People Are Always Asking Me If I Know Tyler Durden

No, But I know Kevin Baker.

So Beautiful!

Where Meriwether Walked

Walking downtwon St. Louis Sunday afternoon I couldn't help but think that this is the soil that Meriwether Lewis walked before he, William Clark, and a crew of men embarked for the greatest adventure ever.

Seeing Old Friends

John and I have been friends for a long, long time. We have hiked Canada together and the Rockies together. We spent most of our free time together. Leadership team, music, talking trips, playing volleyball, and on the list could go. He went with me to pick up Jean's engagement ring the day that I proposed to her, then on the way back he prayed for me. We were in each others' weddings. He was my best man in our wedding.

Over the weekend we were specially invited to come surprise him for his 40th birthday. It was priceless. We arrived while they were at the store. We waited for them on their front porch. He was so shocked that we came all that way just to see him. It was good to see him. To hear about the journey he is on. It was good to laugh and remember and tell new stories together. It was also good to make that John smirk return to his face, and restore the twinkle in his eye that I hadn't seen during the past few visits. It was good to see my friend, and honor him.

A Place For the Books

In my home office I had these two white bookcases along one wall. One was tall, one was short. Together, they couldn't hold all of the books I like to keep at my fingertips. The important ones. The not so important ones. The ones that I like to pull quotes from, or suggest for others to read. So I built the mother of all bookshelves. I put the last coat of stain on it just before we left for St. Louis. Monday night I began filling it. I have pulled out books that were demoted to being placed in boxes in the basement. And, there is still room for more. For now...

So, Boot Camp...

Boot camp was awesome. The setting was breathtaking. The facilities were rustically first class. The sessions were full of heart healing material. And getting to be there with Kevin was sweet. We enjoyed life together as we always do together. It was good to go even deeper in sharing our stories.

I had thought everything was healed in me. I thought I was at Boot Camp just to learn and glean, and take something back for the other men that I have the honor of caring for. God had other ideas...

Friday I met a man in who always sat in our row whose name is Les. He asked me a lot of questions. He asked about my kids. Saturday morning he came in to session and said that I had been on his heart. He said that reason for my kids' names was moving, and the little I shared about my dad was moving, that my story was similar to his. He wanted to get together and hear my entire story. We agreed to meet after lunch.

When we got together he said, "Ed. I want to be up front with you. I am on the Intercessor team. Normally we aren't supposed to approach people. People are supposed to approach us. But, God has really laid you on my heart." That was cool. I had no problem with that. I proceeded to tell him my story.

At the end, he honestly said, "Ed. I think you need to repent. I don't think you like that little boy that you were." I told him that he was probably right.

I left our time together and walked up the mountain. During my walk I asked God to reveal to me what may have happened, who may have wounded me to the point where I didn't like that little boy. All I could think of was my Grandma. She was a mean woman who seemed like she didn't know how to love. I knew that my Grandma didn't know any better. That didn't seem to be the cause.

I found a spot just up passed the horse coral. I laid in the sun and just kept praying for God to reveal scenes from my childhood as to what may have happened to cause me not to love that little boy. He brought to mind a picture of me when I was 2, dressed up as a clown for halloween. I smiled at the memory of that picture, and thought, "What a cute kid!"

I continued to ask God to reveal. He did. He brought to mind a time when I was 4. A scene from my life I remember well, but never gave much value to for its power in my overall story. I was with my dad and one of his buddies at the mall Christmas shopping. My dad said, "You better behave yourself or I am taking you to your Grandma's." I made sure I was on my best behavior. He said it again. I wondered what I was doing wrong. I thought I was being good. I kept trying as hard as I could. My dad said, "Okay. I am calling Grandma." He called her from a pay phone and then took me over there. I remember him pulling away. My Grandma said, "Really, he just wants to go Christmas shopping for you." That never sunk in. Maybe he did, or maybe he just wanted to go to the bar with his buddy. The memory that stuck with me is, "I can't do anything good enough for my dad to want to hang out with me." That thought attached itself to me and I carried it with me. Always.

God met me and healed me. Jesus assured me that I was good enough. He died for me. Satan did his best to tell me, "You're nothing special, Jesus died for everyone." True. He did. But, Jesus reminded me that I was an heir of The Father. It was a time of healing. Good Good.



