12: Psychopathology group final (should be as simple as reading through the personality disorders section of the DSM––about 8 pages or so)
Wednesday April 14: Turn in three page theology journal
Thursday April 15: Nap until May 3

A Typical Conversation on the Way to School

This conversation took place this morning when I was driving the kids to school.

Me: Hey guys. Did I tell you I ordered your backpacks yesterday?
Alina: What colors are they?
Me: Yours is orange, Sam's is blue.
Alina: Ugh! Can Sam have orange? I like blue.
Sam: Dad, will we be able to go camping? This spring? Just me and you? For you and me time?
Alina: It's okay Sam. Me and mommy need some time away from you. We've been with you for a thousand years.

Ice Skating

The kids didn't have school on Alina's birthday, so I took them ice skating. They had been wanting to go for a very long time.

Now, before watching the video, keep in mind that I was a great ice skater. When I was younger, my cousins and I would ice skate at our grandparents' lake home. I took weekly ice skating lessons, and the instructor must have thought that I had some potential because she had me skate with a girl at the end of lessons. We were taught the basic moves performed in couples ice skating and told to repeat them together on the ice. Now, as you watch the video, remember that was 30 years ago. (Turn your sound up.)

Tim Conder

On Wednesday, Tim Conder spoke in our Theology class. Tim is on the MHGS board, and is the pastor of Emmaus Way Church in Durham, North Carolina. If I lived in Durham, North Carolina I would attend his church. He is a man who is passionate about the church body living in community.

Much of his conversation with the class revolved around John Howard Yoder's book, Body Politics. This book has influenced much of Tim's thinking. If you ever have the chance to read it, definitely do.

I love Tim's heart around restoration and around table fellowship. His heart is awesome!

Mail

Yesterday I received a letter in the mail from the United States Department of Commerce. It told me that I would be receiving more mail from them in a few weeks. What???? Okay. I understand the importance of the census and all, but I'm not sure that I understand the rationality of sending out mail which informs people that they will be getting more mail. Perhaps, and hopefully, there has been research done to warrant the need for sending out mail about mail. That doing this helps increase the return rate for the census. I still find it funny, though, to get mail in which the first line says, in about a week you will be getting more mail.

Unicorns

Did you know that the King James version of the Bible uses the word Unicorn nine times? Seriously! My two favorites are:
Isaiah 34:7 And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.

And

Psalm 92:10 But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.

Speaking of unicorns, this commercial is very funny to me . . .

820 Pages

If I calculated correctly, I have read 820 pages in the last week. For some veracious readers, that is not very much. For me––someone who, despite being in grad school, has never been a fast reader or even enjoyed reading––is a huge accomplishment. I read because I "should."

So, to have read 820 pages this week––which was reading week, but most people usually vacation––is a feat. A feat considering I read laboriously, Jean was gone, I was sick, and had two sick kids, is quite remarkable. I am grateful to Jean for giving me the 3 days at the cabin to get through a book and a half. If it wasn't for that, I would be in big trouble. Now, I am at the end of book four. I just need to type two papers for Monday and I'm golden. Until Tuesday...

Operation Pink Birthday Ribbon

Wednesday Jean left the warmth of Seattle for the frigid, arctic conditions of Grand Rapids in order to be a birthday surprise for her friend Lyndsay, and to see her BFF Anne. Operation Pink Birthday Ribbon was a huge success in that Lyndsay was surprised to tears when she say Jean at the Gerald R. Ford International Airport.

I am glad that Jean was able to get away. She has been working so hard in ministry and is just exhausted. It will be great for her to be with close friends, and not have to worry about Sunday details, or family details. She can rest and laugh and renew and just be herself. Great friendships are awesome like that!

Reading

Jean was awesome enough to procure a small log cabin for me for several days so that I could get some reading done for one of my classes. With having five classes, being a husband, dad, and I'm sure other things, too, it has been easy to fall behind. For one class, I need to have four books read and two papers written by the time classes resume next week. Thus, the cabin. I got the hardest book done, and half of another. So, finishing 2 1/2 books, and two papers for that class should be a breeze. Maybe...

The cabin was simple. No TV. No internet. It had a kitchen, an eating area/sleeping area, and a bathroom with a cast-iron tub. I didn't lounge around and sleep the time away. During meals I would watch a Catalyst speaker. Other than that, I just read. Pulled a couple of chairs up next to the gas stove to stay toasty and just read. But, I feel refreshed. And, I feel like I have more reading to do (after I play with the kids).

Food for Thought

My psychopathology professor says this phrase over and over:
The thing you don't like about someone else is the very thing that you don't like about yourself, but haven't worked with yet.

