The Misadventures of a Cartographer

Why I Don't Mountain Bike in Africa

2011-10-11T16:00:00.000-07:00

Ouch!

Good Life

2011-10-07T06:50:00.000-07:00

OneRepublic is the band I'm listening to now. A band that I can't seem to get enough of right now. In my journey of what feels like hell––a place where Jesus entered between his death and resurrection––my life is both hell, and good. Graduate school was my death. Now, I wait for resurrection. I wait. And, in the waiting that often feels like hell, my life is very good right now. I enjoy taking walks in the fall colors with Jean. I enjoy the moment of making the bed with her and her face, and in the moment realizing I would not trade my life. And, before the bus comes in the morning, and again in the evening before dinner, I get to play catch with Sam and enjoy hearing what is important in his good life. It is seeing the wildness of how Alina dresses herself. And hearing her sing as she goes about. And watching her love and feeling her love––either in her hugs or when she kisses my forehead or when she is catching bugs.

A portion of OneRepublic's song says:
When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

I have a good, good life.

The Season is Over, OR a Dream Come True, AND Rest in Peace

2011-10-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

One night, while we were still living in Seattle, I had a dream. In my dream, it went from summer to there being a blanket of snow in October instantly. In my dream, I was heartbroken. The quickness of October's snow came without warning, and I felt robbed.

I knew this was how I would feel, fully awake, when the riding season came to an end. That I would feel robbed, and the grief of not being able to ride anymore.

Shortly after being home in Michigan again,and getting out on my bike, I knew I had a shot of getting in 500 trail miles for the season––or possibly even 500 trail miles just in Michigan. I had only ridden 28 trail miles back in Seattle during the spring, so 528 total trail miles this year wasn't much more to shoot for. I have less than 150 miles to go––something that could easily be accomplished in three weeks, and I'm hoping to be riding into December. Yesterday, though, that hope came to an end.

My bike hasn't been shifting right for over a year now. I'd fiddle with the indexing while riding, and be completely frustrated with it. When I got home I would make adjustments and think everything was fine, only to repeat the process on the next ride. I've known for a couple of years that it might be getting close to retiring this bike. I was hoping to at least get through the rest of this riding season with it. Then, perhaps next spring I would be in a place financially to replace this bike. Yesterday, the hope of it making it through this riding season perished.

Yesterday, after making more shifting adjustments between laps, I was sure I had it dialed in. I was positive I solved the problem. A sticking cable inside of the cable housing near the rear derailleur. But, soon into my ride, it wasn't shifting right. Ugh! Then, at the top of a climb the rear end of my bike felt really squirrelly. I got off, and examined my bike. One of the bolts for the rear suspension had broken, and was now missing. Not the end of the world, by any means. I figured I would just walk my bike out, and slowly retrace the steps and pedal strokes in hopes of finding the broken part. 3 miles and 3 hours of careful walking later, I didn't see it anywhere along the trail which was completely covered in fallen leaves.

Still, not the end of the world. I went to the Trek dealer in town. It is a pretty inexpensive part––$18.01 special order, and it will be here in two days, possibly the next day. SWEET! I ordered it.

I went home and decided, while I wait for the part to come, I might just see if the rear derailleur is in need of replacement. It is the original, maybe it is time. But, it still has good tension. It just feels dirty. I started disassembling it for cleaning. To make it easier, I decided to pull the rear wheel. That is when I found this. The end of the world. The crack in the rear frame.

The crack in the frame explains the sheered pivot bolt. It explains why I could never get the shifting right, even when it was completely dialed in on the bike stand––the rear end was torquing too much due to the broken frame. Deep sigh.

So many good rides with that bike. Rides with Sam. Rides with great friends. Amazing conversations. Incredible times alone. Shaping others. And being shaped. Rest in Peace good and trusted companion.

Happy Labor Day

2011-09-05T03:25:00.000-07:00

Before and After

2011-09-03T05:58:00.001-07:00

The first picture was taken just a few days after we arrived in Seattle, August 2008. Then, we were staying with our friends who graciously and hospitably opened their home to us while we looked for a home of our own. Look at us. Younger. Thinking we are courageous for taking such a journey to unknown lands. In some ways we were. Yet, unknowing of the deconstruction that would take place in our lives.

The second picture was taken the day before the moving truck came to take all of our things back to Michigan for us, July 2011. Older. Wiser. More courageous for being deconstructed and beautifully put back together again. More honest. More real. More us.

Labor Day Weekend

2011-09-01T05:51:00.000-07:00

Happy September 1st! With September, we know fall is coming. Beautiful days and crisp nights. How will you be spending Labor Day weekend––the last official weekend of summer?

First Night of Football Practice

2011-08-23T03:35:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first night of practice. Sam did great. The coaches kept asking him, "Are you sure you've never played football before?" Sam went in hoping to play running back and, after one night of practice at least, he is on his way. In the sprints against other players he was fastest. In the drills through the cones, he was the fastest. He worked hard last night in practice. Just nine more practices before the season opener on Saturday Sept. 10.

Furniture Shopping

2011-08-16T04:18:00.000-07:00

Thursday afternoon and evening, and ALL DAY Friday were spent trying to find reasonably priced furniture for our family room. We didn't want anything "nice" because it is for a family room. Watching movies, playing Wii, laughing, and being together––with food. We had a budget, and we wanted comfort. Bang for the buck, value and coziness.

Friday we left our home around 8am with Jean driving the van with all of the seats removed, and me driving the car with Sam and Alina. We hit many garage sales and estate sales before the stores opened. Then, it was consignment stores, second hand stores and first hand stores. Stores with clearance sales and tent sales. Negotiating over floor model prices. Many stores––too many. The kids did well, but when you are 10 and 7 furniture shopping at dozens and dozens of places gets pretty old.

Around 3:30pm I asked Jean to take the kids home, and that I would keep looking. I went to 17 more stores, and ended up buying a sofa, two chairs, and coffee table at the place where I had parted ways with my family. It was the third time I had been there that day, including twice with Jean, Sam, and Alina. Now, we have comfy family room furniture and have been enjoying being in there together between activities and gatherings. Ahhh.

Hooked on a Feeling

2011-08-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

On our expedition home form Seattle to Michigan, the original version of the song "Hooked on a Feeling" played on the radio. This brought back amusing memories, and perhaps disturbing ones, of David Hasselhoff's music video.

Rock Paper Scissors

2011-08-12T04:06:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Margaret Feinberg's blog this morning. Very Funny.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2011-08-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

Today was shopping day for football gear. Sam is pretty excited.

3 Stories of Wet

2011-08-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

Story 1: Last Tuesday Johnny invited me to ride. I felt too embarrassed to accept. It is amazing what three years of sitting, studying and writing does to a person. I knew I wasn't close to the shape I was in three years ago. He was kind. "No pressure," he said. "We'll just ride." It was a good invitation. Saturday I rode with my two favorite guys––Johnny and my son Sam. It was SO humid. I was so wet with sweat. It was a good, good ride. And, it made me want to continue riding.

Story 2: There was a block party Saturday afternoon in our new neighborhood, and it went into the evening. The firefighters came in the late afternoon, plugged their hoses into the hydrants, and sprayed down from the ladder. The kids just loved it being doused with spray. Very wet.

Story 3: It has been nearly two weeks since I've done laundry. Late last week I realized that our house has an outlet for an electric dryer, but there are no electric wires to attach it to the electric panel. Normally, it is pretty simple to run wiring and install a new breaker in the electric panel. But, in this case, the breaker box is already full. There is no room to install another breaker. The person that owns the house doesn't want to update the breaker panel since there is already service for a gas dryer in the basement. I don't want to buy a gas dryer because of cost. So, today I finally did laundry. I had completed three loads of wash by the time I finally located where the clothes pins were. I went out, and started hanging clothes to dry. I had nearly 2/3 of a basket hung, and it started raining. A good, steady rain.

This Week . . . We Move

2011-07-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

This week . . . we move.

Three years ago finishing my degree seemed nothing more than a hope, and realistically unfathomable.

The degree has been earned. And, it was earned. Sweat. Tears. Blood. And more tears. It changed me. It changed us.

And this week, we move. The sun is setting on this chapter of our life adventure.

Most everything is boxed and waiting to be loaded. The van is ready for the cross country trip back to Michigan. And we are about as emotionally ready as we can be.

Grief is real. Grief cannot be dismissed. It cannot be downplayed. Grief is a part of being human. Grief is a part of knowing you have lived and have been touched. Without grief there can be no joy, and without joy there can be no grief.

We have said goodbye to many of the important relationships that we established here. Friday night we had dinner with our dearest friends––a couple who really knew our story. Tonight, our neighborhood is throwing us a goodbye BBQ. Our neighborhood is the most loving and caring neighborhood I have ever lived in. Tomorrow I am going to my internship site to say goodbye to the men who helped transform me.

The boxes tell me we are moving. I can't imagine life without the people we will be returning to, and I can't imagine life without the people we leave behind. The boxes tell me change is waiting. My wife and my heart tell me change has already come to me.