So. Last week. God whispers, "Where is your voice?" Huh? It is like when He said to Adam in the Garden, "Where are you?" God knew where Adam was, and He knows where my voice is. But, He wanted me to find where my voice is. I knew what He was getting at. He wants deeper conversations with me. And, not just partial thought blips to him. Complete conversation, and out loud. He wants to hear my voice cry out to him. But, part of this journey of His question was to understand why I had no voice. After several days, He reminded me of what time was like with my dad. As a little boy, I would go for rides with my dad. After 20 minutes, the rest of our time was silent. Even as I got older, after my parents' divorce, I would ride with him up to his cottage at Houghton Lake. All of our conversation took place in the first hour of the two hour drive up there. And, that was pretty much all of the conversation that would take place for the weekend. God was telling me, unlike my dad, He wants to hear me. He desires me to cry out the deep things of my heart. It has been good to do.

But, this voice has not just been for my freedom. It has been for Jean's as well. This week I was able to unsheath my sword and pray on her behalf with my hand on her heart with passion for Satan and the spirit of inadequacy to leave Jean, and for Jesus to fill her with His love and to affirm in her that Jesus has made her beautifully.

Math, Wrist Rockets, Spit Wads, and Capture the Flag

Last night was fun. Sam and I got our wrist rockets and out and played capture the flag. Inside. Instead of using paint balls, we used spit wads. It was SO fun! I haven't seen Sam get so into something for weeks. The strategy, the ambush, the hunt. He loved it. I loved it. It was great. Jean and Alina even got in on the action. Jean kept Sam supplied with amo. Alina followed me around looking beautiful. Sometime she put Sam's red face mask on to be Spider-Man. Sam's teacher wants Sam to continue practicing counting backwards from 20. So, to start the game, Jean had Sam start counting backwards from 20. At zero, he came gunning for me. A good, good night.

Almost Governor

Howard is my friend. Howard is a great man. Unfortunately, I had to give him condolences this morning for not being elected Governor of Michigan. Let me explain...

Yesterday morning I had to leave the house early for a breakfast meeting. Yesterday was also election day. I set out Jean's voter registration card for her on her computer before I left. Later in the morning Sam found it and asked Jean what it was for. Jean explained it was so that she could vote, like for the Governor. Sam replied, "You mean like for Howard?"

Howard would be a good Governor. He is a good, good man. Maybe in 2010 my friend!

The Biggest Stuffed Animal

On Monday nights Jean has Bible Study with her ladies. For me, it is a fun night with the kids. Pillow fights, stories, games, slay the dragon, all sorts of wild fun.

Last night Sam and Alina got to stay up a little later than they normally do. Alina fell right to sleep. Sam came downstairs to tell me that his Polar Express CD was making a funny noise. He watched a couple of possessions of Monday Night Football with me. I knew he was passed tired. He didn't want to go upstairs alone. He is at a point in his age where he will usually go back to bed by himself. Sometimes it takes a small amount of coaxing. Last night he needed a bit more coaxing. I convinced him that Alina was there, and that there were plenty of lights on. He wanted to go sleep in Alina's bed, which he has never done before. I told him he needed to fall asleep in his own bed, especially because his room had a lamp on, and Alina's didn't.

When Jean got home she woke me up on the couch and told me that I needed to come see what was in Alina's bed. The big lump in her bed didn't phase me at first because she always puts lots of things in her bed to sleep with. Then I realized it was Sam. His bunny is on her head in the picture. I picked him up to carry him to bed and he was talking in his sleep the entire time.

Handing Out Pork Rinds for Halloween Treats

My friend Kevin gave me this cartoon clipping. He and I have shared some good talks over a bag of pork rinds. In his defense, after a bad sinus infection he can barely taste. Tuesday, Halloween, I hung out with him over a fire in his driveway while handing out candy and sharing some great conversation while Jean was en route from the Ferrai's and visiting Becky at her job at the hospital.

Just for Anne

Because Anne asked for it...

Costume Party

Halloween is a special day at my office. Not just because we get to dress up, but more importantly it gives everyone an excuse to bring in great food. If I didn't work here, I would easily drop 10 lbs. There is always food around, and at least once a month there is a potluck.

Today, since having a costume party is the excuse for bringing in food, I dressed up. I dressed up as Timothy Treadwell. The man who lived in the Alaskan wilderness for 13 summers with the grizzlies. I pretty much look like this picture, but without the live grizzly behind me. The real Timothy Treadwell did sleep with a teddy bear, and it accompanied him every summer to Alaska. I do have a teddy bear with me. Sam let me borrow his bear that he made at "Build-A-Bear," which also has an awesome roar.

Sam is batman, and Alina is a ballerina. They are adorable!

Saturday's Fun

Saturday was a windy day. Very windy. We had been invited to the Bakers' for their neighborhood's costume parade. The Bakers are trying to build relationships in their neighborhood.