Fix You

Most are familiar with this song by Cold Play. I love the music in this song––the gradual buildin, and the point where the guitar and drums come in always brings out the greatest air-virtuoso within me. I even love the words of the song. Well, most of the words. I love all of the words except, "and I will try to fix you." It seems like a good intention. These words have always made me wonder, though, "What is so wrong with me that you need to 'FIX' who I am? Am I that unlovable? And, what will you do with me if you can't fix me?"

The past two Fridays and Saturdays I have been taking an intensive 2 credit class called Domestic Violence: The Impact of Abuse. Several times over the past two days our professor made the statement, "I don't like to think of people as being broken. Because what happens to things that can't be fixed? They get thrown away. I would rather think of someone as being wounded and in need of healing."

My story has involved me being thrown away, which is how I learned to throw away. I don't want you to think of me as broken anymore, and I don't want to think of you as broken anymore. I want to know that you won't throw me away. That you will help in my healing. And, I want to be the person who won't throw you away. I will befriend you in your healing.

Worship Leader's Nightmare

And, the nightmare isn't the lack of audio...

Good Stuff

I love this footage of Drew Brees with his son . . .

Typing Papers

I have a new way of typing papers now . . .

The Big FOUR-OHHHHH!

Last week I turned 40! [Gasp!] And, Jean surprised me with the gift of Sherpa! A great gift indeed! I was sitting between classes and working on my computer. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a body coming at me. Then it bear-hugged me from the side. I heard a whisper––"Happy birthday my brother!" I kept asking who it was because for the life of me I couldn't figure it out. It was Johnny! I couldn't believe he was standing here, next to me. With a big tear running down his face. Oh, what a great gift.

He was here for 5 quick days. I enjoyed showing him the sites of things like Pike's Place Market and Seattle's underground, to Deception Pass, and taking him to eat alligator.

He was a great refreshment to my heart because the last several weeks have been a time in which I have been missing dear friendships. He is a man who I can just be myself around and he loves me in that and for that. Ahhhhh. What a great birthday.

Two Angles of Sleep

Same night, two different angles of two very sleepy and lovable guys.

Coming Home

Last night I walked in the door after class and saw this . . .































Which, was pretty surprising in and of it self because I didn't know Moose knew how to lay anywhere else than on someone's lap.

And, who wouldn't love this face?





















I also came across this boy with funny teeth in his mouth. . .

First Basket

On Saturday Sam scored his first basket. You'll hear Alina on the video saying that all the cheering hurt her ears, but we were SO excited for Sam! I love how Sam runs up the floor afterward, sets his sight on his man for defense, then looks over at us and gives a big smile!

Stafford and Moose

We headed to Petsmart yesterday afternoon for a new fish to replace Geoffrey. But, we got sidetracked, as we always do when we go to Petsmart, by the kitties that are for adoption there by the Arlington, WA humane society. And, while we were looking at the kitties, I fell in love with a big cat by the name of Moose. Mind you, I am really not a cat person. Maybe it is because my first cat, Barber Shop, ran away after we moved when I was 5 (that will need to be talked about in therapy!).

Most cats had their weight listed (i.e., "Sting," 9 lbs., 14 oz.). Moose's size was simply listed as "Large." But, we weren't able to pet him until the volunteer came to the store to exercise the cats. So, while we waited, Sam picked out his new fish––"Stafford." Stafford is named after Matthew Stafford, the quarterback of the Detroit Lions. Stafford is a stunningly beautiful blue fish. And, fortunately, seems a bit livelier than Geoffrey did when we bought him.

And then, finally, the volunteer arrived. We got to spend time with Moose. Well, mostly I did. He was a big guy, and a lap cat––which is perhaps why he is such a big guy. We decided that we would adopt him. The kids and Jean would take a kitty anytime, but Moose stole my heart. We had to come back to Petsmart between 6 and 8pm to fill out the adoption paperwork. We did, and brought the Big Fella home.

He was a bit restless in the night. He'd sleep on my tiny wife for a while, then go visit Sam's room, then Alina's. Then, Repeat. A little after 4am he didn't return. When we got up this morning Jean and I searched all over for him. We didn't see him in either of the kids' room. We searched and searched the house. Then, we went back in Alina's room. Silhoetted in the night light was Moose's head on Alina's bed. The rest of his big body was under Alina's kitty blanket. She had covered him up in the night when he got on her bed.

He loves being in our home. He loves being loved on by Jean and the kids. And by me. Today, during nap time he slept on my stomach for over two hours. He'd probably still be there if I was still napping. He loves Jean's lap, and has become her new "laptop."

Goodbye Geoffrey

Last night we said goodbye to Geoffrey. Geoffrey was Sam's fish. His first pet. He cried when we knew it looked as if Geoffrey was dying. Yesterday Geoffrey died.

Last night we held a small service for Geoffrey and we each dressed up. Sam wrote the eulogy and read it during the service. And, then Sam prayed. He did a great job.

