Her meal with "him" was to hold a memory of how she had always spent her Saturday mornings. Having breakfast with the man she loved––and still loves.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
And He'll Have...
This past weekend I was in Chicago with my daughter. On Saturday we had breakfast at The Original Pancake House. The line to be seated formed down a long hall. It is a popular breakfast establishment on Chicago's north side. One of the signs on the wall said, Your Entire Party Must Be Present in Order to be Seated. There was a smartly dressed older woman behind us, and she was by herself.
The hostess seated us, then she seated the woman near us. I overheard the woman give her order to the waitress and then say, "And he'll have a poached egg, toast, and oatmeal." But, there was no "he" in the chair. Only her coat and hat in the seat across from her. I think this additional order caught our waitress off guard. I know it caught me off guard. Throughout breakfast she read the Tribune. When she had finished her breakfast she had his now cold food boxed to take with her.
Her meal with "him" was to hold a memory of how she had always spent her Saturday mornings. Having breakfast with the man she loved––and still loves.
Her meal with "him" was to hold a memory of how she had always spent her Saturday mornings. Having breakfast with the man she loved––and still loves.
Sunday, January 06, 2013
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Friday, October 07, 2011
Good Life
OneRepublic is the band I'm listening to now. A band that I can't seem to get enough of right now. In my journey of what feels like hell––a place where Jesus entered between his death and resurrection––my life is both hell, and good. Graduate school was my death. Now, I wait for resurrection. I wait. And, in the waiting that often feels like hell, my life is very good right now. I enjoy taking walks in the fall colors with Jean. I enjoy the moment of making the bed with her and her face, and in the moment realizing I would not trade my life. And, before the bus comes in the morning, and again in the evening before dinner, I get to play catch with Sam and enjoy hearing what is important in his good life. It is seeing the wildness of how Alina dresses herself. And hearing her sing as she goes about. And watching her love and feeling her love––either in her hugs or when she kisses my forehead or when she is catching bugs.
A portion of OneRepublic's song says:
When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in
Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
I have a good, good life.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
The Season is Over, OR a Dream Come True, AND Rest in Peace
One night, while we were still living in Seattle, I had a dream. In my dream, it went from summer to there being a blanket of snow in October instantly. In my dream, I was heartbroken. The quickness of October's snow came without warning, and I felt robbed.
I knew this was how I would feel, fully awake, when the riding season came to an end. That I would feel robbed, and the grief of not being able to ride anymore.
Shortly after being home in Michigan again,and getting out on my bike, I knew I had a shot of getting in 500 trail miles for the season––or possibly even 500 trail miles just in Michigan. I had only ridden 28 trail miles back in Seattle during the spring, so 528 total trail miles this year wasn't much more to shoot for. I have less than 150 miles to go––something that could easily be accomplished in three weeks, and I'm hoping to be riding into December. Yesterday, though, that hope came to an end.
My bike hasn't been shifting right for over a year now. I'd fiddle with the indexing while riding, and be completely frustrated with it. When I got home I would make adjustments and think everything was fine, only to repeat the process on the next ride. I've known for a couple of years that it might be getting close to retiring this bike. I was hoping to at least get through the rest of this riding season with it. Then, perhaps next spring I would be in a place financially to replace this bike. Yesterday, the hope of it making it through this riding season perished.
Yesterday, after making more shifting adjustments between laps, I was sure I had it dialed in. I was positive I solved the problem. A sticking cable inside of the cable housing near the rear derailleur. But, soon into my ride, it wasn't shifting right. Ugh! Then, at the top of a climb the rear end of my bike felt really squirrelly. I got off, and examined my bike. One of the bolts for the rear suspension had broken, and was now missing. Not the end of the world, by any means. I figured I would just walk my bike out, and slowly retrace the steps and pedal strokes in hopes of finding the broken part. 3 miles and 3 hours of careful walking later, I didn't see it anywhere along the trail which was completely covered in fallen leaves.