The truck and loaders come Wednesday morning to load the boxes filled with things that prompt memories and reflections. Memories and reflections of grief and joy. When the truck leaves, we leave.

We have three travel options:
1. Seattle to Spokane; Spokane to Livingston, MT; a whole day at Yellowstone, then back to Livingston, MT; Livingston, MT to Mt Rushmore, SD; Mt Rushmore, SD to The Biggest Ball of Twine in MN (made famous by this 'Weird Al' song, which we play and sing over and over); The Biggest Ball of Twine in MN to Rockford, IL; Rockford, IL to Rockford, MI.

2. Pretty much the same as 1, but we travel to Michigan via the Upper Peninsula.

3. We skip the Biggest Ball of Twine if the moving truck will be to our new home sooner than expected.

We expect to be at our new place sometime between Monday August 1 and Wednesday August 3. Part of me will still be in Seattle, and part of me will be in Michigan.

Thank You, Study Buddy

2011-07-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Moose, for being my Study Buddy over the last 18 months of school.

The Weather

2011-07-15T09:27:00.001-07:00

Late yesterday afternoon we stepped out of the house to head to church for VBS. Alina was ahead of me and said, "Whoa! It's not raining! And, it feels kinda warm!" The sad thing is that "kinda warm" was a balmy 57º.

Toyota Commercial

2011-07-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

This commercial always makes me giggle.

The Hardest Goodbye

2011-07-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

Last night was my hardest goodbye. Besides my family, this person was the most influential person in my life and for growth during my time here. We will keep in touch over Skype, but will it be the same? Such a good and beautiful person. I feel a lot of grief and a huge loss in my life.

Graduation Celebration

2011-07-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

Graduation was two weeks ago. It has been a busy few weeks. My mom and Jean's parents arrived on June 22. My Aunt Sue and Wally arrived June 23. Besides graduation activities, we went to Pike's Market. The day after graduation the kids, my mom, Sue and Wally, and I headed to Tillamook, OR to the cheese/ice cream/milk factory, and then to Canon Beach. It was a great, great day. On Tuesday the kids, my mom, Sue and Wally, and I went to the Klondike/Gold Rush Museum, Pioneer Square area, and we toured Qwest Field (where the Seahawks play). The tour was amazing. We were able to see places few people get to see. Sam was even able to give a post-game interview, just like coach Pete Carroll. On Wednesday Jean was able to get the day off of work, and join us for a trip to the San Juans. Her parents joined us that day, too. Sue and Wally left Thursday, and Jean's parents left last Saturday. My mom was able to stay until this past Wednesday. Thursday was spent packing for the big move.

With all of the activity, graduation hasn't really sunk in yet. This video helps it sink in. It also helps me remember my dear friend Sonny, who passed away during Spring semester. His dear wife accepted his degree on his behalf.

Graduation June 25 2011 from Ed Ballance on Vimeo.

Nearing the Finish Line

2011-06-17T14:43:00.000-07:00

The last week or so has been extremely crazy. Last Thursday evening I took a red eye flight to Michigan after class. I had one mission: Find a House. And, any extra time I had would be spent on papers––especially my 14 page Old Testament paper.

I landed in Grand Rapids at 8:40am, picked up the rental car, and was on my to see the only house on the itinerary. I intended video the walk through so that Jean could see the house, too. But, when I arrived at the house I found that the video camera's battery was dead. Thank heaven for cell phones!

I liked the house, yet the decision felt very heavy for me. Jean loved the home and the size of the kitchen from what she tell from the video I sent. It just felt like a heavy decision to make without her being present. There weren't any other homes that we liked. But, the decision still weighed on my heart. I set an appointment to see the home one more time on Saturday, and if I liked it still, I would sign the lease.

Saturday morning I woke up and wrote in my journal. The writing was cleansing and helped me gain perspective about the house––good perspective. When I went to the home I loved it even more. And, with a charged battery, was able to shoot quality video to bring home to Jean and the kids. I signed the lease, and we will take possession of our new home in Rockford, MI August 1. I wonder why we have this home. The home was practically leased when I called about it, but while I was on the phone with the home's owner he got an email from the person who was going to lease it saying that he would need to back out. And, it wasn't just a fact of the home now being available so we were now the next best available. In the course of communications following the call I found out that we had mutual friends. God is good to us, and I can't wait to see what will come from us being located there.

While in Grand Rapids I was able to get a good start on my Old Testament paper, read a book for a class, surprise my brother-in-law into speechlessness when I saw him at church, see my favorite Sherpa and his family, and celebrate Kevin's daughter's graduation from high school.

I woke up Monday morning and flew out of GR at 6am. I slept a lot on the plane––and I actually woke myself up several times with my snoring! I also got some reading in. When I got home I showed the video to Jean, wrote a paper, went to counseling, then headed to class. Towards the end of class I realized why I was having such a hard time staying awake––I had actually been awake since 1:20am Seattle time!

Tuesday was my last Old Testament class. Each class has been 6 hours long, but it has been such a rich class. At the end of class the first of a few more last classes where the graduates are prayed for. The students all come and lay hands on the graduates. The professor had his hands on me, and after the prayer he let me know the word God had given him to tell me. It was a powerful word. A word that I will need to have the courage to keep stepping into, but so good.

Wednesday was graduation rehearsal. Sitting there I began to realize the weight and gravity of what I have done the last three years. Such good, difficult growth and classes. Such good, difficult becoming.

With the end of class last night, I officially have one week of classes left. I submitted my Old Testament paper today. With that, I have two papers and one group project left. My mom arrives Wednesday for two weeks, my favorite Aunt Sue arrives Thursday for a week (so, so glad she is coming and that we will have time to spend together), and Jean's parents arrive on Thursday as well. On Friday is a breakfast for the graduates, followed by an open house for our families. Saturday is graduation, and a feast at our house. After the family leaves, we will turn our attention again towards packing and returning home. The end of July will come quickly––perhaps too quickly, maybe not quickly enough.

THURSDAY CLASS

One Month Until Graduation

2011-05-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

One month from today––31 days––I graduate. Only 12 papers and 1 group project to go!

Dad Pudding Face

2011-05-07T08:59:00.001-07:00

Photoshop in Real Life

2011-04-17T07:29:00.000-07:00

I saw this video on Tyler Stanton's blog. H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S.

Stanley Steamer

2011-04-15T16:01:00.000-07:00

This commercial always makes me giggle.

A Better Day

2011-04-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

Today I am feeling much better. Last night I was afraid to fall asleep because I didn't want to have yet another night of misery, mumblings, and weird dreams. I woke up this morning literally soaked with sweat (I don't think this had anything to do with the fact that I dreamed I was Michigan State's basketball couch, and that we had won the national championship the previous year and were knocked out in the final four this year––more of a weird dream than an athletic dream). I was sure that I would still have a fever. I pulled the thermometer from my dresser and my temperature was 97.1º. This is my normal. Yessssss! Though I am harvesting green treasures from the depths of my lungs, I am thankful for that. For the previous two days it felt like my brain was actually rattling in my skull every time I barely coughed. Thanks for your prayers and well wishes!

The Fever Lingers

2011-04-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

It was another night of crazy dreams and mumbling to myself. This morning my temperature was 102.3º. I can't wait to feel better.

First Soccer Game

2011-04-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

Last night Alina had her first soccer game. It was a lot of fun to cheer her and her friends on. Alina's sweetness shows, even when she is playing soccer. At the end of the first quarter she came over and I said to her, "You like to pass the ball to your friends don't you?" She answered, "Well. I had to pass it to Holland. She hadn't had the ball very much."

But, first grade girls are also very competitive. Riley told Alina, "When we get back on the field, they will pay!"

103º

2011-04-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

Today I just didn't feel good. After returning home from taking the kids to school, I left my coat and scarf on. At 10:30 I fell asleep for three hours. Jean was kind enough to go get the kids from school. When she came home she took my temperature. 103º. I feel horrible.

Soccer

2011-04-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

Our house is now officially in full soccer mode as Alina had her first practice yesterday. This picture was taken before practice. She is pretty excited that her jersey number is #1! Alina's coach is actually coaching two teams, but because the girls all know each other either from church or school the two teams practice together. She had a fun time.

Unfortunately, though, after practice one of her teammates did a cherry drop from the monkey bars––with her cleats still on. The cleats caught Alina in the face. She has a red mark from her right eyebrow to her left cheek, a bruise on her eyelid, and several cleat marks across her face. She also got a bloody nose. But, Alina––being the kind person that she is––said that it wasn't her friends fault, it was the mean cleat's fault. She said that she was going to reassure her friend again today at school that it wasn't her friend's fault. So sweet.

Duthie Hill

2011-04-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

My friend Jason from school as well as my friend Scott from my internship site have been telling me that I need to try mountain biking at Duthie Hill. Sometimes, especially when it comes to mountain biking, I like familiarity. But, yesterday Sam and I went. I loved it, and I will definitely be back––once my sit-bones feel better. It was only the second ride of the year and Sam and I rode just over 13 miles.

This is a picture of Sam getting air.