For Sam, it was about his fish. For me, not as much. For me it was about letting Sam grieve, and being there with him in his grief. To be his dad, to hold him while he cried, and let him know it was perfectly okay to be sad as he wept.

Today, we plan to get another fish. Not to replace Geoffrey in Sam's heart, but to help take a bit of the sting away.

Tenacious D

Keep an eye on number 12 for the team wearing the white jerseys. Sam plays tenacious defense for the Eagles.

Inside

After Sam's basketball game today we headed downtown to Top Pot for doughnuts, then we walked around the city. One of the places we went into was a piano store. Alina walked up to a piano and began playing "Inside" by Van Halen. Nice!

My First AA Meeting

I'm taking a Substance Abuse class in school. It is an elective. I'm taking it because the population that I want to work with after graduation will likely suffer from substance abuse issues. A slightly lesser reason for me taking the class is that my dad was an alcoholic and I want to understand something about who he was.

As part of my Substance Abuse class, we have to attend a 12 Step Meeting. I attend one last night. It was a meeting just for men. My intention was to say as little as possible. I sat at one of the round tables, at the far end of the room from where the leaders of meeting were sitting. Another new guy was there, and he sat next to me. Every one else knew each other and were joking with each other and catching up. A few guys recognized that we were new, and they introduced themselves to us.

The meeting kicked off and a few guys read things. Every time someone talked, they would say, "Hi, my name is so and so, and I'm an alcoholic." The group would respond with, "Hi so and so." Then, the man would continue speaking. One of the orders of business was to ask who had a birthday this month. I started to raise my hand because I have a birthday this month, then I soon realized that wasn't what he meant. That was awkward for me. He was asking for people to share how long they'd been sober.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the only awkward moment of the night for me. The two of us new guys had to wear goofy hats for part of the meeting to acknowledge that we were goofy, just like the rest of them. During this time, one of the group leaders read from the "Big Book." Others had mentioned the Big Book earlier. I came to find out that it wasn't the Bible. It was the Alocholics Anonymous 576 page book. The man then shared some things from his life related to what he had read. He then called on people the rest of the night to share. He called on half to three quarters of everyone there, and I was not exempt. When he called on me, I just smiled and shook my head "No." He then asked the other new guy to speak, and the guy did. A few more guys were then asked to share before there was a smoke break at 8:20.

During the smoke break the guy who had adorned my head with the goofy hat asked if I had a Big Book. I said no. He asked if I wanted one, I said sure. He came back with a brand new copy for me. He also gave me a list of guys in the group and their contact information. He said that because this is my first time and don't have a sponsor he would like to be my intermediate sponsor. He asked me to call him today. He talked a lot about the group and how great it was that it was just a men's group because they could "fart, swear, belch and do all of the things that men do." He then told me to be sure to call him tomorrow [today].

Not really wanting to make conversation because I felt like a spy, I buried my head into the Big Book. With about 5 minutes to go in the smoke break, the guy who had initially read from the Big Book and had asked guys to share, including me, came and sat next to me. He introduced himself and asked how long I had been sober. He had a name like a disc jockey. I told him that my dad was an alcoholic. He asked, "but you're not?" I shook my head no. I am not sure that he believed me. I think he thought I was still in some sort of denial. He said, "We have guys here with other problems, too."

After the smoke break a few more guys shared, and we were done a little after 9pm. As awkward as it was, I was mostly impressed by guys who shared how when they hadn't been at a meeting for a week or so, other guys would come pick them up and take them out for coffee. How guys were not willing to let others fall.

On my way out, my intermediate sponsor thanked me for coming and reminded me to call him tomorrow [today]. I smiled and said, "Thank you."

DEPRESSION PRECEDES BREAKTHROUGH

As a person who suffers with depression, I love these words . . .

"C. H. Spurgeon is one of my favorite dead-guy pastors. He wrote and led in the 19th Century and wrestled with depression most of his life.

I love this insight from him: “This depression comes over me whenever the Lord is preparing a larger blessing for my ministry; the cloud is black before it breaks, and overshadows before it yields its deluge of mercy. Depression has now become to me as a prophet in rough clothing, a John the Baptist, heralding the nearer coming of my Lord’s richer benison.”

Have you ever thought that your depression or struggle could be preparing you for something greater?"

Written by Jud Wilhite, People of the Second Chance blog

Note to Santa

Our kids have never really been into Santa. This year Alina wanted to leave sweets for him. I don't think she expected any gifts from him––not even in her stocking. She just wanted to leave him something to eat.

Her note to Santa said:
Dear Santa,
These cookies and milk are for you.
Do not take the dishes.
Love, Alina and Sam

Serving Christmas

This year we wanted to do something different for Christmas. Instead of simply giving money to an organization, we agreed as a family that we wanted to spend time touching lives. So, we did. We found an opportunity to spend time at a nursing home while dinner was being served to the residents.

