Failing

Success Comes from Failing – from Eric Bryant's blog.

You Matter

I hope you matter...

from Seth Godin's blog

• When you love the work you do and the people you do it with, you matter.
• When you are so gracious and generous and aware that you think of other people before yourself, you matter.
• When you leave the world a better place than you found it, you matter.
• When you continue to raise the bar on what you do and how you do it, you matter.
• When you teach and forgive and teach more before you rush to judge and demean, you matter.
• When you touch the people in your life through your actions (and your words), you matter.
• When kids grow up wanting to be you, you matter.
• When you see the world as it is, but insist on making it more like it could be, you matter.
• When you inspire a Nobel prize winner or a slum dweller, you matter.
• When the room brightens when you walk in, you matter.
• And when the legacy you leave behind lasts for hours, days or a lifetime, you matter.

The Meaning of June 15 on Me

Four years ago today, at nearly this very minute, my dad passed away from cancer. An hour later, I stepped off the plane and turned on my cell phone and heard the news. An hour after that I arrived at the place where he lived to say goodbye to his body one last time.

And, thinking back on this makes my mind go in so many different directions.
• Cancer sucks. It has claimed my father. It has claimed both of my grandmothers. For the second year in a row I find myself praying for favorite aunt, and am thankful when the tests on her lumps come back as being benign.
• Would my life be different if my dad was still here? My life has changed so very much in the last four years. Nearly nothing is the same.
• Would my dad be different if he were still here? It was dying that caused his repentance.
• It is hard to walk through a death of a parent alone. When friends don't know how to walk through it with me so they don't at all. When I am not even sure how to walk through it myself.
• So much of my life was catapulted by who my dad was, and who he was not.
• I am glad who my dad came to be in the last 10 days of his life.
• Who my dad came to be still doesn't erase the harm he inflicted on me, or my mom, or his sisters, or his friends, or other women or illegitimate children. There is a trail of destruction.

I can only name the affects his life and his death have had on me. I can't speak that for anyone else, I can only speak it through the lens of how I view life. His life and his death created me. Created half of my physical DNA. Shaped my fears, gave me my scars. And, somehow his life and his death gave me my passion. A passion to try and love Jean, to love my kids, to love my mom, to love my friends, to love my enemies, to love myself. Things I am not sure my dad knew how to do well. But his life and his death have shaped my passions. Passions to learn how to be me.

I Am Glad I Stopped

Last Saturday Sam and I went to go get the van for the ladies after dinner. Coming out of the coffee shop was a student from MHGS. She didn't know me, but boy did I know her. We were in a class this summer together. And, whenever she spoke, anger spewed from her mouth. No matter what anyone would say, she always had an angry word for them. On the last day of class, we were to go around giving people hugs and saying "thank you" if they had impacted us. No one seemed to approach her on that day. And, she eventually left the room without anyone stopping her. Her anger was deep and it stopped people from really engaging her. I certainly wasn't going to. She was too angry.

So, Saturday evening I could have kept walking. But, as she sat down on the bench I stopped and said, "Don't you go to Mars Hill?" "Mars Hill Graduate School?" she asked. "Yes." We ended up having a very long conversation. Convesation about the class, church, life. It was good. She thanked me for stopping and talking. She had said that she feared she had burned a lot of bridges with people she would have to continue being in school with for years to come because of her attitude in class. I reached out my hand in friendship, and she accepted it.

Sometimes angry people can be so repulsive that you don't want to engage them. Sometimes they shouldn't be engaged because trying to love them in that moment would only bring more anger. But, second opportunities to show love and forgiveness are sweet.

My Mom

There are many sites on the internet with funny things moms have said. My mom is here visiting with us, and yesterday she said a funny thing.

We were sitting in the van in front of church and I texted Jean to let her know we were there. I asked my mom if she had text messaging service on her cell phone. She said that text service is available to her, but she'd have to pay for it for using it. Then she said, "The only reason I have it is in case I get locked in a [car] trunk. I figured that it would be good to have in case I needed to contact someone quietly."

I just can't imagine my mom getting abducted by the mob and thrown into a trunk because she squealed on Tony "Knuckles" Dofanzo.