The Tenderness of Sam

2011-04-07T08:12:00.001-07:00

Behind this rough and tumble exterior resides a very tender heart. Yesterday on our way home from school Sam said, "Dad. Today I asked Mrs. Teeter to pray for a job for you. At first I was embarrassed because I thought my friends would laugh at me. I waited for five minutes, then I decided I didn't care." He is so sweet.

It Was Good

2011-04-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

Wednesday I was able to attend Town Hall––the monthly graduation and celebration for the men at my internship site. Even though it had only been a couple of weeks since I saw them last, it felt like it had been months. It was good to see each man. It was good to see their smiles. It was good to be in their brotherly embrace. It was good to catch up with them and to hear the amazing things God is doing in their lives.

I had gone there to fulfill a promise. I had promised that I would see them at Town Hall. I had gone to encourage them to stay strong in their journey. But, in actuality, they encouraged me. Deep down I had entered with much personal discouragement. Seeing them and talking with them restored my hope that God is good, and He is faithful. It was them who encouraged me to stay strong in my journey.

Bumper Sticker

2011-03-30T09:40:00.001-07:00

I saw a great bumper sticker yesterday as I was driving to class which read, "When Jesus said love your enemies I think he probably meant don't kill them."

This Week

2011-03-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

I am looking forward to this week. It seems to hold a lot of goodness.

Monday a class ends, and Tuesday I turn in the last major paper of the semester for another class. Wednesday I look forward to going to the Town Hall celebration for the men at my internship and reconnecting with all of the great guys there.

If that wasn't enough, the kids are on spring break––so hopefully there will be some EdVentures in store. It would be great to go mountain biking and play basketball/Legos/Wii/wrestling/etc. with Sam. And, I'm sure there will be crafts, imaginative play, and walks with Alina.

Happy Birthday Sam

2011-03-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

"She named him Samuel, saying, 'Because I asked the LORD for him'" (I Samuel 1:20).

Ten years ago today Sam came into the world. Long before we even thought about having kids, I prayed for a son. I wanted to be the kind of dad that I didn't have. When Jean became pregnant we decided not to find out if we were having a girl or a boy. After 20 hours of labor for Jean, she delivered our son. When I saw that it was a boy, I cried because God had answered my prayer. We named our son Samuel because we had asked the LORD for him.

And I am only now beginning to learn what asking the LORD for him really means. Even though we are shaping Sam, Sam is also shaping us. He has helped me become a gentler, kinder, and more patient man. I am thankful that God gave me the very son our family needed. Lots of energy, lots of hunger, a love for play a big smile, and a sensitive spirit. Happy Birthday Buddy!

Why

2011-03-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

Why do I forget that eating almonds give me the hiccups?

Ready to Ride

2011-03-23T15:47:00.000-07:00

Today it is 61º. I tuned my bike and put on a new chain. The rest of the drive train looked good. Tomorrow––if the heavy rain holds off––I ride.

Lasts

2011-03-23T07:58:00.001-07:00

Today is a day of more "lasts." Today is the last time I register for classes at MHGS. Today I register for Old Testament, Group Therapy, and Vocational & Occupational Therapy. The last three classes I need to graduate.

I've already experienced many "lasts." Last day of internship. Last day of Celtic Spirituality. Last time seeing a friend. This coming Monday will be the last day of Case Conference. The Lasts bring excitement of what may be next, and grief of ending.

Grief

2011-03-03T16:52:00.000-08:00

One of my dear friends has passed away. His massive heart attack Sunday is still unbelievable, and that he has now passed away gives me deep sadness. We have sat in every class together, and he has become a trusted friend. I will miss him.

Developing Faith

2011-03-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

Most of us are not the recipients of sudden blinding flashes or spiritual light which change our lives for ever and signal that no further effort is required on our part. We are often very reluctant to accept that faith is something that develops and grows gradually and which involves taking risks and being prepared to follow detours and false trails as we seek out the right way.

––Ian Bradley, The Celtic Way

Big Smile

2011-02-26T16:44:00.001-08:00

Today after his basketball game, Sam got to get his braces off. Sam's orthodontist rewarded him with a caramel apple covered with M&Ms.

Four Months from Today

2011-02-25T10:09:00.000-08:00

Four months from today! YESSSSSSSSSSSS!

Sam Basketball 02-05-2011

2011-02-21T07:49:00.000-08:00

There haven't been any basketball games for a couple of weeks. Two weeks ago the entire league was off. This past weekend Sam spent the weekend at a friend's. This game is from February 5th. It is an important game for Sam because it was their first win! They went into overtime the first time they met this team, and the game ended in a tie. This time they won by two. It almost went into overtime again. Pretty exciting!

In this game Sam is wearing #11. He had 12 points. At one point in the game Sam double dribbled. He caught himself, and waited for the whistle. There was no whistle, so he took the shot and it went in. I think the refs realized it and let a similar play happen at the other end for the opposing team.

Sam Basketball 02-05-2011 from Ed Ballance on Vimeo.

Date Day with Alina

2011-02-20T15:12:00.000-08:00

For several weeks Sam had been planning to spend this weekend with a friend. Jean would be at church for a CPR training. As soon as Alina knew she would have me to her self, she began planning our date day. We went for donuts, then we headed to the Build-A-Bear Workshop. Alina adopted a Bunny, and named her Alison. She picked out dresses for Alison, as well as for her bear Kate. She also picked out a bed and blankets for them. After that, she had a balloon flower hat made, then off to the shoe store where she picked out new shoes as well as some awesome pink boots. We had lunch at Red Robin––and each of us had bottomless root beer floats. Following lunch, we went to see Gnomeo & Juliet. We went and saw the kitties who were waiting for adoption, then it was home to play together. It was a fun day.

Sam Basketball 01-29-2011

2011-02-18T06:15:00.000-08:00

This game took place the last weekend in January. Sam had 18 points, but he was so incredibly disappointed because his team still lost by two. He didn't care that he had 18 points, he wanted his team to finally win a game. Sam is #3 in the yellow jersey . . .

Sam Basketball 01-29-2011 from Ed Ballance on Vimeo.

Now I'm a Counselor

2011-01-30T10:50:00.001-08:00

This summer I took a fly fishing class, and on Friday I purchased my first fly fishing rod and reel. All of the counselors I admire fly fish. Allender. Jackson. Eldredge. Call. Does fly fishing make me a counselor? Probably not. But, perhaps it doesn't hurt.

A New Journey

2011-01-28T08:14:00.000-08:00

One of the classes I am taking this term is Celtic Spirituality. The class has been a very good for me. I have been longing for an inner stillness, and I am finding it. The class readings, as well as the teaching, have reaffirmed how God refreshes me through being in nature and needing personal retreats––these are things that others had once shamed me for doing. Being in nature and personal retreats are how our professor, as well as the Celtic Christians, refreshed themselves, too. Besides that, I am loving the history of how the Celtic Christians lived among the pre-Christians in a loving and caring way, instead of the Roman way of conquering and changing the other.

The first day of class our professor had signs with names of different Celtic saints on the tables. Not knowing what it meant, I sat at "St. Brendan's" table. It was a good choice. As it turns out, St. Brendan was also called, "the Navigator," "the Voyager,", or "the Bold."

I have felt that God has been calling me to a new journey post-graduation. I have again used Visioneering by Andy Stanley––one of my all-time favorite books, about the Vision God gave Nehemiah to return to Jerusalem and rebuild the wall––for this vision. And today I was to have a meeting with someone about the vision. Last night before falling asleep I read this prayer from St. Brendan:

I thank You for this, my God,
I am a traveller and stranger
in the world,
like so many of Your people
before me.

There is a sense of adventure,
of openness to possibilities,
abandonment to God
and expectation
of fulfilling His will.

I accept the responsibility,
I'll hear and obey,
and trust it is Your voice I hear,
the call of the Spirit,
the cry of the Bird of Heaven.

It is a Yes to risky living . . .

The sea takes me;
where I do not know,
but I gladly go.

And I can only trust
every word You say,
and obey.

Today's meeting was very good. I look forward to what the rest of this adventure could look like.

The Most Touching Thing So Far

2011-01-27T15:19:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday. Tonight I will celebrate with my beautiful wife Jean, and adorable kids Sam and Alina. I have received greetings and gifts from friends and relatives. It has been a very good day. I think the most touching thing so far has been the 108 men in the shelter where I do my internship sing happy birthday to me. I was encircled by 108 smiling men singing to me. Smiling men in a shelter, singing to me. I know each of their tumultuous stories, and they are smiling at me with big smiles as they sing. I was moved.

Game Three

2011-01-26T18:52:00.000-08:00

I had to miss Sam's second game because of a mandatory (S)Ending event for graduation. Thankfully Jean shot video of the game because it was a thriller. After playing overtime, the game ended with a 30-30 tie.

I was glad to be back in the stands for game three. I am such a loud parent, though. I am THE loudest parent, and louder than the coaches. I cheer for all of the kids, not just Sam. One boy on the team is very tall, but seems to wander around aimlessly. I encourage him to get his arms up, to rebound, to shoot, and tell him "good job." At half time I asked Jean if I was too loud. She said yes, and that Casey's mom, the mother of the tall boy who wanders aimlessly, was looking at my when I was yelling/cheering. I said that I didn't care because he didn't have a dad there cheering for him, and that his mom was reading a book while he was playing.