It sounds "nice." It was extremely hard. Some residents were able to attend dinner in the main dining room, and some even had family who came and ate with them there. That isn't the dining room we were assigned to. We were assigned to two small dining rooms. The two where many were not coherent. Of those that were coherent, most were suffering from dementia.

We were encouraged over and over by the staff how much the residents loved having us there. That it really meant a lot to them. I had to trust them, because it didn't seem to make a difference.

Jean and Sam spent time in one, Alina and I in another. After 45 minutes we teamed up and went table to table as a family. Christmas day showed me once again just how compassionate Jean's heart is for people. Her smile was contagious, and her caring words did make a difference in that place of little hope. She is so gentle, loving, and kind. She is great example to me and our kids. What takes great effort on my part seems effortless to her. Jean was the ray of warm sunshine in that place Christmas day.

The Second Gift of Christmas

Yesterday when I returned home, Jean's mom told me that a package had arrived and that she put it on our bed. I thought that perhaps it was a shirt that I had ordered for Alina with her school's logo on it. Instead, and even better, it was a red Captain Canada t-shirt from none other than Kevin Baker. That gift brought a big, big, big smile to my face. Today, I am wearing it with Canadian pride.

The First Gift of Christmas

My mom had some of her Super 8mm film converted to DVD for me to have as a Christmas gift. I loved seeing me as a baby. I cut and pieced together some segments from the DVD with me in them to form the clip below. The first woman you will see is my Aunt Jan. The first man, my dad. The woman holding me tightly, my mom. The dude at the end wearing the "too much information yellow swim suit"––no clue.

People of the Second Chance

Mike Foster talks about being People of the Second Chance. In his recent blog post he says,

"As People of the Second Chance, here are a few of my suggestions:

1. You have so many words that you can share in a day. Decide whether they will be about blessing or cursing someone.

2. When someone is caught in a scandal, I visualize two buckets that I can fill. I can add to the “Shame Bucket” or the “Second Chance Bucket.” Sometimes my first/easy/fun/human nature response is to fill the “Shame Bucket” so I have to work harder not to do that.

3. For all you online peeps…write your articles, blogs, tweets, and comments as if the person in crisis (and their family) were reading it. Why? Because they do! And the jokes, snarky comments, sloppy facts and flippant remarks hurt people. Instead, devote your computer keyboard to the restoration of people.

4. Refuse to participate in the gossip session around the water cooler. Or better yet, jump in and turn the conversation towards grace and second chances. Btw, just plan on being called a “buzz kill” and not invited back to any more social functions.

5. Realize we are either part of the judgment problem or the grace solution. But we can’t be both. So choose wisely."


I am thankful for the Second Chance People in our lives:
• Johnny and Angie
• Kevin and Kari
• Brian and Karen
• Anne and Andy
• David and Heather
• Kurt and Kelly
• Tim and Cole
• Steve and Molly
• Howard and LindaJo
• Terry and Roxanne
• All of the mountain biking guys

Each of you are indeed the People of the Second Chance!

Tripp and Tyler Thanksgiving

You know my LOVE for Tripp and Tyler, and their "Don't Be that Guy" films. Happy Thanksgiving!

More Developments

Like I said in my previous post, we got film developed. It is crazy to see how much Sam and Alina have grown.

First, Sam:









































And, Alina:

Snorkle

This weekend we decided to finally get some film developed. We had three underwater cameras that needed developing and two rolls of 35mm film that had who knows what on it. We haven't shot 35mm in YEARS! This photo is from our 10 year anniversary trip to Cancun. That trip was certainly the highpoint of the 2005.

My Biggest "OH CRAP!" Moment of the Semester

So, this morning I had my biggest "OH CRAP" moment of the semester. A few weeks ago our Theology professor bumped the due date of our research paper from 11/18 to 11/23. Somewhere in there I was thinking that 11/23 was the Monday AFTER Thanksgiving, not the Monday BEFORE Thanksgiving. 11/23 is a week from today! OH CRAP!

I'm really tired. Tired to the point that I feel like there is nothing left in me that can be written that could possibly make any coherent sense. Ugh!

Ethics in the Workplace

The country has recently had to deal with several "high profile" ethics issues in the workplace. The ethics issue in the workplace has recently focused around people in high position having sex with those in lower job positions. David Letterman, the baseball analyst for ESPN, etc. But, has the ethics issue at Babyland General Hospital ever been brought to light?

For those of you not familiar with it, Babyland General Hospital is the place where Cabbage Patch babies are born. This morning, I'm holding one of Alina's Cabbage Patch kids while eating breakfast. The baby's Cabbage Patch birth certificate is on the table. I'm eating, holding the baby, and reading. To my horror I see that Xavier Roberts is both the hospital's chief of staff, but also the child's father. (See both pictures below.) Further, for the child to be "genuine," the birth certificate says that "Xavier Roberts" must also be tattooed on the Cabbage Patch's bottom. What is going on at Babyland General Hospital? And, exactly what kind of man is this Xavier Roberts?