Still, not the end of the world. I went to the Trek dealer in town. It is a pretty inexpensive part––$18.01 special order, and it will be here in two days, possibly the next day. SWEET! I ordered it.
I went home and decided, while I wait for the part to come, I might just see if the rear derailleur is in need of replacement. It is the original, maybe it is time. But, it still has good tension. It just feels dirty. I started disassembling it for cleaning.
To make it easier, I decided to pull the rear wheel. That is when I found this. The end of the world. The crack in the rear frame.
The crack in the frame explains the sheered pivot bolt.
It explains why I could never get the shifting right, even when it was completely dialed in on the bike stand––the rear end was torquing too much due to the broken frame. Deep sigh.
So many good rides with that bike. Rides with Sam. Rides with great friends. Amazing conversations. Incredible times alone. Shaping others. And being shaped. Rest in Peace good and trusted companion.
I knew this was how I would feel, fully awake, when the riding season came to an end. That I would feel robbed, and the grief of not being able to ride anymore.
Shortly after being home in Michigan again,and getting out on my bike, I knew I had a shot of getting in 500 trail miles for the season––or possibly even 500 trail miles just in Michigan. I had only ridden 28 trail miles back in Seattle during the spring, so 528 total trail miles this year wasn't much more to shoot for. I have less than 150 miles to go––something that could easily be accomplished in three weeks, and I'm hoping to be riding into December. Yesterday, though, that hope came to an end.
My bike hasn't been shifting right for over a year now. I'd fiddle with the indexing while riding, and be completely frustrated with it. When I got home I would make adjustments and think everything was fine, only to repeat the process on the next ride. I've known for a couple of years that it might be getting close to retiring this bike. I was hoping to at least get through the rest of this riding season with it. Then, perhaps next spring I would be in a place financially to replace this bike. Yesterday, the hope of it making it through this riding season perished.
Yesterday, after making more shifting adjustments between laps, I was sure I had it dialed in. I was positive I solved the problem. A sticking cable inside of the cable housing near the rear derailleur. But, soon into my ride, it wasn't shifting right. Ugh! Then, at the top of a climb the rear end of my bike felt really squirrelly. I got off, and examined my bike. One of the bolts for the rear suspension had broken, and was now missing. Not the end of the world, by any means. I figured I would just walk my bike out, and slowly retrace the steps and pedal strokes in hopes of finding the broken part. 3 miles and 3 hours of careful walking later, I didn't see it anywhere along the trail which was completely covered in fallen leaves.
Still, not the end of the world. I went to the Trek dealer in town. It is a pretty inexpensive part––$18.01 special order, and it will be here in two days, possibly the next day. SWEET! I ordered it.
I went home and decided, while I wait for the part to come, I might just see if the rear derailleur is in need of replacement. It is the original, maybe it is time. But, it still has good tension. It just feels dirty. I started disassembling it for cleaning.
To make it easier, I decided to pull the rear wheel. That is when I found this. The end of the world. The crack in the rear frame.The crack in the frame explains the sheered pivot bolt.
It explains why I could never get the shifting right, even when it was completely dialed in on the bike stand––the rear end was torquing too much due to the broken frame. Deep sigh.So many good rides with that bike. Rides with Sam. Rides with great friends. Amazing conversations. Incredible times alone. Shaping others. And being shaped. Rest in Peace good and trusted companion.
Monday, September 05, 2011
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Before and After
The first picture was taken just a few days after we arrived in Seattle, August 2008. Then, we were staying with our friends who graciously and hospitably opened their home to us while we looked for a home of our own. Look at us. Younger. Thinking we are courageous for taking such a journey to unknown lands. In some ways we were. Yet, unknowing of the deconstruction that would take place in our lives.
The second picture was taken the day before the moving truck came to take all of our things back to Michigan for us, July 2011. Older. Wiser. More courageous for being deconstructed and beautifully put back together again. More honest. More real. More us.