Anyway, Sam had another great, great game. At one point in the game, a parent yelled out, "Who has 5? You don't want to leave him unmarked!" As the game went on, more parents were asking who had number 5.

In the video, Sam is #5 in the white jersey . . .

Sam Basketball 01-22-2011 from Ed Ballance on Vimeo.

What a Difference a Year Makes

2011-01-09T19:24:00.000-08:00

Saturday was Sam's first game of basketball. I knew he had made some improvement since last year, but I was surprised to see just how much he had improved. When he was out on the court playing the game he was by far the quickest one on the court. He made his team's first 8 points, and finished with 10 of the team's 18. By the end, we could tell he lost some of his energy as his shots weren't quite making it to the hoop. Besides running much more than the other players, most of the game he was asked to guard #11 on the opposing team––a boy at least a foot taller. He was one tired boy by the end of the game, and the fall he took on his knee slowed him down, too. I think Sam will be playing a lot of sports through his school years. I am obviously biased, but he's pretty darn good! In this game, he's #4 in the white jersey.

Sam Basketball 01-08-2011 Blog from Ed Ballance on Vimeo.

Christmas Ornament

2011-01-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

New Year's Day is typically the day we dismantle the Christmas tree and put all of the decorations away. An idea for a Christmas ornament has been rattling around in my head for a few weeks, and I wanted to make it before we took the tree down. So, I did. It's constructed from a gear out of an old rear cogset and a few extra links from a chain. Beautiful. I love mountain biking . . .

Funniest Words of New Year's Eve

2011-01-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

Last night we were with some friends for the beginning of New Year's Eve. Our host was walking around with a box of chocolates and held it out for Sam to choose one. Sam made his choice, took a bite, and without missing a beat, said, "Sometimes life is full of disappointments."

The Biggest Sigh of Relief for 2010

2010-12-31T08:48:00.000-08:00

Grades were posted yesterday. I had a lot of anxiety about one class in particular. I received a very poor grade on my first paper for the class back in October. To not have to retake the class––which would postpone my program completion date––I needed at least a B- in the class for the semester. Anything lower than a B- would mean that the grade would not count. I would need at least a B-. With the grade I received on the first paper, I had very little wiggle room for further error.

How would I explain to family members and friends who were planning on coming out in June for graduation that I wouldn't be graduating this year. Worse, how would I console myself? It has been a long, hard, arduous three years for me. And it has for my family.

I put my nose to the grindstone. I worked diligently on my final paper. I started it four weeks before it was due. I pestered our first year TA, peppering him with questions. I typed draft after draft. Finally, the due date came. I turned it in. When I released it from my hands I realized there was no turning back. It had turned in. I wondered if I had prayed enough over it. It was no longer in my hands. I could no longer make any last revisions. It, and my fate, was in the hands of someone else.

Grades were posted yesterday. And, my grade was better than a B- for the class. The little wiggle room that I had wasn't needed. The hard work wasn't wasted and the beauty of God's grace was good. I sat. I took in my grades. I let out the biggest sigh of relief for 2010. And so did Jean. She knew how much the class had stirred in me. She was relieved for me. She was proud of me. She shared in my gladness and relief.

So, I look ahead to the remaining two semesters, 12 credits, and 174 days until graduation.

Sky High Sports

2010-12-30T16:27:00.000-08:00

Today the kids and I EdVentured to Sky High Sports in Bellevue, WA. In preparation, I took four Ibuprofen. I should have taken more.

Sky High is an indoor trampoline place. We purchased a two hour block of time for the three of us. It was so much fun. It was fun playing tag with them, it was fun jumping and jumping high together, and it was fun watching Sam perform somersaults into the foam. A great, great day.

The Trifecta of Pepper Jellies

2010-12-29T09:06:00.000-08:00

On Monday we spent some time at Pike's Place Market as a family. It was a great EdVenture. Before leaving, Sam and I sampled the Trifecta of Pepper Jellies. While they have many samples to try on the counter, the stand keeps these behind the counter and hands them out––perhaps so that no one burns there mouth unwittingly. Sam said that he would sample the Trifecta if I did. I think he just wanted to prove that he could handle the hot like me.

They work you up to the mother of pepper jelly––one using the dreaded "ghost pepper." The first two were tolerable. The one with the ghost pepper was very, very hot. I think Sam was hesitant to go for that last sample, but because he saw me try it, he tried it. The ladies behind the counter offered us a sample of lime jelly to reduce the fire of the ghost pepper jelly, but it wasn't enough. We quickly went to the drinking fountain and let the cold water set in our mouths for several minutes in order to put out the fire. We also inhaled the city's cold air through out mouths on the back to the car to help put out the fire.

Sam is a brave little man. He was the one who had originally told me about the ghost pepper. While we didn't sample it at its full capability because of the jelly's diluting effect, we felt the power. I was proud of Sam for his willingness and daringness––and, he was very proud of himself as well.

Moose Bed

2010-12-29T08:43:00.000-08:00

Moose received a new bed for Christmas. It was the biggest the store had, and he can barely squeeze himself into it. I don't think he can lay his head down, but he seems to love it anyway.

In the Kitchen with Jean at Christmas

2010-12-27T09:09:00.000-08:00

I was fortunate enough to help Jean prepare some of the Christmas Eve meal and Christmas Day meal on Friday. It is pretty rare to find us cooking in the kitchen at the same time. Normally, I cook Sundays and in the summer when I don't have class. Cooking with her was eye opening for me.

Jean has made big and delicious meals before. The most recent being Canadian Thanksgiving dinner in October. She did that meal on her own. Much of that meal was created from family recipes. Though we had feasted on those dishes before at the homes of relatives, the meal tasted better than I recall them tasting in the past. I attributed it to the love Jean had poured into creating the meal for our friends.

Christmas Eve Day I was able to see her at work. She had such a command and confidence about her. She was patiently teaching me. She was able to move from creation to creation without hesitation. She was completely at ease. It was amazing to see. It was as though transformation that has taken place in her life over the past several years into woman who is confident about her beauty and elegance was being showcased. Not showcased only as a chef, but as a woman who is assured of the beautiful goodness she has to offer the ones she loves.

A Week of Teeth, and the Karate Kid

2010-11-18T07:22:00.000-08:00

Sunday night Sam lost a tooth, and Alina lost a tooth Monday night. But, the most interesting losing teeth story came last night.

Last night was graduation for some of the program guys at my internship. This is a monthly event at the agency as guys advance through the program. I arrived home last night about 8:15pm, and Jean and the kids arrived home from church about 8:25pm. I asked Jean how her day was––she looked exhausted. "Well," she said, "Sam knocked two teeth out of another kid's mouth when they were playing 'Karate Kid.'"

Saturday night Sam, Jean and I watched the original Karate Kid while Alina was at a sleep over. Sam has continued watching the movie throughout the week. Last night at church Sam told a boy, "I wouldn't fight me if I were you, I know karate." Of course, he only knows karate from the movie. The boy told Sam that he knows karate, too. The boy proceeded to charge Sam, face first. Sam made a blocking move with his hand to alter the direction of the kid's face. He did, and he also altered the direction of the kid's two top teeth. He knocked one out, and the other was just dangling.

Fortunately, the boy's mom was really gracious about it. She said to Sam, "I should give you his tooth-fairy money because those teeth have been loose and he wouldn't attempt to pull them out."

The View

2010-11-15T17:53:00.000-08:00

I am doing my internship at a Men's Shelter. This was the view from my window last Wednesday morning. In the gray doorway people find a space to sleep. Somewhat removed from the elements as people walk by.

Climbing

2010-11-13T07:35:00.000-08:00

Hikers pay top dollar to a world famous mountain climber to guide them to the top of a summit. Today, a group of would-be hikers meet their guide at the trail head before sun up. They stand nervously in the parking lot as introductions are made, and they receive their instructions for the hike. At twilight they head up the hill. They are equipped with boots, packs, a small amount of food, and water––all the equipment they will need to summit the mountain top. They hike together for the morning as the sun comes up over the mountain tops. They pass through the dense forest of trees and over streams––always steadily climbing the mountain. The weary hikers stop for a mid morning break. They eat their trail mix and drink from their water bottles. The weather is clear and sunny, but it feels brisk in the high, thin mountain air. They empty their boots of pebbles and nurse blisters and readjust their pack loads. Then, when what seems like way too soon, their guide urges them on. They must push on to reach their goal for the evening. They must continue up the trail.

Finally, early afternoon they round a bend. In front of them they see a beautiful high mountain meadow, green and lush, full of wild flowers. In the distance, at the end of the meadow nestled into the hillside is a lodge. Smoke rises from the chimney. Out on the deck appears a gray haired couple waving and shouting a “Hello” to the group. Encouraged by seeing their destination for lunch, the group quickens their pace.