Innovation Cultivation

This article entitled Innovation Cultivation has been linked by several leadership blogs I read. And, I am not sure that it could have come at a better time. It is in harmony with a lot of what I have been thinking about lately (well, besides all the papers I'm writing over the next several weeks). Enjoy!

A Fun Reason to Take the Stairs

I could totally see my friend Andy doing this to the stairs leading to his new studio.

That Will Leave a Mark UPDATE

So, yesterday when I posted the videos I realized that they were at the wrong size to be fully seen. I have resized them, so if you'd like to see all of what was happening on the right side of the screen, take another look. You should be able to see just about all of what was going on in the videos now. Enjoy––again!

That Will Leave a Mark

A few weeks ago Jean and I were at Catalyst. The theme of the conference this year was "On Your Mark." Well, at the beginning of many sessions we were treated with two videos by Tripp & Tyler of "Don't Be That Guy Films," and two very creative people who attend Northpoint. Those guys are the most hilarious people. Below, are the 10 "That Will Leave a Mark" clips (2 per segment). They get funnier as they go. Enjoy!

Your Party

Windows 7 is here! Who is hosting your launch party? Seriously!

Tips from a Baker

When we lived in Michigan I loved spending Halloween with my friend Kevin Baker. He has a heart for people. He would set up a portable firepit and have hot chocolate for the parents to stop and warm up. He did this for two reasons: to love, and to be able to have a conversation with them.

Last year, being in Seattle, I missed hanging with him. For a week or more he talked about having the hot chocolate delivered. I could only imagine that it came in a truck like the one pictured. Just add several million hot chocolate packets to the water truck and let it mix while it travels down the road to Kevin's. We missed hanging with them. We called their house and Jean got to talk with Miss Kari for a while last Halloween night.

This year, my friend will be in China for Halloween. And, this year I decided to pick up his torch. I went on Craig's List and purchased this firepit for $35 (a sweet value considering THE THING IS HUGE!). We tried it out last night by roasting hotdogs and making smores. I am looking forward to lighting this thing up Halloween, and having some hot chocolate ready for two reasons: to love, and to be able to have a conversation.

Kevin: I love ya like a play cousin!

A Journey With Your Best Friend

This movie looks great! I am looking forward to seeing it. Best friends taking a journey together.

If you were taking a journey with your best friend, what would it be? Of course, marriage is a journey, but that isn't the answer I'm looking for (just like in Sunday School, the right answer isn't always JESUS!). Think crazy big! What would a journey with your bestest friend look like?

Paddle to Seattle Trailer from Ben Gottfried on Vimeo.

WOW!

WOW! It is hard to believe things like this still exist.

What is Motivating You?

The Motivation No One Likes to Credit is a very good and interesting must read. Be sure to read the entire post. Don't let the photo of Michael Jackson with Fred Astaire detour you from what the post is truly about.

Airplane

The first day of Catalyst is over. It was a great day. It was a great day to be with Jean and talk through the great things going on in her life. So good.

I do need to share a story about the airplane. Yesterday we get on the plane in Seattle, and just as I'm walking on the plane, two maintenance guys are walking off––one carrying a roll of duct tape. I wonder what he fixed with that. Never mind, I really don't want to know . . .

Happy Catalyst Eve

Happy Catalyst Eve! If you look forward to events, this is the ONE event that to look forward to every year. (Christmas, birthdays, and even Valentine's Day don't count as events––but Canadian Thanksgiving might.)

I feel like I'm at a good spot for Catalyst this year. Less deconstruction and more reconstruction. Though I will miss seeing a few of my friends who aren't traveling in, I will be with my best friend. I am so looking forward to being with her. Getting to hear her heart, both in ministry, and especially in life. It will be a great time away with her. Short, but great.

Nails on a Chalkboard

My most disliked phrase from those in ministry is some version of the words, "God showed up." Whether it is, "I need God to show up," or "God showed up huge." It is just grating. If you Googled the phrase, "I need God to show up," you get 98,500,000 results. When did we get the notion that God was absent, or somewhere else?

Psalm 139, especially verses 7 through 12, is a Psalm of God's inescapable presence:
⁷Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
⁸If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
⁹If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
¹²even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

We can't find a place to go where God isn't already there. Waiting. He doesn't need to show up. His Godness is always present wherever we run to or run from. He is not waiting for us to show up. Wherever we are, He is there with us. Perhaps he is just waiting for us to show up with more of our being, expecting communion.