The second picture was taken the day before the moving truck came to take all of our things back to Michigan for us, July 2011. Older. Wiser. More courageous for being deconstructed and beautifully put back together again. More honest. More real. More us.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Labor Day Weekend
Happy September 1st! With September, we know fall is coming. Beautiful days and crisp nights. How will you be spending Labor Day weekend––the last official weekend of summer?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
First Night of Football Practice
Last night was the first night of practice. Sam did great. The coaches kept asking him, "Are you sure you've never played football before?" Sam went in hoping to play running back and, after one night of practice at least, he is on his way. In the sprints against other players he was fastest. In the drills through the cones, he was the fastest. He worked hard last night in practice. Just nine more practices before the season opener on Saturday Sept. 10.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Furniture Shopping
Thursday afternoon and evening, and ALL DAY Friday were spent trying to find reasonably priced furniture for our family room. We didn't want anything "nice" because it is for a family room. Watching movies, playing Wii, laughing, and being together––with food. We had a budget, and we wanted comfort. Bang for the buck, value and coziness.
Friday we left our home around 8am with Jean driving the van with all of the seats removed, and me driving the car with Sam and Alina. We hit many garage sales and estate sales before the stores opened. Then, it was consignment stores, second hand stores and first hand stores. Stores with clearance sales and tent sales. Negotiating over floor model prices. Many stores––too many. The kids did well, but when you are 10 and 7 furniture shopping at dozens and dozens of places gets pretty old.
Around 3:30pm I asked Jean to take the kids home, and that I would keep looking. I went to 17 more stores, and ended up buying a sofa, two chairs, and coffee table at the place where I had parted ways with my family. It was the third time I had been there that day, including twice with Jean, Sam, and Alina. Now, we have comfy family room furniture and have been enjoying being in there together between activities and gatherings. Ahhh.
Friday we left our home around 8am with Jean driving the van with all of the seats removed, and me driving the car with Sam and Alina. We hit many garage sales and estate sales before the stores opened. Then, it was consignment stores, second hand stores and first hand stores. Stores with clearance sales and tent sales. Negotiating over floor model prices. Many stores––too many. The kids did well, but when you are 10 and 7 furniture shopping at dozens and dozens of places gets pretty old.
Around 3:30pm I asked Jean to take the kids home, and that I would keep looking. I went to 17 more stores, and ended up buying a sofa, two chairs, and coffee table at the place where I had parted ways with my family. It was the third time I had been there that day, including twice with Jean, Sam, and Alina. Now, we have comfy family room furniture and have been enjoying being in there together between activities and gatherings. Ahhh.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Hooked on a Feeling
On our expedition home form Seattle to Michigan, the original version of the song "Hooked on a Feeling" played on the radio. This brought back amusing memories, and perhaps disturbing ones, of David Hasselhoff's music video.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Today was shopping day for football gear. Sam is pretty excited.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
3 Stories of Wet
Story 1: Last Tuesday Johnny invited me to ride. I felt too embarrassed to accept. It is amazing what three years of sitting, studying and writing does to a person. I knew I wasn't close to the shape I was in three years ago. He was kind. "No pressure," he said. "We'll just ride." It was a good invitation. Saturday I rode with my two favorite guys––Johnny and my son Sam. It was SO humid. I was so wet with sweat. It was a good, good ride. And, it made me want to continue riding.
Story 2: There was a block party Saturday afternoon in our new
neighborhood, and it went into the evening. The firefighters came in the late afternoon, plugged their hoses into the hydrants, and sprayed down from the ladder. The kids just loved it being doused with spray. Very wet.
Story 3: It has been nearly two weeks since I've done laundry. Late last week I realized that our house has an outlet for an electric dryer, but there are no electric wires to attach it to the electric panel. Normally, it is pretty simple to run wiring and install a new breaker in the electric panel. But, in this case, the breaker box is already full. There is no room to install another breaker. The person that owns the house doesn't want to update the
breaker panel since there is already service for a gas dryer in the basement. I don't want to buy a gas dryer because of cost. So, today I finally did laundry. I had completed three loads of wash by the time I finally located where the clothes pins were. I went out, and started hanging clothes to dry. I had nearly 2/3 of a basket hung, and it started raining. A good, steady rain.