Upon arriving at the lodge they soon smell the scent of fresh baked bread and fresh ground coffee brewing. They hear the crackle of a warm fire. Each hiker is greeted warmly by the kind elderly couple. They each find a comfortable chair and slip their tired feet out of their boots. They sit in front of the huge windows of the lodge with the gorgeous view of the valley below and the surrounding mountains. Shortly, a delicious meal is spread before them on the long heavy log table. Fresh baked bread and sliced meats and cheeses with all the fixings adorn the table. Hot coffee to warm them and fresh baked mountain berry pie.

Just as they are finishing the lovingly prepared meal the guide instructs them to load up. It’s time to go, if they are too make the campsite that night. The summit awaits.

A few of the hikers complained. They were tired. They wanted to stay at the lodge where it was warm, and the food was prepared for them. The guide told them, “You don’t have to go on climbing. You can stay the night here and we will pick you up on the way back.” Several group members chose to stay behind. They chose to enjoy the wonderful stories of the couple, to play checkers by the fire, to indugle in hot chocolate, and gaze at the magnificent view out the picture window. They have done enough climbing. They have gone further than most, and they will stay in the comfort of the lodge.

The rest of the group presses on for what is to be the steepest part of the climb. They are carrying overnight gear and equipment for the snow and ice covered terrain. They are weary from the day’s climb. They are above the tree line and each step becomes an effort––the air is thin. By late afternoon they must stop for a rest, and to strap on the now needed crampons to the bottom of their boots. As night begins to fall, they stop to make camp before darkness overtakes them. It is cold and windy, and then it begins to rain. Due to the wind they are unable to light their sterno cans to heat their dinner and are forced to their remaining pieces of dried fruit instead of a warm meal from their dehydrated food. Even using the “restroom” is awkward. Sleep does not come easy in the cold and howling wind, or on the hard, lumpy and stony ground. But, exhausted, they finally fall asleep.

At daybreak the next morning the group wakes. However, they are again unable to enjoy a hot meal. For breakfast they must settle for eating what trail mix they have left. They make the effort to break camp. The gear never seems to fit back into the packs the way it went in. Wearily, the group presses onward towards the summit.

They arrive to the summit, but only after a brief time at the summit, they must descend if they are to make it back to the trailhead by sundown. Cold, tired, and hungry––yet exhilarated from having reached the summit––they start the journey down.

In contrast, those that stayed behind have enjoyed the comfort of the lodge. They spent the evening visiting with one another, eating another fabulous meal, and retiring to a warm feather bed. They awoke to the smell of country bacon and pancakes. They spend the morning in leisure.

Then those in the lodge hear the rest of group approach. They have watched the hikers wind their way down from the top of the mountain. Even from a distance, echoing through the valley, they have heard the summit group laughing and joking. The group seemed to disappear as they went below tree line, but eventually the summit group emerges from the forest. Reunited, they have a brief lunch together before they are off again down the mountain. As they hike the summit group always seems to be at the front, leading the way. They are energized, alive, laughing and sharing the experience of the reaching the summit. On the way down they continue to talk about signing the summit registry, about the indescribable 360-degree view from the top. They now joke about their overnight struggles and lovingly tease one another. They have bonded together. Meanwhile, the lodge group follows, hiking in silence.

Upon reaching the cars, the lodge group feels that some how they have missed the best experience. They had chosen the feeling of personal comfort instead of pressing on to the top. They had settled for the mere feeling of hiking, content with carrying the equipment that they never had need to use.

Not all have summited, but those who have put in the extra effort have found it well worth it. Right now, I feel tired and weary from climbing. I am tired from internship and papers and reading. But, I am sure the insanity of these three years will be worth it because I have already seen the beauty of making it this far.

She Just Is

2010-10-29T10:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Alina brought a larger than standard envelope home from school. There was a note inside that read:

Dear Alina and Parents, Congratulations! Because you have demonstrated leadership with your positive attitude and good choices, I am excited to tell you that Alina has been selected to be one of six narrators for this year's PreK, K, 1st Grade Christmas Chapels. One boy and one girl were chosen from each of the first grade classes . . .

The note, attached to her script, goes on to describe the practice requirements that come along with the privilege. Besides lots of practicing at home, she has to miss lunch recess Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. When I informed Alina of that requirement she sweetly replied, "That's alright."

I did my best to explain that she was seen as the girl with the best attitudes in her first grade class. I don't think it phased her. The character that was described in the note is just who she is and she will continue to be that way. She doesn't try to be that way. She just is.

Smell Like a Monster

2010-10-09T18:58:00.000-07:00

This spoof of the Old Spice ad is hilarious!

Being Perfect

2010-10-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

When I move my right thumb, it pops. Last night when I was sitting on Alina's bed to say goodnight, she asked, "Why do your fingers make noise?" I told her that I was old and creaky. She said, "You're not old and creaky, you're perfect," then she pulled me close.

In telling me I was perfect she wasn't telling me I was without fault, she was telling me that she loves me in spite of my faults. She made me tear up that she loves my despite who I am. Her love is perfect love.

Feasting Day

2010-10-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

We are celebrating one of our favorite holidays, a few days early, today––Canadian Thanksgiving. Canadian Thanksgiving is actually Monday, but tonight we are inviting a few friends over to enjoy the great day with a great feast.

Broken Glass

2010-10-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

Thursday I left internship about 90 minutes early under the umbrella of "self-care." I had been at internship for 11 hours and fifteen minutes the day before due to the graduation celebration. Knowing that I was leaving early, I had scheduled an inspection for 6pm that was located north of the city. Leaving early would also help me beat the 5 o'clock traffic. It had been a good day of great counseling.

As I walked to my car, I noticed an envelope on my windshield. As I got closer, I noticed my driver's side door glass was smashed. I park in parking garage. I always park way down. It's not a huge parking garage, so I was probably twenty spaces away from the entrance. My rationalism for parking where I do is that anyone who might try to vandalize or steal would do so closer to the entrance for a quick get away. I was wrong.

The envelope on the windshield was from the police department. Inside the envelope was a note from a police officer saying that the lot attendant noticed the car prowl at 1300 hours. There was so much glass on the driver's seat. So much. There was also a pile of glass that had been swept neatly into a 30"x3"x3" heap. Because of the amount of glass, I don't think it was just my car that was burglarized. At first it didn't look like anything was taken. The console was open, but I never keep anything in it. The envelope holding the registrations and insurance info, along with the car's manuals, from the glove box were on the floor. I don't keep anything of value in the glove box. They didn't take my phone's earpiece. They didn't take my Marmott rain-jacket. They didn't even take a gift card that I had on the front seat that was sitting on top of some books.

It surprised me someone would want to break into my car. It has never had a radio––it has a factory Toyota faceplate where a radio is supposed to go. The care is about as basic as you can get.

As I was driving north on I-90, with glass continuing to fall in as I was sitting on a tarp from the trunk to save my backside from broken glass, I realized they did get my camera that I was needing for the inspection. Fortunately, Alina let me borrow her camera. As I was downloading photos from my inspection, these were a few of the photos on her camera. She made me smile.

How Not to Be a Friend

2010-09-26T15:37:00.000-07:00

My previous post told how to be a friend. In this country song, the guy is trying to be a friend, but falls short. You just don't tell someone, "Sounds like life... You've got to suck it up." That isn't how you jump in the stew of life with/for someone.

How to Be a Friend

2010-09-24T16:50:00.000-07:00

Our neighbors are in the process of finding a home for their dog Margaret. Margaret is a huge, old, Basset Hound. Lorelei, our neighbors' daughter, woke up Margaret and Margaret bit her on the lip. Margaret hasn't lived there since biting Lorelei, but the decision was made that Margaret can't come back home. Margaret has been staying at Lorelei's grandma's.

Today Lorelei came over just to say "hi" to Alina, but didn't want to stay and play. After telling us that they would be finding a new home for Margaret, she refused to cry. I could see her forcing herself not to. She said that she just wanted to go back home. As she was leaving, Alina said, "You can come to my room and color a picture of Margaret if you want to." Lorelei said, "I think I'll stay."

Alina is such a sweet friend, and did what every friend should do when there is heartache. She didn't try and ignore it or chance the subject. She didn't tell Lorelei that everything would be okay. Alina didn't talk about what a good dog, or bad dog, Margaret was. She simply walked with her friend gently into the pain.

Many of us have been told to get over our pain. Many of us have been told to "suck it up." How often have we longed for a friend that would just be with us during the hurt and sadness? That is how the healing happens.

Theology Meets Football

2010-09-24T16:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's terrible. Yet, it's hilarious!

Pulleys

2010-09-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in another post, I hadn't been riding very much. But, as of late I have been able to get out to mountain bike once or twice per week. The few times when I did get out last year I noticed that when I would put some additional pressure and torque on the pedals there would be a little rear gear slippage. As I have been riding more over the last few weeks the slipping had become bad, beyond something I could comfortably ignore. I had been trying to remedy the situation by making small cable adjustments on the fly. That was no longer working either.

While we were still living in Grand Rapids I had the courage to begin wrenching my bike myself. The time that it would take a bike ship mechanic to fix it, as well as the cost, made it worth it to fix it myself. The Park Tool repair site became a great companion.