It Was Only a Little Gas

In fourteen years of marriage, I think we have only been a two-car family for a grand total of three of those years. We even made it through our first year in Seattle with one vehicle. But, with Jean working, the kids needing to be taken to and picked up from school, and with me being in school and completing inspections, one vehicle wasn't cutting it. We found that out last week. Even if I didn't have inspections the bus isn't much of an option for me––as it takes about an hour to get home, and I want to maximize being home as long as I can before the kids go to bed. Jean picking me up after class is often a logistics nightmare, especially with the kids. So, all that to say, we needed a second car.

I found a car on Craig's List that seemed to fit what I needed. Low cost, yet well-maintained. I pulled the car fax on it and though it was 18 years old, it was a single-owner car with a clean history, and a mechanical history of always being routinely serviced at the dealership. So, after mountain biking with Jean Friday morning [which is TOTALLY a whole post in itself], we went over to take it for a test drive. It was clean inside and out. The guy at the used car place pulled it out for us and said told us that it was low on gas and that if we didn't feel comfortable to fill it up and just let him know.

We took it for a drive, filled it up, drove some more, and came back. It was perfect for what we needed. I told the guy that I had seen it advertised on Craig's List for $XX.XX, and wondered how low he would be able to go including tax, title, and license. He said with tax, title and license it would cost $300 more than what it was listed for. He asked what we were looking to spend. I said that we were looking to spend $300-$400 less, including tax, title, and license, than it was listed for (prior to them adding tax, title, and license)––so there was about a $600 gap between us. He called the owner, and then said that the lowest he could come down is $200. He welcomed us to stay and talk to the used car dealership owner, who would be there in 5-10 minutes if we would like. We did.

During our wait, Jean and I decided that we would increase our highest offer by $100. When the used car dealership owner arrived he asked how he could help. I told him that we were interested in buying the 1991 Toyota Camry. He said, "Buy, or Steal?" It was an intense conversation. And, less than pleasant. We left holding our ground, and being okay that we held to what our budget said we could do.

About 5 minutes into our drive home Jean said, "We filled up the car." And I said, "I totally forgot to tell him that." She responded, "It's okay. It isn't worth it to go back." Just then, the man that I had talked with originally called me. He said, "When I was parking the car I noticed you filled up the car. I talked with the owner and because you filled it up he wants to work with you. We can come down $50 from our previous price." There was basically a $250 difference between their lowest and ours. I told him that I couldn't. He asked if we could pay our price now, and he would give us 45 days to pay the remainder. I told him that is all that I could afford. That I am in graduate school and we are on a budget. That my budget 45 days from now doesn't allow for an extra $250. He said that he would continue to talk with the owner and would call me back.

Well, he called back and offered a price that was just $100 difference higher than my highest price. I told him that I would talk with my wife and call him back. I talked with Jean. I said that I was okay paying $100 more, but if she wasn't it was okay. That we just needed to be in agreement. I would be okay not getting the car.

But, she was still left with the weight of being the one to decide. She told me that she didn't like having to be the one having to make the final decision. She was right. I went into the bedroom where I thought Jean couldn't hear and said, "I just can't. I know that $100 isn't a lot of money and $100 isn't the issue. My wife and I had a set amount and I want to honor that. My relationship with her is what matters most. Again, I don't mean any disrespect to you as it is only $100. I just want to honor my wife in keeping to what she and I had decided on." The guy responded, "The owner feels really bad that you filled up the car. Come down and you can buy it for your price."

Jean had only heard my side of the conversation. She was all melty. Then, I explained to her that they offered it to us at the price she and I had set. She was floored.

So, when we went to go sign the ownership documents the used car dealer owner asked, "So why did you fill it up?" I explained that the other gentleman had said to put gas in it if I didn't feel comfortable driving it. [I didn't want to get the guy in trouble, but Jean and both heard, "Fill it up."] He said that when someone owns a car they naturally fill it up. But, when it is not theirs, they don't. So, because I filled it up he felt like he should sell it to me. I am not sure if he felt that because I filled it up it was an omen or that "I was meant to have it," but that is why he sold it to me––because I filled it with gas. I would rather think that it was because I honored Jean.

The End of Summer

The end of summer has come. School resumes on Monday for me, and on Tuesday for the kids. I have had roughly six weeks off from school, but it has been busy.

Long before summer classes were over, we were preparing for our move into our new place. The official move date was 1 week after my classes were completed. It is a sweet place with great neighbors. Jean's mom flew in for 11 days to help us settle and to help Jean with preparing meals that were then frozen to help for the busyness of September.

We made a second trip to Denny Creek––the natural water slide. Refreshing!

The hottest week of the summer came while we were getting settled. Just one week at our new place we had the neighborhood kids over to watch "Polar Express" in our front yard. I hooked up my computer and large monitor, along with speakers to help cool us all off.

I got to mountain bike with Sam.

We scored two free tickets, and I took Alina to her first Mariners game. They treated her well. They gave her a baseball card, a certificate showing the date of her first game with Dad, and a pennant to color.