We went. It was a blustery, but great parade. Jean and I know several families in their neighborhood. Some go to our church, some don't. It was a great time of conversation while walking around the 1 mile block. Neighbors that didn't participate in the parade stood out at the curb handing out candy and goodies. It was a good time.

After the parade we gathered in a neighbors' garage for cider and doughnut holes. Then, we went to the Bakers' and carved pumpkins and had dinner. Sam carved a robot pumpkin. Our kids love the Baker kids, and the Baker kids adore our kids. Of course, Jean and I love the Bakers. They are great friends.

We enjoyed ourselves until it was getting to be bed time for Sam and Alina. Kevin helped me load the pumpkins in our truck. Then, we buckled the kids in and headed home. I found a bag on the console of the truck. On the way home I opened it. There was a book by Stephen Ambrose titled Undaunted Courage. I am a huge, huge fan of Meriwether Lewis. After doing a lot of life together, Kevin gave me this book, with a very humbling inscrption thanking me for journeying with him and thanking me for allowing him to be a part of my journey. Good, good stuff.

This is Funny Because My Mom's Name is Ruth

Chris Updates

Thursday October 19
From Chris' friend Jeff: Please keep praying. Last night Chris had a blood clot pass through his heart and he went into cardiac arrest. They were able to get his heart started again. He was then stable throughout the night and he is going into surgery this morning. They are going to put a screen into his veins that should stop any clots from getting through. His biggest risk at present is blood clots. Anyhow, I will try to keep you updated as to the outcome of the surgery. God is good and in control.


Friday October 20 – AM
From Mark, to the office staff: Good morning everyone,
I just spoke with Correna and she said that Chris was doing better today. After the scare on Wednesday night all of his vital signs are now stable. His low blood platelet count has improved, his fever has gone down, and his heart rate is better. The burns on Chris's feet and toes continue to show signs of improvement. Correna remains in good spirits and she asked that I save the Grand Rapids Press sports pages because Chris will never believe that the Tigers actually made it to the World Series. I told her that I'd go one better and actually tape all of the games so that he can watch them for himself when he wakes up.

I've reminded Correna not to hesitate to give us a call if she needs anything. We have a wonderful group of people who know and love Chris and are eager to help out in any way possible. As always, keep Chris and his family in your thoughts and prayers.


Thursday October 20 PM
From Dan, to the office staff: Good afternoon,

I visited Correna late this morning only to find that Chris was in surgery for problems with his lungs. Correna had only found out about the need for this surgery this morning. Apparently Chris had something in his lungs that the doctors had though would break up on its own, but instead it seemed to get worse, and they needed to take action. The surgery involved running a scope through his throat into his lungs to break up and suction out the material. While I was there the surgery ended and the doctors reported that it was a complete success. Over the next few hours, they plan to take Chris off sedation so that he can continue his progress out of the coma.

Correna also received more good news this morning from the doctors. They said that Chris’s kidneys, which were not fully functioning, should recover on their own with no lasting problems.

Having spoken with our health insurance rep just this morning, I was able to give Correna the additional good news that except for a relatively small deductible, Humana would be covering all of Chris’s hospitalization costs.

You never really appreciate the value of good health insurance until something like this happens. Our policy says that after the individual deductible ($1,500, of which Datacomp pays 75%), 90% of hospitalization cost are covered. In Chris’s case, where his bills could be in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, that remaining 10% would still have been a huge financial burden for Chris’s family. Providentially, Chris himself recommended the final piece of our health plan that capped that 10% at a total of $1,000. Chris spent hours working on the details of our current plan trying to get us the best coverage we could afford. He did a terrific job!

Correna and the family are hopeful that Chris is now back on the road to recovery, and continue to appreciate our prayers on their behalf.


Tuesday October 24
From Adeana to the office staff: Hi everyone,

Betsy and I just got back from the hospital. We had a nice visit with Correna and were able to see Chris. We both were encouraged to see how well he looks. He is still on the ventilator, but he is continually taking more breaths on his own and Correna was hoping he would be off the ventilator in the next few days. He is no longer on any antibiotics and no longer has a fever. The doctors are encouraged that his lungs, heart and kidneys appear to be functioning normally. When we were there, his feet were unwrapped and looked better than we expected. New skin is growing and they continue to heal well. He has been on sedation since the middle of last week and was taken off sedation yesterday afternoon around 3pm. He should be starting to go through the process of moving around again. Correna told Chris that if he opened his eyes for her today, she would turn on the Tigers game tonight.

Please keep Chris and his family in your prayers.