For this problem with the slipping gears I took a good, hard look at the rear deraileur. The rear deraileur still seemed to have good spring tension. This was a financial relief because a rear deraileur that is constructed to withstand the dirt, consistent shifting, and beating of hard mountain biking can be anywhere between $129 and $275. My hunch was that the two rear deraileur pulleys were worn. Upon further examination, the pulleys were worn to the point where they looked like pulley in the middle. Now, one would think that is what you would want your pulley to look like. One would guess that the star points and groove would make a great place for the bike chain to ease into for the ride around the pulley. But, that isn't the case at all. The points––called shark toothing, which can also happen on your front chain rings as well as they wear–– actually cause slipping because there is little surface area taking up the gap in the chain's link. So, I went to my local Performance Bike store in Seattle, and bought a package of two Fortè pulleys. I used my 3mm hex wrench to remove the old and pulleys and had the two new pulleys installed within a matter of minutes. I rode it hard last Monday and again Saturday with Sam. No slipping. Shifting was as smooth as silk, making for a great, worry-free ride.

Lucky Them

2010-09-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

"Lucky them." At (Re)Orientation, that phrase was used to describe a MHGS family. The student was preparing for her internship. She, along with her husband and kids, would have to leave their church community in order for her to do her internship at a new church. "Lucky them" was used because they got to experience the heartache of their calling.

Many students have left a community to come to MHGS. Our family experienced the (mis)fortune of leaving community in order to come to Seattle. That continues to be heart wrenching. We miss those relationships terribly. But, after two years we are finally stepping into community here. We have been invited to dinner so many times in the last couple of months. We have been lucky to enter heartache with those we've come to know here.

And, then there is the Lucky Me of my internship. I have heard so many hard, tragic stories. I don't want to just show up at internship and hope someone comes to my office. I have been intentional since the first day of being in community with them. I stepped out my comfort zone and go to the cafeteria with them instead of eating a sack lunch alone in my office. I go to community group with them. I greet them at the beginning of the day and throughout the day with a handshake and a "glad to see you." I walk through the building and talk to the guys. When I graduate I want to be in community with people. I don't just want an office and see people once a week. I want to do life with people.

In return for doing my internship this way, I hear the tragic stories. It has been hard to leave those stories behind. I bring them home and suffer with them. Many students and professors have said that I need to care for myself and learn to leave them at my internship site. Yes, but. But, being in community causes me to carry stories with me, and carrying those stories is part of being human. Lucky me! And I mean that with all my heart. There is no place I would rather be doing my internship. I love the people that I am suffering with.

Giving Up Icy Yummy Goodness?

2010-09-12T17:38:00.001-07:00

I think I may be giving up Icy Yummy Goodness. Well, at least store bought. It just doesn't taste good any more. I have fallen in love with Jean's homemade ice cream. My delicate palate just can't go back. Store ice cream has become blah and tasteless. Jean's ice cream has spoiled me. It's so delicious!

Sextant

2010-09-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

The sextant is a tool used in navigation. I am a self-declared cartographer and an explorer. At (Re)Orientation, our school's president talked about how a sextant's user looked to the heavens in order to orient him or herself to the earth. It is a great metaphor. How do I look to God to orient myself to the world around me?

Bacon and Turtle Burgers

2010-09-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

My friend L-O-V-E-S bacon. The other day I sent him this Jim Gaffigan YouTube video about bacon.

He gave me a bacon recipe––Turtle Burgers:
Here's a new twist on how to serve burgers.

Handmade ground beef patties, topped with sharp cheddar cheese, wrapped in a bacon weave, then the next step, add hotdogs as the heads, legs with slits for toes and tail.

Next step. Place on an oven rack, covered loosely with foil and baked for 20-30 minutes at 400 degrees. A little crispy, not too crunchy.

Garage Sales

2010-09-04T20:58:00.000-07:00

Jean and I came across several big finds as we combed the area garage sales Friday and Saturday. Jean's treasures were two super large sheet cake pans, a metal bowl, and pot large enough for her country boil!

I found a kerosene heater at the rotary club's sale. It was listed for $22.50. One of the men helping with the sale was very kind. After starting it for me he said I could have it for $10. No arguments here. I am not quite sure when I will be needing it, but it was one of those items I couldn't pass up. Maybe it was the dream of working on something in the garage in the winter time, combined with the fond memories of gathering with the guys at the barn after orienteering and Bible study as we stood around eating Doritos and cookies telling stories and laughing.

Not pictured: Sam's incredible deal of the day––a pogo stick for $1.50!

The Food Vendor

2010-09-03T18:20:00.000-07:00

On Tuesdays I have a class at school from 10-12, then I walk the 1.3 miles from MHGS to my internship. As I walked to my internship site, I saw this food vendor wagon. Yes, it looks like a metal pig with sunglasses. It is very intriguing. I want to try the food sometime, but I'm not sure if it is because vehicle is so cool looking or because it is so hideous.

Reading Partner

2010-09-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs a reading partner. My reading partner happens to be Moose.

School Resumes

2010-09-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

This week school resumed for me. I have also started my internship, which is a major component of my final year. I have heard so many stories of tragedy already, with a common theme of being abandoned by a father, alcohol and drug use, and prison time. So heart breaking.

The kids also began school this week. Alina is now a 1st grader, and Sam is a 4th grader. They are so cute, and SO BIG!

Goal Setting for 4th Grade

2010-08-29T20:31:00.000-07:00

Early last week I asked Sam to come up with a list of goals for 4th grade. Goals that, in doing them, would make his 4th grade year a good one. Later in the day he told me that he came up with three, and I said that I looked forward to hearing them.

Sunday night when we were walking home from the skateboard park I asked him what his goals were. The first one was, "Listening to the teacher." I asked what that looked like. He answered, "Not picking dirt out of your shoe while the teacher is talking."

The Naturist

2010-08-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I like Teva's short films entitled The Naturist. And, this is my most favorite episode.

Slug Bug

2010-08-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

We play Slug Bug in the car. The game has evolved since I was young. When I was young we only did the slug when we saw the Volkswagen Bug. Today, all Volkswagens count. Sam also learned from a friend that PT Cruisers are worth two punches. WHAAAT!?!?!

We sometimes play for points. Newer Volkswagens are worth 1 point. Old Skool Bugs are worth 5, and Old Skool Vans are worth 10 points. Volkswagen "Things" and the Volkswagen "Karmann Ghia" are worth 100 ––basically they make you the winner for the entire day. The other day at Central Market I saw what I thought was the mother of all Old Skool Volkswagens. It looked to be the earliest Volkswagen Bug ever made! I began snapping photos with my phone. I noticed "Citroën" stickers on the car, and a funny logo. Hmmm?

As it turns out, Citroën has nothing to do with Volkswagen. Citroën is French automobile manufacturer that was founded in 1919. The innovative company even mass produced the world's first front-wheel drive car in 1934. But, as unique as the car was it didn't earn me any points.

Funny Things from the Mouths of Sam and Alina

2010-08-25T08:02:00.000-07:00

Last week we were school shopping. We saw a woman with really, really long braided blond hair. Alina said loudly, "I like her hair! I think it's a wig!"

When we were visiting John and Valerie, there were plans to do a hike after church. I was explaining those plans to Sam. He said, "And then we have to come back and have lunch!" I clarified that we were going to have lunch, and then go hiking. Then I said that it made me laugh that he was always so mindful of his stomach. I told him it wasn't a bad thing at all, but it just made me smile how much he thinks about eating. Sam replied, "I think about other things, too. Like . . . Hey! You're right! That is all I think about!"

Comparing the Numbers

2010-08-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

Today Alina wanted to take the bikes to Green Lake to celebrate her learning to ride her bike. We rode around the 3 mile lake, had lunch there, and even rode from there to church to visit Jean. At the end of the ride I noticed my odometer had 21.2 miles on it. Not my "tripometer," my "odometer." This year I have ridden a grand total of 21.2 miles! In comparison, two years ago I was pushing 1,000 miles by the middle of July. And those were trail miles, not road miles.

Yes, I miss riding. I miss it incredibly. I miss the healing that it brings. This season of hasn't allowed for it. School and being a dad have needed my time. I am hoping that this fall will allow for riding, at least once per week. Mountain biking is great self-care, something that I have learned both intellectually and practically is very important. Good Bal(l)ance is everything!

She Rides a Two-Wheeler

2010-08-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

Alina has never been really interested in riding her bike. She rode her bike a little in Grand Rapids when we had a very long driveway––when her bike had training wheels. Our first house in Seattle really didn't have a place to ride. The road was busy, and the driveway was short and steep. The road around the loop is very quiet where we now reside, but Alina was more interested in running to the neighbor girl's house than riding her bike.

One Saturday in winter, when it felt like spring in Seattle, I worked with Alina a little on riding her bike without its training wheels. Alina wasn't really into it. It was all we could do to make it to the end of the street where the loop reconnects.