Story 2: There was a block party Saturday afternoon in our new
neighborhood, and it went into the evening. The firefighters came in the late afternoon, plugged their hoses into the hydrants, and sprayed down from the ladder. The kids just loved it being doused with spray. Very wet.
Story 3: It has been nearly two weeks since I've done laundry. Late last week I realized that our house has an outlet for an electric dryer, but there are no electric wires to attach it to the electric panel. Normally, it is pretty simple to run wiring and install a new breaker in the electric panel. But, in this case, the breaker box is already full. There is no room to install another breaker. The person that owns the house doesn't want to update the
breaker panel since there is already service for a gas dryer in the basement. I don't want to buy a gas dryer because of cost. So, today I finally did laundry. I had completed three loads of wash by the time I finally located where the clothes pins were. I went out, and started hanging clothes to dry. I had nearly 2/3 of a basket hung, and it started raining. A good, steady rain.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
This Week . . . We Move
This week . . . we move.
Three years ago finishing my degree seemed nothing more than a hope, and realistically unfathomable.
The degree has been earned. And, it was earned. Sweat. Tears. Blood. And more tears. It changed me. It changed us.
And this week, we move. The sun is setting on this chapter of our life adventure.
Most everything is boxed and waiting to be loaded. The van is ready for the cross country trip back to Michigan. And we are about as emotionally ready as we can be.
Grief is real. Grief cannot be dismissed. It cannot be downplayed. Grief is a part of being human. Grief is a part of knowing you have lived and have been touched. Without grief there can be no joy, and without joy there can be no grief.
We have said goodbye to many of the important relationships that we established here. Friday night we had dinner with our dearest friends––a couple who really knew our story. Tonight, our neighborhood is throwing us a goodbye BBQ. Our neighborhood is the most loving and caring neighborhood I have ever lived in. Tomorrow I am going to my internship site to say goodbye to the men who helped transform me.
The boxes tell me we are moving. I can't imagine life without the people we will be returning to, and I can't imagine life without the people we leave behind. The boxes tell me change is waiting. My wife and my heart tell me change has already come to me.
The truck and loaders come Wednesday morning to load the boxes filled with things that prompt memories and reflections. Memories and reflections of grief and joy. When the truck leaves, we leave.
We have three travel options:
1. Seattle to Spokane; Spokane to Livingston, MT; a whole day at Yellowstone, then back to Livingston, MT; Livingston, MT to Mt Rushmore, SD; Mt Rushmore, SD to The Biggest Ball of Twine in MN (made famous by this 'Weird Al' song, which we play and sing over and over); The Biggest Ball of Twine in MN to Rockford, IL; Rockford, IL to Rockford, MI.
2. Pretty much the same as 1, but we travel to Michigan via the Upper Peninsula.
3. We skip the Biggest Ball of Twine if the moving truck will be to our new home sooner than expected.
We expect to be at our new place sometime between Monday August 1 and Wednesday August 3. Part of me will still be in Seattle, and part of me will be in Michigan.
Three years ago finishing my degree seemed nothing more than a hope, and realistically unfathomable.
The degree has been earned. And, it was earned. Sweat. Tears. Blood. And more tears. It changed me. It changed us.
And this week, we move. The sun is setting on this chapter of our life adventure.
Most everything is boxed and waiting to be loaded. The van is ready for the cross country trip back to Michigan. And we are about as emotionally ready as we can be.
Grief is real. Grief cannot be dismissed. It cannot be downplayed. Grief is a part of being human. Grief is a part of knowing you have lived and have been touched. Without grief there can be no joy, and without joy there can be no grief.