We took a family backpacking trip to Hyas Lake. It was a great trip!

Several manufactured home inspections!

And, I got to take Sam to his first NFL game. Our neighbor has season tickets to the Seahawks. After he found out Sam's favorite team is the Broncos, Jeff gave us his pre-season tickets for the Seahawks/Broncos game.

We also hosted a couple from Michigan for a week while they looked for a place to live. They moved out so that she could attend MHGS in the fall. It was cool to have them around. To have good conversation, and to encourage them in the journey into the unknown as a newlywed couple newly enveloped into the unfamiliarity of Seattle, and of Grad School. Wow. We felt like veterans.

And now . . . School begins again. But, the FUN isn't over. Jean and I will both have Fridays off together, and the kids will be in school. While the weather holds we will be taking some mountain biking trips, along with other excursions. And, on Saturdays, EdVenture Saturdays will continue.

Looking forward to a great term at school, and growing in relationship with Jean, Sam, Alina, with friends and with new neighbors.

Funny Quote

Alina quote of the Day: "I'm note funny. I'm adorable."

Vacation. Bible. School.

Jean and her beautifully brilliant staff of volunteers are leading VBS next week. Though our church doesn't, we both have been surprised at the number of churches in the area that charge for kids to come to VBS. I would say that roughly 50% of the churches that have a Vacation Bible School charge – and the fee ranges from $10 to $50 for the week.

Is this just a Pacific Northwest thing or a hard economic times thing? Either way, it feels wrong.

Though I am sure that some may argue, "Well, we're basically providing childcare," but isn't it more than that? Aren't you sharing life, the life giving power of Christ, during that week? I think the thing that gets me most is that those that may come from homes where this life is needed most, may be prohibited from coming because of the monetary cost.

Failing

Success Comes from Failing – from Eric Bryant's blog.

You Matter

I hope you matter...

from Seth Godin's blog

• When you love the work you do and the people you do it with, you matter.
• When you are so gracious and generous and aware that you think of other people before yourself, you matter.
• When you leave the world a better place than you found it, you matter.
• When you continue to raise the bar on what you do and how you do it, you matter.
• When you teach and forgive and teach more before you rush to judge and demean, you matter.
• When you touch the people in your life through your actions (and your words), you matter.
• When kids grow up wanting to be you, you matter.
• When you see the world as it is, but insist on making it more like it could be, you matter.
• When you inspire a Nobel prize winner or a slum dweller, you matter.
• When the room brightens when you walk in, you matter.
• And when the legacy you leave behind lasts for hours, days or a lifetime, you matter.

The Meaning of June 15 on Me

Four years ago today, at nearly this very minute, my dad passed away from cancer. An hour later, I stepped off the plane and turned on my cell phone and heard the news. An hour after that I arrived at the place where he lived to say goodbye to his body one last time.

And, thinking back on this makes my mind go in so many different directions.
• Cancer sucks. It has claimed my father. It has claimed both of my grandmothers. For the second year in a row I find myself praying for favorite aunt, and am thankful when the tests on her lumps come back as being benign.
• Would my life be different if my dad was still here? My life has changed so very much in the last four years. Nearly nothing is the same.
• Would my dad be different if he were still here? It was dying that caused his repentance.
• It is hard to walk through a death of a parent alone. When friends don't know how to walk through it with me so they don't at all. When I am not even sure how to walk through it myself.
• So much of my life was catapulted by who my dad was, and who he was not.
• I am glad who my dad came to be in the last 10 days of his life.
• Who my dad came to be still doesn't erase the harm he inflicted on me, or my mom, or his sisters, or his friends, or other women or illegitimate children. There is a trail of destruction.

I can only name the affects his life and his death have had on me. I can't speak that for anyone else, I can only speak it through the lens of how I view life. His life and his death created me. Created half of my physical DNA. Shaped my fears, gave me my scars. And, somehow his life and his death gave me my passion. A passion to try and love Jean, to love my kids, to love my mom, to love my friends, to love my enemies, to love myself. Things I am not sure my dad knew how to do well. But his life and his death have shaped my passions. Passions to learn how to be me.

I Am Glad I Stopped

Last Saturday Sam and I went to go get the van for the ladies after dinner. Coming out of the coffee shop was a student from MHGS. She didn't know me, but boy did I know her. We were in a class this summer together. And, whenever she spoke, anger spewed from her mouth. No matter what anyone would say, she always had an angry word for them. On the last day of class, we were to go around giving people hugs and saying "thank you" if they had impacted us. No one seemed to approach her on that day. And, she eventually left the room without anyone stopping her. Her anger was deep and it stopped people from really engaging her. I certainly wasn't going to. She was too angry.