Living here, Sam was more into his Razor scooter than his bike. The neighbor girl also had one. It was time for Alina to have one. She quickly learned how to balance and ride fast. Lots of riding after Sam, and lots of trips to the Skateboard park with the scooters. The pink bike was ignored. But, late last week I was feeling it was time to revisit riding the bike, so yesterday we tried again. Saying Alina lacked enthusiasm is an understatement. Though we were outside for over an hour, she probably gave it six tries. Just before going in for lunch she rode the length of the street. In the afternoon, though, she climbed on and was immediately on her way. Now, she can't stop riding or talking about riding. Last night when I was talking to her before she fell asleep she was making plans for riding around Green Lake Tuesday, as well as making sure that her tires were dirt tires so that she can come to the mountain biking trails with Sam and me. She is such a princess!

Alina Learns to Ride Her Bike from Ed Ballance on Vimeo.

Ready for Some Football

2010-08-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

Sam went to to the orthodontist on Saturday. Besides having his braces adjusted, he got new colors. His last color scheme was all purple in order to to cheer the Los Angeles Lakers to a world championship. This time around, the colors he chose are Honolulu Blue and Silver––GO LIONS!
(The barbecue sauce stains on his face have no team affiliation.)

Van Maintenance Saturday

2010-08-22T16:23:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went to the Auto Parts store and procured all of the necessary parts to get both vehicles ready for fall: oil, oil filters, air filters, coolant, and wiper blades. Because of all of the miles that were put on the van in the last six weeks, Saturday was the van's turn.

I was unloading the supplies out of the van and my neighbor Butch came over to see what I was up to. In the conversation he said, "I'm glad to see you use Castrol. That's the only oil I use." I love Butch to death, but I wondered secretly if what kind of oil I used determined my worth as a neighbor or as a man. What if I used Penzoil? Heaven forbid! I was glad, though, that he didn't come up and hit me behind the legs and say, "That's thinkin' with your dipstick, Jimmy!" (See video below.)

The van must have had more than a few coolant changes in its lifetime. The radiator drain plug was stripped out and would not and could not be placed back into the radiator. I went to twelve different auto parts stores, and none of them had one. Just FYI, if someone asks if your 1999 Dodge Grand Caravan is a Flex Fuel model, they should not work at an auto parts store. NAPA was closed last night, but this morning they opened at 9am. I was there before the lights went on and I purchased the only one they had. I took it home and installed it, poured in a 50/50 mix of antifreeze and water, took the used antifreeze to the Aurora Household Hazardous Waste Center (open Sunday, Monday and Tuesday 9:30am to 4:30pm), came home and showered and dressed, and made it to church for the 11am service! And, I drove the van! Jean's rig is again road ready.

Found

2010-08-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

Several important things have come up missing in our house over the last six months or so. Sam is missing eight or more sweatshirts, Jean is missing a vegetable peeler, and my full-finger mountain biking gloves and my compass had vanished. I wondered if one of the neighbor kids was a kleptomaniac. I had also heard a sermon around Christmas time once where a family that was struggling financially began noticing special items were coming up missing. A family friend was "taking them," and then at Christmas wrapped the items he had taken as gifts for the family. It provided the family with joy and laughter. To me, NOT FUNNY. I asked Jean if she was doing this. She promised she wasn't.

Sam's sweatshirts were probably left at school in the spring when the mornings were cold and the afternoons were warm. All of the lost and found items at school had been donated by the third week of June when I realized that Sam could have forgotten his sweatshirts on the playground. Though I do the laundry, I didn't realize that there were no sweatshirts coming through the laundry. I didn't notice them missing until we were starting to pack for our backpacking trip to Rachel Lake.

Jean's vegetable peeler is still a mystery, as are my gloves. But, losing my compass really made me sad. As an only child I take pride in never losing ANYTHING, and keeping everything perfectly and meticulously maintained. How could I lose my compass? I am a self-proclaimed cartographer for crying out loud! My friends call me "EdVenture." When it was time to pack for Rachel Lake, I noticed it wasn't in its normal place. I was frantic in searching for it. The last time I remembered using it was when the Sherpa was here and we did the orienteering course at St. Edwards State park. I looked through one of my gear boxes where I keep my several map cases. I also looked in the few other spots that I could have placed it for safe keeping. Nothing. Nothing but sadness, that is. My Suunto M-2 compass had been my guide on all of my adventure races, several backpacking trips, and for our orienteering group. It was reliable, and present for great memory making.

On vacation I packed all of our towels in what is lovingly referred to as "the big green bag." The big green bag is both green and big. You could easily fit a body in it. After vacation I was going through all of the pockets of all of the suitcases and duffle bags we took. There, in one of the side pockets of the big green bag, were four rechargeable batteries AND MY COMPASS! I had forgotten that I had taken the big green bag to the cabin over reading week in February, and had put all of my outdoor gear in it. It was now found! SWEET!

Stung

2010-08-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

Last night I went outside to talk with two of our neighbors as they were walking by. Cathy and her husband Steve were out for their regular evening stroll around the loop. Cathy had suffered a brain aneurysm two years ago, and had a job interview earlier in the day. I hurried outside to see how it went. As we talked I felt a sharp pain in the back of my left knee. I thought, "That almost felt like a sting." I nonchalantly moved my hand to that area of my leg and looked down long enough to see a yellow jacket drop to the ground.

I casually continued the conversation, while rubbing the back of my leg every few seconds. I had noticed that Steve was wearing a Phish t-shirt. I told him I was reading Aron Ralston's book, Between a Rock and a Hard Place––Aron Ralston is the man who amputated his own arm with a multi-tool after it was lodged against a canyon wall by a boulder. Steve and Cathy are hikers, and I let Steve know that Aron was listening to Phish during his hike and throughout his ordeal. Steve began talking about a book he was reading. It had something to do with cavers who descend blindly into caves. The thought of "I am allergic to yellow jackets and I wonder if I am going to pass out or die," unfortunately began tuning Steve out.

I have passed out multiple times before after being stung by a yellow jacket. And, after each sting the reaction becomes worse. When we lived in Grand Rapids I was getting venom injections in the case I was stung again.

I came inside and got the epinephrine pen ready––just in case. The cold sweats came, just as they had in the past before I would collapse. But, I think that this time it was just the adrenaline of the not knowing what was about to happen. I waited it out to the 20 minute point. Good. Then the 30 minute point. Still good. If nothing had happened by then, I was golden. Was there still enough venom in my system to ward off the sting? Maybe! Just glad I didn't have to go through the scariness of going unconscious this time around.

Vacation Movie

2010-08-16T15:51:00.000-07:00

We had a blessed vacation. Blessed is a word that I don't use whimsically. We got to see great friends. We had such good laughs and conversation that it was too hard saying goodbye to them. And, as you will see in the video, Alina has a new BFF. It is amazing to me that two 6 year olds can play for four days straight without conflict, only enjoyment.

The remainder of our vacation was spent traveling home via the Oregon coast. The Oregon coast is amazingly beautiful. And, so is my family. I am truly blessed. The video makes me tear up a lot.

In the video there is some still photos as well as clips from the video camera. In one scene Jean is racing Sam down the dune. Keep your eye on Jean.

Summer Vacation 2010 from Ed Ballance on Vimeo.

Two Years Ago Today

2010-08-15T16:17:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today, with the help of close friends and family, we loaded all of our belongings onto a semi-trailer. We shipped everything we owned to Seattle so that I could come to graduate school. If I would have known then what I know now, I doubt that I would have the courage to step into the fray, the mess, and the long process of healing. But, we did it, and looking back I'm glad we did. I love Jean now more than ever because of what we have had to face and work through together over the last twenty four months. Thanks for having the courage my love, even when I didn't and don't.

Boring Certainty vs. The Adventurous Unknown

2010-08-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

Boring Certainty vs. The Adventurous Unknown––a great post by my friend Jason.

Vacation

2010-08-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we head out for vacation. First, to California where we get to spend several days with great old young friends. I've known John half my life. We've had a lot of goofy times, backpacking trips, were in a band together, early morning Bible studies, mission trips, and on and on. He was my best man in our wedding. And, I've known his wife Valerie even longer––since second grade. So, it will be awesome to see such great old young friends.

Then we will head home, taking several days to head up the Oregon coast.

Often before a road trip I will add a few new songs to my iTunes Library. For this trip I added The Essential Weird Al Yankovic. I've already laughed until there were tears in my eyes. So, the trip should be light. And, I want to work this Weird Al road trip song into a blog post somehow...

Scooter Etiquette

2010-08-03T06:44:00.000-07:00

The last few days Sam and Alina and the other kids in our neighborhood circle have enjoyed taking their scooters to the skateboard park. (Pictured: neighbor girl, Alina, and Sam.) Yesterday while riding up one of the ramps, Alina looked at the neighbor girl and said, "Seriously! The big kids don't watch where they're going!" Where did her scooter etiquette come from? She makes me laugh.

Buy One, Get one FREE!

2010-07-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

Today I did an inspection up in Marysville. On the way home I passed the Marysville cemetery, and strung between two trees was a sign that said, "Holiday Special . . . Buy One Space, Get One Free!" In small print it says, "(Pre-Need Only)." So, if you are needing multiple plots, hurry! I am sure the offer is only good while supplies last!