We have said goodbye to many of the important relationships that we established here. Friday night we had dinner with our dearest friends––a couple who really knew our story. Tonight, our neighborhood is throwing us a goodbye BBQ. Our neighborhood is the most loving and caring neighborhood I have ever lived in. Tomorrow I am going to my internship site to say goodbye to the men who helped transform me.
The boxes tell me we are moving. I can't imagine life without the people we will be returning to, and I can't imagine life without the people we leave behind. The boxes tell me change is waiting. My wife and my heart tell me change has already come to me.
The truck and loaders come Wednesday morning to load the boxes filled with things that prompt memories and reflections. Memories and reflections of grief and joy. When the truck leaves, we leave.
We have three travel options:
1. Seattle to Spokane; Spokane to Livingston, MT; a whole day at Yellowstone, then back to Livingston, MT; Livingston, MT to Mt Rushmore, SD; Mt Rushmore, SD to The Biggest Ball of Twine in MN (made famous by this 'Weird Al' song, which we play and sing over and over); The Biggest Ball of Twine in MN to Rockford, IL; Rockford, IL to Rockford, MI.
2. Pretty much the same as 1, but we travel to Michigan via the Upper Peninsula.
3. We skip the Biggest Ball of Twine if the moving truck will be to our new home sooner than expected.
We expect to be at our new place sometime between Monday August 1 and Wednesday August 3. Part of me will still be in Seattle, and part of me will be in Michigan.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
The Weather
Late yesterday afternoon we stepped out of the house to head to church for VBS. Alina was ahead of me and said, "Whoa! It's not raining! And, it feels kinda warm!" The sad thing is that "kinda warm" was a balmy 57ยบ.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The Hardest Goodbye
Last night was my hardest goodbye. Besides my family, this person was the most influential person in my life and for growth during my time here. We will keep in touch over Skype, but will it be the same? Such a good and beautiful person. I feel a lot of grief and a huge loss in my life.
Saturday, July 09, 2011
Graduation Celebration
Graduation was two weeks ago. It has been a busy few weeks. My mom and Jean's parents arrived on June 22. My Aunt Sue and Wally arrived June 23. Besides graduation activities, we went to Pike's Market. The day after graduation the kids, my mom, Sue and Wally, and I headed to Tillamook, OR to the cheese/ice cream/milk factory, and then to Canon Beach. It was a great, great day. 
On Tuesday the kids, my mom, Sue and Wally, and I went to the Klondike/Gold Rush Museum, Pioneer Square area, and we toured Qwest Field (where the Seahawks play). The tour was amazing. We were able to see places few people get to see. 
Sam was even able to give a post-game interview, just like coach Pete Carroll. On Wednesday Jean was able to get the day off of work, and join us for a trip to the San Juans. Her parents joined us that day, too. Sue and Wally left Thursday, and Jean's parents left last Saturday. My mom was able to stay until this past Wednesday. Thursday was spent packing for the big move.
With all of the activity, graduation hasn't really sunk in yet. This video helps it sink in. It also helps me remember my dear friend Sonny, who passed away during Spring semester. His dear wife accepted his degree on his behalf.
On Tuesday the kids, my mom, Sue and Wally, and I went to the Klondike/Gold Rush Museum, Pioneer Square area, and we toured Qwest Field (where the Seahawks play). The tour was amazing. We were able to see places few people get to see. 
Sam was even able to give a post-game interview, just like coach Pete Carroll. On Wednesday Jean was able to get the day off of work, and join us for a trip to the San Juans. Her parents joined us that day, too. Sue and Wally left Thursday, and Jean's parents left last Saturday. My mom was able to stay until this past Wednesday. Thursday was spent packing for the big move.With all of the activity, graduation hasn't really sunk in yet. This video helps it sink in. It also helps me remember my dear friend Sonny, who passed away during Spring semester. His dear wife accepted his degree on his behalf.
Graduation June 25 2011 from Ed Ballance on Vimeo.
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