So, Saturday evening I could have kept walking. But, as she sat down on the bench I stopped and said, "Don't you go to Mars Hill?" "Mars Hill Graduate School?" she asked. "Yes." We ended up having a very long conversation. Convesation about the class, church, life. It was good. She thanked me for stopping and talking. She had said that she feared she had burned a lot of bridges with people she would have to continue being in school with for years to come because of her attitude in class. I reached out my hand in friendship, and she accepted it.

Sometimes angry people can be so repulsive that you don't want to engage them. Sometimes they shouldn't be engaged because trying to love them in that moment would only bring more anger. But, second opportunities to show love and forgiveness are sweet.

My Mom

There are many sites on the internet with funny things moms have said. My mom is here visiting with us, and yesterday she said a funny thing.

We were sitting in the van in front of church and I texted Jean to let her know we were there. I asked my mom if she had text messaging service on her cell phone. She said that text service is available to her, but she'd have to pay for it for using it. Then she said, "The only reason I have it is in case I get locked in a [car] trunk. I figured that it would be good to have in case I needed to contact someone quietly."

I just can't imagine my mom getting abducted by the mob and thrown into a trunk because she squealed on Tony "Knuckles" Dofanzo.

We Need Jerks

We Need Jerks.

Tears

The best part of my education so far has been the requirement to see a therapist.

When I've seen counselors at other points in my life I went in with the attitude of "Let's get this resolved as soon as possible so that I can be 'fixed,' so that I can be seen as normal."

As part of my schooling all MACP students are required to be in counseling for a minimum of 40 hours. At first, my reaction to this requirement was, "Really??? Are you kidding me??? I just want to get through the program. I don't need this!!" And, especially since this was the first year that seeing a therapist became mandatory for Counseling Psychology students. 40 hours is nine months.

But, it has been good. Really good. Feeling is something that I've never done. Now, I'm starting to thaw. Tears come. Regularly. It's new to me. And, it's really a scary experience because it is such a new experience. Being forced to sit in the things I've tried to ignore or blow past. It is so hard. It is unsettling. It is unnerving. It is my reality. And, knowing that I am no where close to 40 hours allows me not to be focused on hurrying healing, but simply forced to embrace each emotion that washes me.

Blossom

Daily I'm confronted with the fact that I married up. WAY up. Today is the 14th Anniversary of that very good day. The lowest lows and the highest highs that we've experienced together have unveiled more and more of her beauty. I didn't realize that flower who said, "I do" fourteen years ago had barely opened. And, now she blooms most beautifully. And, yet, I anticipate an even greater bouquet that will unfold in her glory and radiance as we continue to grow old together.

Are You a Good Christ?

This article by Francis Chan is a must read.

Rebuilding Foundation

I've gone through seasons of being infatuated with John Eldredge's material, and seasons where I pushed it away. Last night I attended an event that I had been secretly looking forward to for weeks – the "Fathered by God" tour was in town.

I caught a ride with a guy from school and his wife. Bruce is also on the intercessor team for Ransomed Heart Ministries, so I got to go with him to the "Intercessor Gathering" prior to John's talk before 5,000 people. The intimate gathering with the intercessors was cool, and John came and talked with us for 15 minutes or so. I wasn't too star-struck. I've talked with him before. At boot camp, and at a small luncheon at Catalyst. But, during this intimate gathering I kept a low profile. Looking for holes, for reasons not to believe God or the message that John passionately believes in. But, as always, John spoke to our intimate gathering with encouragement and humility.

The reason for the "tour" is for his book, Fathered by God. It is basically a reworking of the book, The Way of the Wild Heart, not to be confused with his book Wild at Heart. And, because the two were often confused, The Way of the Wild Heart was reworked to become the Fathered by God book.

So much of my journey recently has been about a disbelief that God will really come through. Very similar to a what experienced a couple of years ago. But, last night's time answered some questions, and sparked hope.

The first stage for a man is "Boyhood," and this happens between the ages of birth and age 12. In his book, Wild at Heart, Eldredge says that every man needs to have the question, "Do I have what it takes?" answered. But, he says, the question, "Am I beloved?" really comes first. And, how it is answered shapes him.

In my notes I wrote John's words: "God shapes through danger, Without belovedness, it [the dangers] feels like failures. He [the boy] misinterprets the trials."

Not having a dad available to validate that I am loved caused the other stages of "Cowboy," "Warrior," "Lover," and "King" to be build on a weak foundation that has really eroded. Needing others to validate me because my dad didn't caused me to give others an unhealthy role in my life. Trials that I would have said at an earlier time in life were shaping me were now things that I questioned God hugely on.

Today, because of last night, I am a little more hopeful. But, I also know that there is a long journey ahead for me in building my boyhood foundation. Something that my time in therapy has also been doing. There is a lot of work ahead in learning to believe and trusting that God really does see me as beloved. Rebuilding this foundation is key to being a whole man. For God's sake, my sake, Jean's sake, and Sam and Alina's sake.