The Ballard Locks

2010-07-29T17:19:00.000-07:00

Today we went to the Ballard Locks and Gardens. Though watching the boats go through the locks was cool, the most amazing thing was seeing a Harbor Seal. He is a little hard to see in the photo, but watching it resurface time and time again after diving for food was awesome. Seeing the thousands of salmon making their way upstream from Puget Sound was pretty amazing, too.

2010 Detroit Lions Football Begins Saturday

2010-07-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

You know I'm a big Detroit Lions fan. Big. Even though their post-Barry years have been horrendous, I have hung in there. I love Calvin (Johnson). I love their first round picks this year. But, Matthew Stafford's heroics during last year's Lions vs. Browns game, after getting drilled and injured, is leadership and heart. And he is the hope of the team, and the reason why I am excited for football season to start. Just watch...

Busy Week

2010-07-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

It has been a very busy week! Jean's parents arrived last Wednesday evening after my first fly fishing class. Thursday we all went on the Seattle Underground Tour. Friday we went to Tillamook, OR to the Tillamook County Creamery for the tour, as well as to sample cheese and ice cream. From there we traveled north to Cannon Beach, OR. Saturday, Jean made a country boil for dinner with potatoes, corn, shrimp, crab and sausage. SOOOOOO good! Our neighbor Lyn joined us for the feast. Monday we traveled into Washington's 95º high dessert to Grand Coulee Dam, and then headed back west to the Bavarian town of Leavenworth for dinner and ice cream, and dancing with ice cream, before heading back home.

Fly Fishing

2010-07-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

First year, first semester students at MHGS are exposed to fly fishing through reading A River Runs Through It for Hermeneutics class, and reading The Earth is Enough for the class Faith, Hope, and Love. My first fall, we were even invited to go on a fly fishing trip over reading week. Dan Allender is a huge fly fisherman, and so is my favorite professor Steve Call. My friend Tim Jackson back in Michigan is also an avid fly fisherman. So, it was only a matter of time before I would attempt to take it up.

Last night was my first fly fishing class. It was great. We learned about different fish, river and lake fishing, and about the equipment. Sunday we finish the intro class by learning about entomology (the bugs fish eat), how to tie knots, and actually attempting to cast. So far, the class was certainly worth the price of admission.

When the Compass Needle Spins

2010-07-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

Last week I began the book, Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. Mark Batterson wrote my all-time favorite book, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day. In Celtic Spirituality the Holy Spirit was called An Geadh´Glas––The Wild Goose. (As a side note, next spring I will be taking a Celtic Spirituality class for my Spiritual Foundations elective.)

Last night while reading I came across some encouraging words for my spinning compass needle: Few things are as disorienting as in-between times––between jobs, between relationships, or between a rock and a hard place. But nothing rattles the cage like a bad diagnosis, a pink slip, or divorce papers. They cause the compass needle to spin. And we feel lost because our plans and our lives fall apart. But the upside is that it causes us to seek God with a raw intensity that cannot be manufactured any other way. Disorientation has a way of driving us to our knees. And that is one reason why the bad things that happen to us can actually turn into the best things that happen to us (pp. 122-123).

I do feel like I'm in one of those disorienting in-between times. I walked away from something I always thought I wanted in order to finish my degree here. I feel like I did the right thing, but I still second guess myself wondering if I walked away from a once in a lifetime opportunity. Mark Batterson's words and God's words helped my compass stop spinning: We put so much pressure on ourselves, as if the eternal plans of almighty God are contingent upon our ability to decipher them. The truth is, God wants to reveal them more than we want to know them. And if we think one misstep can frustrate the providential plans of the Omnipotent One, then our God is way too small. Not only does God want us to get where God wants us to go more than we want to get where God wants us to go, but He is awfully good at getting us there. He may not always reveal His plans how or when we want Him to. But when we chase the Wild Goose, our future becomes His responsibility. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" (Proverbs 16:9), (pp. 128-129).

Another Great Country Song

2010-07-16T17:53:00.000-07:00

In May I wrote a post about why I love country music. When I was putting the camping gear away I heard another great country song entitled, "Pretty Good at Drinkin' Beer." Classic!

Laying a Pair of Old Friends to Rest

2010-07-13T11:03:00.000-07:00

I bought this pair of hiking boots in the spring of 1998 for an eight day backpacking trip to Pukaskwa National Park with Andy, Paulo and Brian V. The tread began coming off of the left boot on the walk up to Rachel Lake last Thursday, and by the time we reached the lake, I had to pull the rest of the tread off the boot. Needless to say, no tread on one boot made coming down the snow covered mountain with a partially loaded pack a lot of fun! On the walk out Friday I could stick my toes out the bottom of the left boot, and I even took a couple of sticks up the toenail of my big toe! Ouch. I took some first-aid tape and wrapped it around the boot hoping to keep my foot inside, it didn't work for very long. And, on the last half mile, the tread came off of the right boot.

I loved this pair of boots. They gave me sure footing over many miles on all the trips during the twelve year span. Trips with Jean, Sam & Alina, and trips with great friends that became even better friends as a result of those miles on the trail. Thanks for the memories!

Rest, Healing, Laughter and Backpacking

2010-07-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday June 29, with the handing in of my final two papers, I officially became a third year student at MHGS. And, hopefully, the third year will be my final year. I knew year two would be exhausting with taking additional classes, and it was. After the papers were turned in I was taking 2 hour naps in the afternoon and going to bed early and I still couldn't shake the exhaustion. I didn't realize how tired I was. But, after four days of this pattern, I knew I needed something different. I needed a backpacking trip.

Sam, Alina, and I headed out Wednesday––eight days after classes were completed––to Rachel Lake for a three day backpacking trip. Jean had to stay behind to prep for the biggest week of Children's Ministry––VBS! But, she blessed us by making yummy provisions for the trip.

This was Alina's third backpacking trip and Sam has been on several. Normally we try to do a flat hike around 2 miles in length. This trail was 3.8 miles from the trailhead to Rachel Lake, with an elevation change of 1900 feet.

The first half mile was a decent climb, and it was tiring. The next 2 miles or so was more gradual yet we knew we were climbing. We took lots of breaks. It was more grueling in real life than the topographical map had let on.

Many of the stream crossings were wider and deeper than when we went to Hiyas Lake last year. Alina could do many, but not all of them. This meant taking off my pack and carrying Alina over, then going back for her pack and mine. Sam is like a mountain goat with or without a pack, so he often made several trips back and forth at each crossing "just for fun."

The hike in was going a lot slower than I had anticipated. Whenever we came in contact with another party on the trail I asked how long they had been hiking back down from Rachel Lake. I always needed to at least double their time for short legs, and us going uphill as opposed to their downhill. I knew we were getting to a point where, if we couldn't get to Rachel Lake in the next hour or so, we would need to make camp for the night.

We came to our deepest and widest stream crossing yet at the base of a large, cascading water fall. At about that time, another couple was coming across. They had been coming down for about 45 minutes, and we were told that there was another waterfall further ahead that was more treacherous due to its width and because of water depth at this time of the day because of the day's snow melt. They were kind enough to help me shuttle gear to the other side of this stream. This stream was crazy to cross with rotten and unstable logs and limbs as our footings to make it across. We were told that there were a few possible campsites ahead next to the waterfall.

We started the "big climb." This last mile to Rachel Lake was the steepest. We went a little ways and dropped our packs and went UP the trail to see if there were any places to reasonably pitch a tent. The only place was next to this taller, cascading waterfall. But, it really wasn't a safe place to pitch a tent because of the drop. One wrong move and someone would be down the mountain. Imagine Amazon waterfall here. I found myself thinking, "What have I done?"

Sam said, "Dad. I think we should go back to the campsite we saw before the other crossing." I told him that I hated going backwards. But, deep down I knew he was right. Sam has great instincts. We did go back down and crossed the rotten logs at the base of the falls. And, yes, I went in up to my knees more than once! We made safely to set up camp in the area Sam suggested and that would be our home for two nights. We had dinner and the kids turned in. It was hilarious to see Sam's silhouette dancing in the tent while I did dishes. They laughed in the tent together for over 90 minutes before finally falling asleep. I think I may have fallen asleep before they did.

Thursday we made it a day hike to Rachel Lake. Near the top of the mountain we hit snow, making finding the trail up the steep slope a curious task. But, we did it, and we made it. When we made it I realized my "What have I done?" from the night before had turned into gladness for doing this. The lake was freezing cold, but the view and the feeling of accomplishment were amazing. Alina said, "I know what I'm going to write in my journal tonight. 'Today was SWEEEEEET!"

My kids amaze me. Alina, for a girl who loves pink, loves getting dirty. And, her little legs never stopped as she carried her pack. She is one determined little girl. Sam was helpful to his sister getting her over obstacles when she couldn't, and his wilderness intuition is incredible. On our hike out he impressed many hikers with his knowledge, time markings, and trail markings. Both Sam and Alina had positive attitudes Wednesday hiking in, making the 1200' ascent from our campsite to Rachel Lake and 1200' descent back on Thursday, and on the hike out Friday. It was adventuring with them in this place where they personalities were able to shine which healed me from the brutal toll of my second year of school.