Rocky Mountain High

Tomorrow I leave for WAH Boot Camp. It will be awesome. It is a time devoted to men getting their hearts back. Though I think I have my heart back, and all of the passion and adventure that makes a heart fully alive, I am sure that I will get something out of it. What I am most hoping for is a way to bring something back. Something that can be given to other guys. Guys in orienteering and guys in our church body to begin with. It has been great in our orienteering group to see leaders emerge. To see passions awaken. To see a hunger for God. To see their shackles broken and to see them realize their redemption.

– Sing with Me! –
He was born in the summer of his 27th year
Comin home to a place hed never been before
He left yesterday behind him, you might say he was born again
You might say he found a key for every door

When he first came to the mountains his life was far away
On the road and hangin by a song
But the strings already broken and he doesnt really care
It keeps changin fast and it dont last for long

But the colorado rocky mountain high
Ive seen it rainin fire in the sky
The shadow from the starlight is softer than a lullabye
Rocky mountain high (high colorado) rocky mountain high (high colorado)

He climbed cathedral mountains, he saw silver clouds below
He saw everything as far as you can see
And they say he got crazy once, and he tried to touch the sun
And he lost a friend but kept his memory

Now he walks in quiet solitude the forests and the streams
Seeking grace in every step he takes
His sight has turned inside himself to try and understand
The serenity of a clear blue mountain lake

And the colorado rocky mountain high
Ive seen it rainin fire in the sky
You can talk to God and listen to the casual reply
Rocky mountain high (high colorado) rocky mountain high (high colorado)

Now his life is full of wonder but his heart still knows some fear
Of a simple thing he cannot comprehend
Why they try to tear the mountains down to bring in a couple more
More people, more scars upon the land

And the colorado rocky mountain high
Ive seen it rainin fire in the sky
I know hed be a poorer man if he never saw an eagle fly
Rocky mountain high

Its a colorado rocky mountain high
Ive seen it rainin fire in the sky
Friends around the campfire and everybodys high
Rocky mountain high (high colorado) rocky mountain high (high colorado)
Rocky mountain high (high colorado) rocky mountain high do de do

words by john denver, music by john denver and mike taylor

Chris Update

Good morning everyone,

Chris had a lot of visitors this past weekend and the doctors declared Monday a no visitor day. He was very restless all of Sunday night and they wanted him to get some rest. Chris was moved down to the 4th floor to what is called Progressive Care. Correna likes this floor better because the nurse to patient ratio is much better and Chris is getting a lot more personal attention. Chris had a minor set-back earlier with a blood clot forming in his leg and moving to his chest. The doctors put him on a blood thinner and they're waiting to see if this will solve the problem. This morning Chris is spiking a slight fever and Correna is doing her best to keep him cool and help break the fever. Before the fever hit this morning Correna said that Chris has had his eyes open quite a bit lately and he is reacting more to pain, especially when they change the dressing on his feet and suction out his breathing tube. This is good news.

Please continue to keep Correna and Chris and his whole family in your thoughts and prayers.

Note to Self

(be warned, this is a bit gross)

Note to Self – Remember to eat dinner prior to orienteering start time on Tuesdays...

I usually have dinner when I get home from orienteering. I usually get home about 10:30 after enjoying some good conversation, which comes after a good small group, which comes after a good worship time, which comes after interacting with guys as they navigate the woods for 90 minutes, which comes after 2 1/2 hours of placing control points in the woods.

Last night I rolled in about 11. The conversations and connections are getting deeper and deeper which is incredibly cool. I figured it was a bit late for dinner to settle well. I thought I could get through the night on the half glass of cream soda, elf fudge cookies, and handful after handful of "Blazin' Buffalo" flavored Doritos, "Pepper Jack" flavored Doritos, and "Nacho Cheese" flavored Doritos. This morning I woke up with a sour stomach, and I lost a few of the Doritos. Oh, believe me, I am still going to eat Doritos. I am just going to make sure there are no rumblies in my tumblies before turning in.

Monday PM Chris Update

Chris's color is improving and he has started moving his feet, which is good news. He continues to react to the voices and touches of Correna and the kids with eye flutters and small muscle movements. Tomorrow the doctors are planning on inserting a trach tube so that they can remove the air tube from his mouth. Their goal is to try and hear if Chris is making any sounds. Chris has been breathing on his own for small periods of time and if that continues to improve then the doctors can just "cap" the trach opening. Correna continues to be in good spirits and is thankful for all of our thoughts and prayers.

Board Games

Trivial Pursuit, as well as Scruples, Balderdash, Pictionary, and Yatzee, were invented in Canada. Does cold weather breed multimillion selling board games? Looks like it, eh?